I have asked in 2 other threads, but they didn't get much traffic. I would love to hear from FWW, WW, WH, FWH, etc. Since my wife has been gone, I have been talking to her by phone, she is answering my calls and being very polite about talking with me, but it doesn't seem like it is by choice. I know if she had her way I would just get the OM to move in and never talk to her, but I of course I am trying to recover my M. What is appropriate as a BS trying to PLAN A his WW? Is it right to call and talk about her day? Is it right to only call occasionally? Is it right to not call and she if she makes contact? I know that right now, she is very suspicious about my motives, and every call she thinks I am checking up on her. She has mentioned that she thinks, everything I am doing is to "get her back" I really do care about her life, but when I call and ask about her day or friends, she tells me I never cared about them before why am I asking now??? We used to talk about just about everything, maybe I didn't always initiate, but I always listened.

Ryan

Hi Ryan,

It's always kinda slow on the weekends here. I am still hanging in on Plan A myself and have mostly been communicating with H through emails, at least until the hearing Wednesday.

I sent him a Happy T-day email and have yet to receive a reply. Looks like I'm being Plan B'ed by him!

I've been told it's okay to initiate contact but don't beg or plead with H. I haven't done that. I have let him know where I stand regarding our M.

I'm not sure what to do in your case but I'm sure our experts here will read your thread when they are around. It gets frustrating waiting for an answer, I know. But it will come!

Hang in there!

Charlotte

Hello IWQ....I feel for you, I'm in what I would call exactly the same boat. My wife left the house in July. Since then, we get along really well (just like we always did). If I call, she returns the call, same with emails. All our conversations are really friendly, she hugs me, gives me a chaste kiss on the cheek (both cheeks, as she's French Canadian), and she knows how I feel...I want to save our marriage, even after everything that has happened.

The only thing I can think of, is to follow your gut instinct. Call as often as you think she is willing to hear your voice. I'm in the wilderness too, and have gone from ready to throw the towel in, to re-trying a renewed Plan A. I don't know....it doesn't seem like there's any right answer, until you can get better advice than mine, follow your intuition.

There doesn't seem to be any rhyme nor reason.....some threads take off and have a life of their own, others barely see the light of day....I have no idea how it works. But, do what you can to keep your thread active....post, ask questions, and read everyone elses' situation...there's a lot that are just like ours, and you can get a lot of info from them!

Best of luck my friend, don't give up yet!

Ron

IWQ and Ron,

A suggestion. Check out Rprynne's old threads. Click on his name for his old posts. You may have to even search his name to get some of his old stuff.

He is/was a BH. No kids. Wife moved far away to be with OM but he kept trying to Plan A. He counselled with the Harley's as well and, as I recall, was told to continue Plan A for a long as he could handle it. Steve Harley, I think told him that in these situations, with no kids and lots of independence (during the marriage meaning she wasn't a Stay at home wife and dependent upon husband for much of anything) that it's either Plan A or Plan D. Plan B just doesn't invoke that many issues for the wayward. It may even help them compartmentalize you away and move on with their lives believing you have seemingly moved on as well.

Anyway...after 2 years...his wife appears to be coming home. You may find his long story interesting and insightful and decide whether you can presevere like he did or not. See what you are perhaps signing up for.

He's also been a contributor from time to time. Post to him aon his thread ASKING for his advice and he'll post back. He just has to know you want his help.

Mr. Wondering

By the way, read about braeworth, bob_pure, ark and mark1952 (his musings thread)......countless others here.....there's lots of advice here to be had.

Thks Mister,

I'll search for that post.

Thks for your advice