My husband and I have been married for 10 years, we have 2 children under the age of 5. I recently dicovered emails to two different women in which he shared his feelings about our marriage. The other email he told the woman, who is 25 that he loved her and couldn't wait to be with her. Once discovered I confronted him, he lied and lied and lied. But he can't deny anything. I contacted his girlfriend and made sure she knew I was fighting for my marriage. I changed his cell phone number so he could not receive the 20+texts from her every day. I wrote him a long letter after a week on intense crying and talking. I told him that I would do whatever it takes to keep this marriage together. I take responsibility for my share of this situation. I asked him to stop communicating with her. He claims he has not had sex with her but he has told so many lies I don't know what to beleive. It has been 2 days since I asked him to stop and he still hasn't. He fully realizes what he has to lose and he doesn't seem to care. And I am nearly at the end of my rope. He is being deceptive. He contacts her via chatroom every day. And I just don't know what to do and I'm finding it so difficult to stay composed for my children. Every night I come home from work I just want to hide in my room. I know what it will take to rebuild our marriage. He says he doesn't have any fight left in him. I know he loves me and that she is feeding him as is she is cocaine to an addict. I know all this but how do I stop it? His parents know, many of our friends know but it doesn't matter to him. She is going to be in our town on Friday and he shared with me why, should I have any compassion for her, should he expect me to? Should I be grateful if he does not go to see her?

My marriage began to fall apart at least 6 months agao but I would says 3 years ago. I came home and found all these porn sites open on our computer and — it was the beginning of the end I think. I realized he wasn't perfect. That I wasn't meeting his 'needs'. I was 8 months pregnant at the times.

I know why we are in this boat, I know we stopped trying — that the kids became the priority. But how can I get him to see this? He doesn't think it's possible to rekindle what we once felt for each other. I just bought His Needs Her Needs for Parents and can't wait to dive in. But I cannot row the boat alone. I'm seeking any advice from anyone to show me how to get this EA to end and how to rebuild.

He says that the fact that he hasn't walked out says something. But what?

WH: 40
BS: 36
Dday: 11/22 EA

1st off ... sorry you're here!

2nd ... read, read and read some more

3rd (and you'll hate me for saying this!) ... but the reality is you do have to row the boat alone ... for a while anyway. As unfair as that may seem WH will not "get it", will say lots of hurtful things and on and on.

As you'll read you'll see a lot of reference to Plan A ... read up as best you can on this ... I'm sure other more experienced Plan A'ers can give you better advice than me.

And EXPOSE ... to everyone who can possibly persuade either side ... family, friends, work, her family, work, etc. Exposure beings the fantasy element of an A under a bright glaring light and has proven over and again to be sucessful in bringing the demise of the A.

Keep posting and be strong!

Welcome to MB. The starting point is Plan A where you show him what a wonderful wife you can be with no angry outbursts or disrespectful judgements. Plan A also includes continuing to expose the affair.

Where did he meet the OW?

He met his OW on a business trip in a place he visits monthly. I am comtinuing to expose despite fear of his angry outbursts. every day it is something new and I am running out of steam. He justifies it all because of the state of our marriage prior to meeting her. But since he met her I can do no right. Our marriage was a sham and he's done everything because it was the "right things to do".

A big part of plan A should include ignoring just about anything and everything that comes out of his mouth.

Read up on the anatomy of an A on this site ... it is 99.9% similar in all cases on here (mine included) ... WS will re-write the history of the M to self-justify their actions.

While he is still in contact with OW his mind will continue to create any weak justification he can for himself to continue on.

Exposing the A ... wide and quick ... will help hasten it's demise (might make his angray and miserable but so what ... your M can recover from his anger ... it cannot recover while A is ongoing).

While the A dies its inevitable death you Plan A to the best of your ability and expect it to be one way ... in fact expect WS to be downright nasty at times. Avoid all deep talks about your M and relationship ... you would be just as well off talking to the nearest wall!