I have been reading different threads here and I just want to say that thank you to all wise and wonderful people on this board. I am reading other web boards too and I have not found any place like this. There are so many fools out there and many, many people who don't care about anything but their own shortsighted pleasure.

I would like to tell you a story I read on another web board. It is written by an OW who has finally come to some degree of insight (although she is still utterly selfish and fails to realize that a father has responsibilities towards his children). It is a reply to another OW who hopes that the WH will leave his BW.

"1 1/2 years ago I met a man who was in a relationship (with 2 small children) and we fell in love. We kept away from each other for a while before something happened but then it did. I was filled with anguish and he had a guilty conscience. He said that he loved me.. I waited.. nobody called.. I could not call him.. was he with her, how did he really feel.. etc

To cut a long story short it turned out that he really loved me and that their relationship was really bad. Our affair did not last long until I could not take it anymore. I broke up with him and a month later he left his relationship to be with me.

Exactly what you want, isn't it? Exactly what I wanted, blind and infatuated.

but...

His separation was h*ll for him, his girlfriend and me (his children seem to have made it better). The guilt took over our lifes. His ex girlfriend moved on after a few months and is happy today but it didn't help.

We never had a happy time of new love together, never a happy start and our 1 1/2 "exclusive" relationship has been characterized by guilt.

I don't feel guilty any longer. But HIS feelings of guilt for leaving his children has put me in the other room. He is not present. He only thinks about himself and them.

I wanted children. I am 35 years old. But he is not done with the separation and has not accepted that he can't see his children every day. So he is not ready. "Not now" "Later"

Finally he gave in. We were going to make babies. We did once and he was filled with anguish afterwards. I regretted it of course. Who wants to have a baby if the father is not ready. I decided to leave him, he can't make me happy. All the hate bubbled up from inside me. Everything he has promised and not kept, everything he did to her - how could he!

Of course I fell pregnant immediately. Now I am here 10 weeks pregnant, 35 years old, with an abortion scheduled on Monday. I don't want him any longer. I can't live on his conditions, with his guilt, all sacrifices I have to do for him and his children.

I just want to say that even if he chooses to be with you it will not turn out well. I just wish that I could have seen it coming."

While I can understand your anger and disgust towards the biological father of your unborn baby, it is not fair to project those feelings onto your innocent unborn baby.

Your baby is not merely an extension of that male.

Your baby is a new human being totally dependent on you for his/her life right now.

You intentionally brought that baby into existence. You intentionally ignored the facts about this male's failure to be a faithful mate and good father before you decided to 'hook up' with him. An innocent baby should not have to suffer for your bad choices.

Do not destroy the innocent life of your baby out of revenge or disappointment towards your baby's biological father. Do the responsible thing by protecting that innocent baby for nine months and gifting a deserving family with a baby they will love and cherish.

meremortal: To make this clear, what I wrote was another woman's story from another web board. I don't know her and I don't support any of her choices. Or are you suggesting that I should reply to the woman on the other board?

I am a BW and I guess I just like to read about affairs going bad.

Thanks for posting this story, why_us.

Just reinforces things for us BW's.

We know the A's are going to end and things won't work out with the affairees but it's always nice to hear another story. If you find any more, please post them!

Charlotte22: There is much more where that came from. I will see what I can dig up. The sad part is that a lot of people are posting and encouraging OWs and WSs to continue their affairs to find "love". None of them have any real knowledge about relationships and most of them just seem to seek ways to justify their own affairs.

I don't want to be malicious but I think that it has to be said that affairs don't lead to happiness.

Thanks, why_us!

I totally agree with you and you aren't being malicious at all. You are just speaking the truth. Affairs DON'T lead to happiness.

Your "story" is stomach-turning and has nothing to do with marriage; no one in it is married. I know that I don't want to read any more stories about idiots who try to conceive a child out of wedlock and then decide to abort. The "OM" in this little vignette is not even married - but he is "in a relationship (with 2 small children)". Nice try, but no cigar.

The pleasure you take in reading your tale of woe is called schadenfreude - pleasure at others misery. The OW in your story has not "finally come to some degree of insight", she has decided to kill something - on a whim.

If reading that pleases you, I suggest you find a competent therapist to help you work things out.

PK

We do have BF's and GF's on this board who are fighting for their R's because of infidelity.

No one here is laughing about this particular situation. It is merely another illustration of all of the pain and anguish infidelity can cause, IMO.

Gosh, I read the other boards all the time. I MUST get some therapy. LOL.

