Golfer,
Please choose to believe she is having sex with her hubby. You know this in your gut...and she may be having sex with others as well.
The infatuation/fantasy is a stimulant...gives false highs in the unreality...increases libido...and if she's one to threaten divorce...which hits deep in our abandonment fear...then they are in a spin cycle and you're a big part of them spinning.
You're the drug dealer to their marriage...remove yourself. You're worth more than that...you're better than that. Selectively believing she won't lie to you, will be different with you because of you...isn't true. Not real. She takes her problems with her wherever she goes...and she looks for others to solve HER.
Don't go for that. She was as crazy about her husband, as infatuated, attracted to and in love as she seems to be with you. She chose to marry him...and hence, the infatuation stage ends and the really tough phase of relationship begins...showing real selves to each other...and it's tough and rewarding, deeper and more real than what you've known so far in your life...and it can be at times pure ******. All necessary to get to the third phase of marriage...to mature love...which boggles my mind...had no idea...
Do me a favor...get the book "Getting the love you want" by Harville Hendrix. Treat yourself. Learn why you are attracted to her (and it has little to do with her), where that comes from, and see with eyes wide open why she's attracted to you, too...because you're very much like her real husband...when he was a fantasy.
When you become the reality, she'll resent, abuse and mistreat you in the same way...real selves to real selves...instead of best selves.
Meanwhile, her marriage could be recovering right now, if her BH knew the truth (he will not assault you...that's more garbage fantasy that drives the whole A thrill)...and she goes no contact with you...and you save yourself from a lot of heartache, remorse and regret. Don't dig yourself deeper. Do the right thing right now. Trust your the self you'll be tomorrow, when you really do it...
and wean yourself off this fantasy addiction. Reality rocks mightily...when we learn how to see, feel and live in it fully.
You can do this. You're smart enough to be here...brave enough to post...read...ask...there is no reason on this earth that this can't be your moment to begin to thrive.
I promise.
LA
