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Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 2
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 2 |
When asking my husband of 26 years to share with me his top 5 emotional needs he had a hard time coming up with one. When I prompted him with an example like "sex" he agreed that was one of them. However, I thought his next statement to be interesting. He said one of his greatest needs is to be able to be alone doing what he loves to do most...fishing or mountain biking. My question is this...how do I deposit into his love bank when this need doesn't rely on me to meet?
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,033
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Member
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,033 |
Daisy, No need for him to try to think up categories. Dr. Harley has them categorized pretty well and all you and your H need to do is rank them. Emotional Needs Questionnaire He said one of his greatest needs is to be able to be alone doing what he loves to do most...fishing or mountain biking. My question is this...how do I deposit into his love bank when this need doesn't rely on me to meet? I don't think 'time alone' is an emotional need to be met by a spouse. It sounds like your H is referring to Recreational Companionship.
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 1,637
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 1,637 |
Daisydo,
I strongly recommend that you look at the EN questionnaire on this website and ask him to fill it out. You fill yours out, too. You both need context for a discussion of ENs.... if he does not understand the concepts as presented he is going to have responses that will not be useful to rebuilding your M.
Solitude as an EN? Distance from the M as an EN? I am a world-class loner and love my solitude, but I can assure you that "distance" is not a marital emotional need.
"Recreational Companionship" is such a need. There is also a questionnaire for that, but I don't know if it is a free download or if you need to get it from the "His Needs, Her Needs" book.
Spend a lot of time reading everything you can on this site, not just the forums. The articles are extensive and very, very helpful.
Chrysalis
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,033
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,033 |
Daisy, If you discover that your H does, in fact, have a high need for Recreational Companionship, HERE is the Recreational Enjoyment Inventory. This can help the two of you identify recreational activities that you both enjoy. Dr. Harley recommends that you spend at least 15 hours per week together meeting each other's top EN's. He also says that it is very important to find ways of meeting each other's EN's that you BOTH enjoy and agree upon.
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Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 2
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 2 |
Thank you. I appreciate the information. It was interesting listening to my H try to express himself when discussing the topic of EN. His first comment was "I'm really not a needy person." Yikes! Lord knows that I am...and I certainly have EN that need his attention...so of course, I want to meet his as well. Obviously we have more talking to do.
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