Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
| Tax-deductible Donation | Site Tour | Meet Dr. Harley | Basic Concepts | Q&A Columns | Articles | Guidance Forum

Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Forums Calendar Active Threads
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
TRUST - What is it?
#1979248 11/28/07 01:52 PM
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 9,015
F
ForeverHers Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
ForeverHers
Member
F
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 9,015
Quote
"Trust is not about how much you trust one person or another to do right or wrong. How much you trust another person is a function of how much you trust yourself to be strong enough to deal with their imperfections." Dr. Phil


This was an interesting quotation that I ran across in the sig line of one our members and it seemed like a good starting point to discuss the rebuilding of TRUST, or if it's even needed in a marriage (Some have said you should never trust your spouse, for example).

So I thought I'd toss it out there if anyone wanted to comment or discuss the issue of TRUST.

For what it's worth, I think of trust (regarding one's spouse) as the ability to predict what they will do and how they will behave when you are not around.

Dr. Phil seems to be talking about the ability of person to "take down" their own protective walls and allow themselves to trust again, but I could be wrong.

"Dealing with their imperfections" seems to be very nebulous and open to many "consequences" too, including divorce as one way to deal with infidelity.
Re: TRUST - What is it?
ForeverHers #1979249 11/28/07 03:04 PM
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,632
S
shinethrough Offline
Member
Offline
shinethrough
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,632
Funny FH, I was thinking today about trust. How I always thought that to have a perfect M, you neeeded to have perfect trust, or it would never work.

Since being here, it would seem Dr H disputes that position in that he implies we are all wire for infidelity. And, furthur, that we should never completely trust our S, as if it were some major mistake to do so. I guess a lot of us Bs have egg on on our face now. Guess that's the way I feel anyhow.

What a horrible disapointment this has become in reality. It's not what I bargained for in a M. Guess I was naive as the next one.

On to forgivesness. That's the next Christlike thing we can do, right?

All Blessings,
Jerry

edited for spelling

Last edited by shinethrough; 11/28/07 03:07 PM.
Re: TRUST - What is it?
shinethrough #1979250 11/28/07 08:12 PM
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 598
H
healingbird Offline
Member
Offline
healingbird
Member
H
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 598
I don't see Dr. Phil suggesting that someone take down their walls. I see it as someone having a strong enough sense of "self", and good boundaries, that they can choose an appropriate method to deal with the breach in trust, whatever it may be. And the appropriate methods might very well vary as to what the breach actually was.

At least, that's my 2 cents on it.

From a Christian perspective, I think one of our MCs put it best - don't put your trust in your spouse, put your trust in God. If both spouses put their trust in God, then (to me) it follows that trust between the two won't be a problem.

I could be wrong - I'm certainly no marital success story (at least not yet).

Formerly known as brokenbird

BH (Me) - 38
WW (Magpie) - 31
Married 2001 (Together 8 years)
DS - 13
DD - 5
EA/PA - 9/05-12/05
D-Day - 11/05

Second separation. Working on me.

If you remain in Me and My words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given to you.
John 15:7 (NIV)

Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
1 members (1 invisible), 870 guests, and 82 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Bibbyryan860, Ian T, SadNewYorker, Jay Handlooms, GrenHeil
71,838 Registered Users
Forum Rules · Mark All Read Contact Us · Forum Help · Marriage Builders
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Feedback | Terms and Conditions | Privacy Policy | Contact Us | Site Map | Account
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5