My husband and I have been married for 10 years, we have 2 children under the age of 5. I recently dicovered emails to two different women in which he shared his feelings about our marriage. The other email he told the woman, who is 25 that he loved her and couldn't wait to be with her. Once discovered I confronted him, he lied and lied and lied. But he can't deny anything. I contacted his girlfriend and made sure she knew I was fighting for my marriage. I changed his cell phone number so he could not receive the 20+texts from her every day. I wrote him a long letter after a week on intense crying and talking. I told him that I would do whatever it takes to keep this marriage together. I take responsibility for my share of this situation. I asked him to stop communicating with her. He claims he has not had sex with her but he has told so many lies I don't know what to beleive. It has been 2 days since I asked him to stop and he still hasn't. He fully realizes what he has to lose and he doesn't seem to care. And I am nearly at the end of my rope. He is being deceptive. He contacts her via chatroom every day. And I just don't know what to do and I'm finding it so difficult to stay composed for my children. Every night I come home from work I just want to hide in my room. I know what it will take to rebuild our marriage. He says he doesn't have any fight left in him. I know he loves me and that she is feeding him as is she is cocaine to an addict. I know all this but how do I stop it? His parents know, many of our friends know but it doesn't matter to him. She is going to be in our town on Friday and he shared with me why, should I have any compassion for her, should he expect me to? Should I be grateful if he does not go to see her?

I know why we are in this boat, I know we stopped trying — that the kids became the priority. But how can I get him to see this?He doesn't think it's possible to rekindle what we once felt for each other. I just bought His Needs Her Needs for Parents and can't wait to dive in. But I cannot row the boat alone. I'm seeking any advice from anyone to show me how to get this EA to end and how to rebuild.

He says that the fact that he hasn't walked out says something. But what?

WH: 40
BS: 36
Dday: 11/22 EA

Welcome to Marriage Builders! I am sorry you have found yourself here however, You are in the right place!
Read, read and read some more of these pages - Look into Plan A! You are doing the right thing and you have found a great support system.
Hang in there.

Just been through this with my wife a month ago and I want you to be prepared...

In this day and age it would be surprising if they have not had sex. My WS was telling me the same thing and there was so much lying that it became almost comical. Eventually it all came out and my worst fears actualized. You will be surprised at your own strength if you have gotten this far.

Don't worry about why he is staying. If you want your marriage you use whatever you are given regardless of WS motive. While he is there you can show him appropriately that you want to save this. Read read read.

Get people to help support you now, tonight - go to your church. This is going to probably get worse before it gets better and you will have to "row the boat" yourself for sometime if you want to keep your marriage. It sucks - it is unfair - but it is just a cold reality - the one that wants to keep the marriage has to do the work.

Buy time - get into counseling - I used the position of telling my WS that even if we were to get divorced, we would not want to repeat the mistakes in our next relationship and counseling would help make sure that didn't happen. I don't know if that worked because of guilt or logic, but it got us into counseling and started the process of getting the fog lifted.

Pray without ceasing. Tell God you can't handle it and that only He can.