Well WxGf emailed reagarding the car issue. She says shes putting up money for advertising. Problem is she won't be able to sell it without the car being paid off (around Sept 08) but she doesn't know it.

She's addressing me by name professional name rather than my name for friends, family, etc. which hurts.

I've been doing lots of research and discovered that her behaviors very closely resemble bi-polar II. So in essence her cheating may have stemmed from a mania phase along with EN's I wasn't meeting.

She can't get better until she faces herself.

Having serious pangs about calling her to ask her if she was ever diagnosed with BP II

Arghhhhh

Be still Infodude..

You're absolutely right.. she can't get better until she faces herself. You can't do that for her.. she's going to have to find her own mirror. The one she looked in that was you didn't give her the picture she wanted.. because it reflected someone who -knew- her.. warts and all and loved her. She didn't feel like she deserved that love.. convinced herself she was lonely.. because if you were paying attention you would have seen all the flaws and pushed her away yourself. She made her choice.. she's running down a narrow path filled with pitfalls..

Eventually she'll look up.. it's just a matter of time.

The question is, will you still be there with your hand out when she does?

Same sitch as me.. depression is nasty to live with in a spouse.. don't fall into it yourself.

Needed that. I resisted the temptation to call her tonight because I realized that there's nothing positive that would come of it and only negative would happen.

We'll see we're still dealin the car issue that doesn't seem to go away and she didn't give me an offer like she suggested she would so, I guess I'll be hearing from her in about 10 months or so. So I'm still connected for better or for worse. We'll see where she's at at that time.

I'm working on me as much as possible but clearly like most people having a hard time dealing with her loss.

Yep I know the drill and for the most part I'm upbeat. Today was jsut one of those days in the rollercoaster.

Good news by not responding I gain the power back in a sense.

Still Plan B <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Keep your chin up man.. you're still early into this.. we both are.

You'll pull through just fine, keep yourself protected and at some point it stops hurting so much.

Took me to about the 2 month mark to stop obsessing all the time... it gets better. I'm better now than I was a week ago.. was better a week ago than I was a month ago.. better a month ago than I was on DDay..

I will get better, and so will you. Keep your faith where it belongs, know that we cannot see how God is moving on the other side of the mountain. If it is his will.. it shall be done.

4eleven:

Your story is kind of hard 2 follow, since most of it seems 2 be smatterings on other peoples' threads.

I just have a few 2uestions.

Have you exposed 2 the OMW?

Even though you're not married, it's still 2 early 2 go 2 plan B. (okay, that wasn't a 2uestion).

What's with the car? A used car, that you're buying from her (not either one of you from the bank?) is a pretty weak tie. I'd get rid of it (unless it's a valuable antique, or something).

As for the Bipolar hypothesis: Pure speculation. I'd drop it, as it's not a healthy focus for you right now. (okay, that wasn't a 2uestion, either).

And this isn't a 2uestion, either: It's been suggested before that you cut your losses, that her treatment of your relationship before marriage doesn't bode well for a lifelong commitment. But you say she's beautiful and that her family loves you.

I'd love her enough 2 let her go. I'd also do the right thing and expose the A. Not as a revenge 2l. Telling the truth is always right. And the OMW has a right 2 make her own choices about her own marriage.

-ol' 2long

Yes exposure to the OMW has happened.

Well we're not talking at this point save for the car issue and she doesn't want to talk to me.

We don't live together anymore.

The car was her old car. I don't have it although I did take over the payments which allowed her to buy a new car. I stopped paying on that as well. The title is still owned by the bank until it is paid off (if she pays it monthly it won't be sold until 9/08 at the earliest).

I told her my demand for being compensated for me making payments. She's reluctantingy agreeing to offer me part of the proceeds from the sale of the car.

She's diagnosed with depression don't know if that included a bipolar diagnosis. You are right however that it's unhealthy for me to obsess.

Agreed most everyone has said it. Obviously it's hard to let go but at this point there's nothing I can do. I lvoe her because of who she is (well outside of the A of course). She's beautiful but that's not why I love her.

Basically correspondence is only business at this point.

If no Plan B then how do I plan A? or is it just disappear?

People do manage 2 plan A when the WS has moved out. In cases where there are no kids, the Harleys usually advise proceeding with caution when dealing with a WS who's move out, because there isn't much 2 hold the M 2gether, and the A often "replaces" the M.

In your case, the tie is even more tenuous. If you were 2 plan B at this point, she'd probably be more relieved than anything.

But if you ever can have communication, there's no reason not 2 use it as a plan A from afar. Just know that it is difficult, and the odds aren't great she'll come around.

-ol' 2long

The good thing is I haven't bombarded her with calls e-mails etc so while she's very defensive at the moment I haven't forced her to think I'm needy, stalkerish, or obsessive.

I can Plan A her through my response e-mail to the car issue. Just need to keep in mind not come off needy and just to give her some nice words.

She's never said I can't call or don't call just we have nothing to talk about on the last visit to the old apartment to get my name off the lease. I just haven't been calling out of the need to heal and to avoid talking about the relationship which is a big no-no in Plan A.

Hey Infodude... did you send a Plan B letter? If so I'm not sure reaching out at this point is the right thing to do.

I could be wrong.. Plan B might actually backfire in your situation..

I'll defer to 2long.. I often disagree with him, only later to come back and tell him he's right on the money.

No formal Plan B letter to WxGF but I did send a letter to mutal friend to let someone know how I feel. mutal friend is now moving in with WxGF so I'm guessing she got it.

I'll try Plan A'ing.

Is mutual friend male or female?

female

Well.. as I've seen posted several times.. no letter, no Plan B.

Part of Plan B from my understanding is to show them a path home, while at the same time isolating yourself from the wayward madness.

Now I forget (we read so many of these).. is there an OM currently in the picture?

Plan B is to prepare you for the very real possibility of divorce. It is to protect the BS from further harm, and to protect what ever love the BS may have left for the WS.

It is not a manipulation tool. It is a tool to remove the BS from the chaos.

And it should not be done unless the head and heart are in sync (at peace and prepared for divorce).

And it is the second part to Plan A if recovery hasn't occured by then.

It is all about and for the BS.

Does this help, 411?

Yep MM in the picture former coworker

Got the gist with Plan B.

I struggle because were not married.


I'm not in sync at all. So I guess Plan A until I can wrie the Plan B letter to her.

We're apart right now and not really communicating save for the car issue.

I'm not sure if I should respond to her e-mail, call her and Plan A or just disappear.

JJ!!.. didn't realize who you were till just now.


Ok.. well Infodude.. I tellya, it's hard, but if you think you can Plan A for a bit maybe you should try it. Plan B isn't very effective without a good Plan A is what I've learned.. and Plan B without a letter is just ignoring her.. which makes her feel unappreciated by you.. not good.

Listen to JJ and 2Long.. I'm not exactly a success story around here yet.

I appreciate the good pearls of wisdom. I guess I can still remotely Plan A.

Plan B will have to wait a bit I guess.

How long together? And did you treat her bad or good while you were living together?

We were together for 2 years.

I treated her incredibly well. Never was abusive was good about meeting most of her needs. In essence she called our relationship perfect and that she didn't deserve me etc.