With the holidays coming up I'm just wondering how difficult it is for both the WS and BS. Do the WS just have a grand time because they get to spend time with the OP? Or does the holidays trigger some feelings of guilt or remorse? I am in PLan B, so there won't be any communicatios. I'm just trying to gain some knowledge!!

My WS is circling the commode financially and her mom just died on Thanksgiving day last week.

I warned OMW about wifey's family crisis so she be vigilant if wifey tries to whine to OM.

So I'm willing to bet mine will be better than her's.

Pariah,

I'm very sorry to hear of the loss of your former MIL...<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

I'd like to think my WxGf had a bad Thanksgiving not because I wish her ill but rather because she had to deal with the guilt of her affair as her family doesn't know.

Problem is mine was terrible because I was triggering massively and I was projecting horrible anger like my ex used to do.

I know my Thanksgiving.. after transferring DS to WW at noon was pure misery..

I literally threw myself around the living room for about half an hour in agony, crying out to God to just take the pain away.

If you're hurting.. make up a big turkey sammich and turn on the game.. you'll be out in 20 minutes... naps are good when feeling down.

As much of a circus as my MIL was, she always was kind to me.

I have no ill feelings toward MIL and wish her Godspeed on her journey.

As for my stbxw, I hope this is just another helping of the misery she needs to feel for destroying our family.

Jamesus-
Thank you for that. That was PERFECT. I TOTALLY understand what you wrote. I have done that in several rooms of the house.

My H left town for thanksgiving to see his sis. He had a great time. He did think of me; but I know he wasn't sad like I was.

For Christmas and New Years he plans to be gone again seeing family, so again, it will be new and novel for him. For me it will be big gaping hole.

Betrayed spouses suffer now. Wayward spouses suffer later.

Echo for what sdguy said.

Ok, I have to bite, what causes the Wayward to suffer later? Or when do they suffer later?

I spent Thanksgiving with HIS sister and her family. He was alone with OW and didn't have his family stuffing. I missed him terribly, but actually had a great day, except for one point and my SIL saved me with making the gravy.

She would like to D her brother, NOT me.

SG

1) When they wake up and realize what they've really done to their spouse and children and have to live the rest of their life with that realization.

or

2) When they wake up and realize they've thrown away said spouse and children and are now shackled to an OP instead.

Mulan

hmmmmmmmmm...

If you are talking about the holidays...then lets not forget that the major ones in December are religious...

what a mockery, a slap in God's face for infidels together to celebrate these holidays...

I seriously doubt that God sent his Son, to be born and then die..... so that in his name...cheaters can play fake Christmas celebration...

AND
I seriously doubt that the Jewish folks were facing the suffering of no light for their lamps....in sacrifice....


to be celebrated by people who cheat and lie....

who has the better real holidays...

the BS without a doubt....

the others have shadows as their actions keep them from the light of God....

I don't think that not commiting adultery as a commandment is something that God himself takes lightly....

don't think so...or else he wouldnt have whispered it to Moses...and it'd be the NINE commandments....

ARKie..

Yanno....I love the fact that the holidays are one of the few times that WSs suffer so much. It's one of my guilty pleasures. I don't necessarily think their suffering is "worse" than the BSs....it's just one of the few times when they appear to suffer at all. The BSs suffering is continous, and the loss of family during the holidays is one of the times when the WS can really feel "loss" acutely TOO. Ho ho ho

Thanks for all the replies. Interesting points of view. Anymore???

I have to say, my first holidays alone were not as bad as I assumed they would be. I celebrated Halloween (we used to throw parties), Thanksgiving, Christmas, and my 35th Birthday without FWH (then WH) last year.

It was actually a relief to NOT have to see him during those times. I was able to focus on my son and family, as well as MYSELF.

I was sad that my HUSBAND was not there. I was not sad that the blank faced blob that he had become, around me, was not.

From what FWH told me, he spent the holidays alone.

great great gifts of blessings and Grace can come to those that suffer...

I do not believe things happen for reasons...I believe God mourns our hurts and pains....but does not cause them...

through suffering and persecution though we are often brought closest to God...

WS sufferings are of their own creation and are without any of Gods blessings or Grace....

ARK

The times that I suffered helped to bring me to a place where lack of suffering was pure bliss.

I now appreciate sooooo much of the little things. It's like something as simple as feeling internal peace is the greatest blessing of all. Without the suffering I know I wouldn't have even noticed internal peace, appreciated it or strived for it.

Ami, if you have done a good Plan A (meaning working on yourself and being the best you can be, Plan B should bring you to a place of peace this Christmas, where you can be in the kind of emotional place SilentLucidity says she came to.

And as Ark says, the times I suffered the most are the times I was closest to God. It was a needy closness because I was in pain, but it was more of a closeness I had had in quite some time.

Once the pain is gone, the closeness changes to where it is not of need. The other side of need.

I don't care what the WS feels during the holidays, I'm just thankful I am not wayward.

Silent..I hope my WH is sitting home alone this Christmas. We, my kids and I have a great network of friends and family. My WH does not. Even if he is with OW I can't help but feel that he might have a sense of loss and sadness over not being with his family. Maybe that's what he needs to see that she can't be everything to him.

Ani....I've always thought that holidays are a huge opportunity for saving marriages because I do believe that WSs feel the loss acutely at this time. It gives them a chance to re-evaluate their choices and experience a little of the loss they've imposed on their spouses.

But there needs to be a BIG WARNING to BSs:

*DO NOT let a cake eating WS freeload on your holidays and get his "family fix".

BE CAREFUL of false recovery....WSs will lie to get that "fix" and then leave right after.

*For holidays to create a benefit....the WS needs to suffer through them without the priviledge of a family environment.

Hugs to all the BSs....there isn't a better time to be home than the holidays and it's one of the times when being the one left behind can have an advantage.

Only "spouses" get to come home for the holidays. Waywards have to stay out in the cold and look through the window like the "Little Matchstick Girl". Make sure what they see....is warm and lovely without them.