I was scanning though some of these posts, and I'm a little afraid to post this as I am on the opposite side of the fence...but here it goes.

I have been married to my husband for 4 years, we've been together for 8. I love him more than anything in the world, he is my best friend. He recently just got out of a 4 year tour in the army, which was the hardest thing both of us have ever done, but we got out of it strong. He has not found another job and is in a different state doing training for it. I went out with some mutual friends of our last weekend to a bar, just go get out of the house and have some fun. One thing led to another (many bad judgements on my behalf) and I ended up getting really drunk. I barely remember anything that happened that night. The next day my friends came over to inform me that I had been found kissing another man...I was heartbroken. I have no recollection of doing this and this is something that I would never do to my husband. I know being drunk is no excuse, I"m not trying to make it one, but I literally have no idea what happened. I told my husband right away, it was the worst experience of my life. He's been going through different stages, we still talk everyday, sometimes about it, sometimes not. He's still not sure what he wants to do and if we can work this out. I am just so sick and disgusting at myself I dont know what to do. I've barely eaten in a week and if I didn't have to work I doubt I would leave my house. All I can think is that I ruined this great relationship that we had...

I've already sworn off ever drinking again...something I should have done while ago when I realized I had a problem. I'm just not sure what to do. He doens't getback home until January and I dont know how we are supposed to get through this. Any insight would be extremely helpful, and if you feel the need to call me names I accept that too...I deserve it.

Thank you

Hi leezy,

Welcome to MB!

First off, I'm NOT going to bash you at all... it took a lot of courage to post here!

You've done the right thing by immediately telling your H about what happened and for realizing that drinking isn't good for you (or your M)...

You guys can recover from this, but it's going to take a lot of hard work. You've made a great first step by telling your H.

Now you need to come up with a plan to PROTECT your M. Read the articles here on the MB site and check out some of the Harley's other books.

Your H will most likely have lots of questions. Be completely honest with him and don't try to hid anything... if you don't remember because you were drunk, then tell him that, but let him know what you are doing to keep this from happening in the future. It may mean that you need to find some new friends... bottom line is you need to do whatever it takes to ensure that you don't get yourself in this situation again.

Welcome to MB and please keep posting!

Semper Fi,

RIF

Thank you so much for responding RIF. I understand that this may not be the place for me, I'm just at a loss as to where to go. I've told him everything that I know, and he's talked to friends that were there and witnessed it. I don't want to hide anything from him. I've told him that I am through with drinking, and I mean that with my whole heart. He's just still not sure where he stands and it's so much harder that he is away, and our only form on communication right now is the phone. All I keep thinking over and over is that I have ruined everything...our relationship wasn't perfect, but it was good...really good. I'm just so scared that he is going to resent me for this for the rest of my life, and every time he looks at me that's all he's going to see...I'm not sure how I canlive with myself after this...


Thanks again for replying

hi Leezy

I am new to these boards myself but i wanted to say that from the opposited side of where you are i think the best thing you did was tell your husband right away and you being so remorseful is very nice to hear. i wish it was that way with my situation. You are just going to have to give him sometime to digest everything.

Is there any way you could go out and visit your husband? Maybe if you went out to where he is to see him maybe that would help. I dunno i am just trying to make some suggestions.

You and your H are in my prayers

Hi Bella,

I have thought about going to see him, and mentioned this to him. He was resistant, mostly because it is alot of money and he doens't have a lot of time. I respect that but told him if he changes his mind I can be there asap. No one will even know how remorseful and sorry I am...we've been talking this weekend and he seems to be okay, a part of me thinks he just doesn't want to deal with it now though...

Thanks for your words and prayers. I'm not sure what your situation is, but you are in my prayers as well...

Being drunk is no excuse, but is most likely the reason. You mention that you should have stopped drinking before. That you knew that you have a problem with drinking. You may not ever be found kissing another man, but chances are pretty good that by simply "swearing it off", you will end up drunk again.

You can not, and will not have a happy marriage with this man if you are a practicing alcoholic. I would suggest that you look up your local AA group, and call them. Ask them to speak with a female recovering alcoholic, and then ask her to help you determine if that might be your situation.

If you get into recovery for that problem, this place will give you all the help you need to make your marriage something better than you could ever dream. This WILL NOT happen, if you continue to allow alcohol to poison your life.

I didn't mean to confuse, but I am not an alcoholic. I do not drink often (especially without my husband), but usually when I do I suffer from blackouts,which should have been a warning sign not to drink anymore. I do know that being drunk is not an excuse, I'm not claiming that it is. I appreciate your input, just thought I would clarify.

You don't have to drink everyday. I have been told that if a person suffers more than one blackout, they are most likely alcoholic. The reason being that the blackout should frighten you so much that you would never let it happen again. Personally I took blackouts as a simple fact of life for years. I couldn't understand why they would bother anyone.

Many alcoholics drink only rarely. The fact is, it's not how much you drink or how often, but the fact that you can't seem to quit once you start. An alcoholic doesn't seem to have the ability to stop at a reasonable point, but continues to drink.

I wasn't trying to get after you. I repeated your words that being drunk was no excuse. You are right, it's not. The thing is that you kissed this guy because you were drunk, not because you were suffering from wayward thinking. Trust me though, there is a fine line between wayward thinking, and alcoholic thinking. They both fall into the category of "stinking thinking".

If you want to figure out how you managed to get yourself into this spot, you really should explore the possibility that you may be alcoholic.

An unfortunate fact for us alcoholics is that "swearing it off" doesn't seem to work. Before we know it, we do it again. Not saying this is your case, but you do seem suprised that this all happened. Another unfortunate fact is that it only get's worse with time.

Gale,

Thank you for your responses, and I really mean that. Alot of what you are saying is ringing true. I've always thought blackouts were just as part of drinking, I never really understood why I could not remember a whole lot about what happened on a night out, but other people could. Alcoholism does run in my family, which is one reason I am kicking myself for not seeing this earlier. It's also true that once I start drinking, it's hard to stop unless I pass out...obviously also I big warning sign.

I thank you for giving me some insight, I think I do have some checking around on things. I can say for certain that this experience has opened my eyes and has scared me so much that I won't drink again...but you have made me realize I may need some help with that.

I do sincerely thank you