Never realized there was a "Poem Forum" until recently. Years ago when I was going through "the affair" I would stay up into the wee hours writing and writing. Here is a poem I wrote when I was tormented by thought of the other woman.

Stuck in the Pictures

I'm stuck in the pictures, there's no where to go.
They're teasing, taunting, and haunting my soul.
I push them aside and they leave for awhile.
But soon hurry back and sneer with a smile.

For the book is now open, there's no secrets to hide.
Of my husband and her and the nights justified.
The liaison was long - a whole year nationwide.
Months to breed pictures, in my mind now reside.

This affair of the past lives on in my brain.
I'm not married to one, there's now three in the game.
What triggers these thoughts of this trio you ask?
It could be most anything that fulfills this task.

For our minds are computers, they store the good and the bad
They know not how to filter, out the pain of the past.
So my fate is now sealed, I live a new book.
With sad pictures of fairy tales that evil overtook.

Some days I panic, how will I ever survive,
The crashing of images into my eyes?
Stuck in the pictures, there's no where to go.
When they decide to come out and tear at my soul.

Is this why God offers a way of escape?
An out to this picture show of a wicked landscape?
Will I take the way out, offered by divorce?
Or live with my pictures and go the course.

I'm stuck in the pictures, there's no where to go.
They're teasing, taunting, and haunting my soul.
Will this all be for naught, this healing of guts,
Because in the end, I'll finally go nuts!



P.S. I didn't go nuts! The pictures are gone. God has done what he does best - miracles.

Thank you for putting the tag on there about the pictures being gone. I'm still waiting for the "gone". They just kind of come out of nowhere and catch you off guard don't they? I'm not prone to violence...but I just want to go rip her eyes out sometimes. Ya know?

Did anything help get rid of those images? Or was it just a matter of patience and time?

Hi SB,

Sorry I'm just getting back to the poem forum. Been busy with moving, a new grand baby, and power outages from icy weather.

You asked: "Did anything help get rid of those images? Or was it just a matter of patience and time?"

To be honest, it had a lot to do with patience and time. I know you didn't want to hear that. I wish there was some magic bullet.

It was many months before I had a day that I didn't think about the other woman 24/7 and I even chose not to know her name or look at a picture. I can't imagine the pain you're going through with the other woman being a friend. I'm so sorry you're going through this. But it does get better.

After many months of therapy, I finally came to the conclusion that I could wallow in my misery and torture or I could let God use this horrible thing to grow a better, stronger marriage. And you know what? He did! God will take our messes and create something beautiful if we'll let Him.

Several practical things I did was "raw anger writing" and asking my husband to hold me when the triggers or images were overwhelming. (One time my husband gave me a baseball bat and sat by my side as I beat the cr__ out of a pillow envisioning the OW and him!) But I digress. . . . . Our counselor instructed me to go to another room when I became very angry about the affair and write whatever came out. I still have all those notebooks and have looked at them once. . . . . . yikes! But they were very therapeutic.

After you have spued all that anger on paper, then if you like you can talk to your husband about it, but without all the horrible anger. Sometimes I did. Sometimes I didn't.

The other practical tool is called "thought stopping." I described it in the thread: "Forgiveness & Honesty - God's cure for an affair that happened 40 years ago."

One other practical thing I did was write out Philippians 4:6-8 on a 3x5 card and keep it in my purse to read over and over.

I read all your poems. They are beautiful, even the angry one, because they came from your heart. Do you have anymore? I've always loved to write, but poetry only comes out of me during times of pain. It's just as therapeutic as the raw anger writing.

Keep breathing, Still_breathing. . . . . you will make it. Hold on tight to God's hand. He won't let you down.

Blessings,
EE