The above case is sad because another innocent child has been dragged into the story. But overall, I feel for the OW who have made such terrible mistakes in their lives. The price is so high.

It was not my intention to offend anyone or start a discussion about abortion. I don't find any pleasure in reading about it and I think it is a tragedy.

But I do think that the story is a good illustration of an affair and what the life in an affair "relationship" can be like. The man who betrayed his girlfriend and his children was consumed by guilt and the woman he left to be with wanted to satisfy her own selfish needs at any cost. To me the point here is the psychology of guilt and selfishness, not the fact that the man was not married. The consequences of betrayal, guilt and selfishness would have struck them equally hard or even harder if he would have been married.

The "insight" I attribute to the OW (hit me if you like but to me she is an OW and I don't think it would have made any difference to her if the man would have been married) is the last line:
"I just want to say that even if he chooses to be with you it will not turn out well. I just wish that I could have seen it coming."

It is amazing to read how badly the affairs turn out.

Usually the wife finds out and that is the end of the affair. The OW is completely shocked.

Then there are the ones where she waits years while the married man makes excuses - till the kids are older, till the finances are better, blah, blah, blah - and the married man NEVER leaves.

The "endings" board over on TOW is rife with many stories just like this. Those of us who have been here for a while already know how badly affairs end and the tragic consequences....we lived it....but for those that need a reminder....it's sure not hard to find.

I think that cutting and pasting posts from other forums is discouraged by the mods here (because it can cause board wars and "invasions"). You can site things like research or published articles with links....but forum discussions aren't really the same. At least that's what I've come to understand, but go ahead and ask JustUss because I'm not a mod or anything.

what a sad story, huh? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Poor little baby.

Thanks, but I did not cut and paste, what I wrote was a summary of the story from several posts. Maybe a technical detail but it is not straight from the board. But if you think it may cause any trouble it is probably best to delete the post. How do I ask JustUss?

whyus, don't worry about it. Justuss will let you know if there is a problem with it. As far as I know, there is no problem with telling a story you read elsewhere. Thanks for posting it. It is a great reminder that there are never any winners in the game of cheating. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I really don't think you're at the point where you need to delete, but since you were considering more stories.....I just wanted to encourage you to make sure it's okay. You can email JustUss anytime by just clicking her name....and her email comes up. Summaries may be okay. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

MelodyLane & star*fish are correct.

It's ok to summarize a story from another board. Just don't name the board or the poster. Your post was OK. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Ok, thanks to all of you.

Almost all affairs I have read about end when the affairees start getting annoyed at each for one reason or the other. Usually they realize that the person they have been "in love with" is not the perfect man or woman they imagined and they start questioning why they are putting themself through all the trouble of the affair just for that.

I don't know any OW personally but a friend of mine was a BW. Her husband left her and their children, moved to an apartment and filed for divorce, all withing a week last year. After a few weeks it turned out that he was seeing another woman but he claimed that it was completely unrelated, it was just bad timing that he had met her right then. My friend did her best to save their family but eventually she gave in and the divorce was final. They had shared custody and my friend was so sad and worried, her children were hurt by the divorce. Their father moved to live with the OW and everyone thought that the separation was final. But then this summer my friend started dating her XWH again and he moved away from OW. It turned out that he had come to my friend and asked to see her again. Some of his friends have told us that he had started acting really nasty to OW and that he was never at home with her, he told her that he was spending time with his children but mostly he was just out driving. He wants to move home again but my friend won't let him in the house until he has shown her that she can trust him again.

So, the WS becomes annoyed and nasty when the gloss has washed away and they start to see the consequences of the affair, is that a correct conclusion?

whyus, it sounds like the affair crumbled under the light of reality, as most do. They are doomed to failure from the start because they are based on fraud and deceit.

Hey Charlotte,

How did you find those sites. I would like to browse them.

SG

Hi skinsgal,

I used to go to the midlife forum because I thought H might be having a midlife crisis. For all I know, he is.

Women and men waiting years and years and years and letting their WS's do what they want. 10 or more years with some of them.

I haven't been back there in a very long time. It's not worth it but if you want to check out some of their stories go for it. Some of those goofballs really need to come over here.

why_us was at a site for "The Other Woman" TOW...I think the address is "gloryb" but I don't remember what comes after the dot, whether it's com or what. If you type it into a search engine it will probably come up, though.

Let me know when you find it so I can remove the names from this post in case they are trolling over here.

Thanks!