I found out yesterday that my husband of 10 years has been having an affair with my daughter's babysitter. Yes, he took my 2 year old to her house and then stuck around for a little sex! It has been going on for 5 months. I didn't sleep all night and I am not sure where to go from here. He says he will cut off all contact, and anyhow I called her husband so I figure she's got enough problems of her own now. He says he loves me, he says he wants to stay together, last night he wouldn't let me leave so I called the police on him and they made hom go. I have two kids, 6 and 2 and I have been the primary breadwinner for the past 6 years. He worked part-time and was a stay-at-home dad the rest of the time. So now I find out while I was working he was having an affair. He says he wants to stay together but I really don't think I can live with the lies and disrespect.

I made him leave and the thought of having him around me is repugnant, should I let him come home or should I make him stay away for awhile?

I don't think I could ever have sex with him again. The thought that he was inside her just grosses me out and I don't know how to stop thinking about how there is no reason to save this marriage if I can't even be near him. Is this something that it is possible to get over?

He has been so mean and distant and uncommunicative for the last six months, to me and the kids. I don't even like him as a person right now, how is it possible that I could ever love him again?

My husband has always been very straight-laced. He always talked about obeying the rules, never lying... Now there is the whole other person who snuck around behind my back and lied to me. Who is that person?

I didn't think our marrige was in trouble. Maybe I am nieve but I thought we had a pretty good marriage and we were certaintly best friends. I'm not saying that things were perfect, I'm involved in a new business venture which has taken a lot of time, he manages a lot of property and works as a contractor part time, we have two kids and are involved in a lot of organizations and athletic endevours. I wasn't really thrilled with the way things were because there were times we were more like two people just living in the same house but I really thought that we were in love and that this was just one of those downtimes that any marriage has, isn't that normal? How can I deal with the fact that he ran away rather than dealing with the issues? I would have loved to talk but he just would sit down in front of the tv with his beer and make it completly obvious that he didn't want to.

What do I do now? What kind of time frame should I expect for things to happen in? How long before I stop bursting into tears every time a new thought comes to mind?

It will take a little while, not too long. Your feelings are normal and you will not always feel like this.

Take a deep breath and start working through the free material available on this site. I would suggest some of the books as well, you will get to them later though.

You should know that yes, you can rebuild your marriage should you choose to do so. You are not obligated to give your WH (wayward husband) another chance but should you choose to do so there is a plan to help you achieve it.

Sorry you find yourself here, breathe deep, you aren't alone.