Why can't I just accept she is going to say mean and hateful things and break our hearts over and over while the affair is going on.

At first she was at least apologetic and seemed to mean it. Early on she would look at me and cry and it seemed real.
Now four months in I am apparently the evil bane to her existence. All this is my fault. I left her no choice but to move in with OM and family. Its my fault she has no money now. Its my fault that my kids don't want to talk to her anymore. I keep telling myself don't listen shes not herself she has to tell herself these things to survive and justify but man oh man I could scream.

I guess im just wondering is it going to be such a roller coster nonstop? will the wavering just go on and on? Her telling my daughter tonight that She must accept it that she will never ever get back with me just hits home so much.
I still have so much faith and hope that thing will work themselves out. I just don't know how I can separate my mind and emotions. I tell myself I can do this. I can wait at least two years for her but them she rips us up. I guess thats why I need to just do a solid plan B and stick with it and not talk for any reason. I just don't know how do to it at this point. She has cut off everyone so I can't get anyone to even be a go between since her entire family is on the no call list since they told her to work things out and thats not what she wanted to hear.

I guess ill stop babbling on I just wanted to ask any FWS or anyone who want through this. Are there Phases for them during the affair? Its like the last week a switch was turned on and she went from at least being somewhat polite to super ****** with all of us. I hope its a sign things arnt so merry in lala land.

Hi Javaeak,

Have you exposed the A to everyone that could possibly help you end it?

Semper Fi,

RIF

It w/b a rollercoaster for a while. Expect it and get prepared. As for the WS babble.... it is eerily similar from WS to WS. So much so we figure there's some sort of on-line course they are taking or getting it beamed straight down from the 'mothership'. Very weird. We have threads that show some of the babble and many say it is what spewed out of their WS' mouths. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

So what are you doing to get prepared for yourself and your family?

Do any SAA, HNHN & LMBT reading yet?

L.

javaeak, I am so sorry for what you are going through. I am a BW and I don't have a lot of knowledge about MB but I just want to say to you that you don't have to listen to that kind of crap. Maybe someone else knows about possible phases but I think that you can not expect anything sensible from a WS ever.

First of all, you are in plan B, you should not have any contact with your WW. I am not sure what MB recommends but I think that you should arrange for an intermediary contact, let her know about the arrangement and go dark. If she refuses to go through the intermediary contact then fine, it is her choice and she will suffer.

Even if you have contact with her you don't have to listen to her when she starts blaming you. Tell her calmly that you don't accept that kind of talk and walk away.

Another strategy is reverse babble, to give her all her guilt back. You see, she probably talks like that because she feels so guilty for everything she is doing and she wants to put the blame on you so that she can feel better.

I was searching for the threads about reverse babble and I found this
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rue#Post3339053

Hang on, take care of yourself and your children and stay dark in plan B. Everything will get better, I promise you.

J,

Yes, I have the same situation right now. After 9 months, my WH is now very hostile. For the first 9, I thought we were working on recovery. He kept telling me that he wanted our M etc. but I found out that he kept lying and cheating with OW throughout the whole time. When I basically forced the sale of our house recently and moved into my own place, he bacame very hostile and now blames me for all of this. I've been in Plan B for 3 mos., but because of the house sale we had a couple of interactions where he did nothing but blast me.

I think what happens is when they have to start suffering the consequence of their A, they need someone to blame and of course it's the BS. And from what I've seen here on MB, that won't go away until the fog lifts and they become truly remorseful.

So put on your seatbelt and strap yourself in for a ride. If you've done a good Plan A, it may be time for Plan B. It's hard, but at least you don't have to live the daily drama of the A.

Hello there Rif.

yes I have exposed to all. Thats part of the reason I have to talk occasionally during plan b Because she wont talk to anyone anymore sense they all drilled her. She has a me against the world mentality at the moment basically shut off her entire family.

Hello Orhid.

Yeah I do have all the books been reading them over and over hoping to find peace of mind and learn how to be a better spouse. I have read the babble threads just hard when your actually hearing the words said to you to ignore them.

Thank you Why Us.

I will focus more on staying Dark I know its what I need to do. I am so impressed by any who can do it. I guess its weird even with her affair I still have the huge desire to make sure she is taken care of and doing fine. I guess I just need to focus on the kids and myself.

Thanks Chai
I'm not glad you have went through the same thing but its comforting hearing a similiar situation. This anger started the say way with me. I have the kids moved 1200 miles away and cut off all Money. I suppose I shouldve known it would turn hostile sooner or later after that.