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Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 64
M
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Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 64
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Me: BH, 43
Her: FWW, 38
Married: Feb 29, 1996
Children: 2 Boys-11 & 14
EA started: sometime in 2006?
PA started: 08/21/07
D-Day: 10/24/07
No Contact initiated: 10/24/07
OM: My "ex-best friend" of over 20 years.
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 64
M
Member
Member
M Offline
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 64
Deleted by poster


Me: BH, 43
Her: FWW, 38
Married: Feb 29, 1996
Children: 2 Boys-11 & 14
EA started: sometime in 2006?
PA started: 08/21/07
D-Day: 10/24/07
No Contact initiated: 10/24/07
OM: My "ex-best friend" of over 20 years.
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 333
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Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 333
looks like you are hiding the fact that this all started with you agreeing to a few threesomes to me

if you do send that one-sided letter, maybe you should man-up and include that part now because you know it will come out eventually

in fact, i'm not even completely sure your story falls into a category where exposure is even relevant


FBH, 39
Now a primary custody dad
New life began June 2008
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 64
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Posts: 64
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Me: BH, 43
Her: FWW, 38
Married: Feb 29, 1996
Children: 2 Boys-11 & 14
EA started: sometime in 2006?
PA started: 08/21/07
D-Day: 10/24/07
No Contact initiated: 10/24/07
OM: My "ex-best friend" of over 20 years.
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
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I think exposure is necessary especially if OM and your EX are still having sexual relations. She has the right to know and decide if she wants to continue on in a relationship with OM.

This is truly a self-inflicted nightmare. That's the problem with swinging, it opens up all kinds of doors. God knew what He was talking about when he said not to commit adultery-- and swinging is adultery BTW-- even if both parties know it's going on.

I have to wonder if OM's EX is also involved in swinging. Now it's even more convoluted because not only have you and WW slept with OM, but with everyone else OM has slept with.

Wow, your letter reads like a PI report. It'll be hard for OM's EX to deny it. As far as revealing the 3-ways, I think I agree that you should let her know that's how it started. That in no way excuses your WW's continued affair but at least you can say you were completely honest in your exposure.

Do you guys have God in your lives? You surely need Him to help you straighten out this mess.


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 333
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i am by no means an expert in all this adultry stuff Mark

and what i wrote was not something i thought about for a long time. it was just what i was feeling soon after reading your NC letter

i can tell you the reasoning i used to say that however

i kinda thought that since you had a primary role in how the affair started that it might not be your responsiblity to tell this woman. now i could very well be wrong and others may disagree but i tend to think that maybe you should contact your old friend and tell him that as a way of making sure this doesn't happen again... and because OMXW is your friend... give him the choice of him telling her or you will

let a week or so pass and then call OMXW and try to determine if the subject came up and go from there?

she does have a right to know IMO... i'm just not sure how appropriate it would be for you to tell her given that this is not what Dr Harley had in mind when he wrote about writing NC letters?


FBH, 39
Now a primary custody dad
New life began June 2008
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 64
M
Member
Member
M Offline
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 64
Deleted by poster


Me: BH, 43
Her: FWW, 38
Married: Feb 29, 1996
Children: 2 Boys-11 & 14
EA started: sometime in 2006?
PA started: 08/21/07
D-Day: 10/24/07
No Contact initiated: 10/24/07
OM: My "ex-best friend" of over 20 years.
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 64
M
Member
Member
M Offline
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 64
Deleted by poster


Me: BH, 43
Her: FWW, 38
Married: Feb 29, 1996
Children: 2 Boys-11 & 14
EA started: sometime in 2006?
PA started: 08/21/07
D-Day: 10/24/07
No Contact initiated: 10/24/07
OM: My "ex-best friend" of over 20 years.
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464
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B Offline
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Posts: 7,464
Quote
No, I know for CERTAIN that neither OM nor his ex are into swinging.

You know nothing for certain. He was swinging with the 2 of you for a start.


Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 64
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M Offline
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 64
Deleted by poster


Me: BH, 43
Her: FWW, 38
Married: Feb 29, 1996
Children: 2 Boys-11 & 14
EA started: sometime in 2006?
PA started: 08/21/07
D-Day: 10/24/07
No Contact initiated: 10/24/07
OM: My "ex-best friend" of over 20 years.
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464
ummmmmmmmmmm HELLO

He got together with his EX wife by having an affair with her. She wasn't religious enough for that.

He gets it on with married women as his specialty.

You know NOTHING about what he is really like. He's got a whole secret second life going here.


Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 64
M
Member
Member
M Offline
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 64
Deleted by poster


Me: BH, 43
Her: FWW, 38
Married: Feb 29, 1996
Children: 2 Boys-11 & 14
EA started: sometime in 2006?
PA started: 08/21/07
D-Day: 10/24/07
No Contact initiated: 10/24/07
OM: My "ex-best friend" of over 20 years.
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464
B
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Member
B Offline
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464
I'm not picking on you matey. It's just that WS's lie - it's their specialty. Rarely is anything as it seems.


Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 64
M
Member
Member
M Offline
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 64
Deleted by poster


Me: BH, 43
Her: FWW, 38
Married: Feb 29, 1996
Children: 2 Boys-11 & 14
EA started: sometime in 2006?
PA started: 08/21/07
D-Day: 10/24/07
No Contact initiated: 10/24/07
OM: My "ex-best friend" of over 20 years.
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464
B
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Member
B Offline
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 7,464
Well I don't know that she needs that detail.

If she is still a sexual partner, you owe it to her to let her know he has been having sex with your wife so she can get tested and protect herself against STD's. If she doesn't believe you it's her own denial and you can then just drop it.

In fact, you and your wife should also be screened by STD's. The way you have both exposed yourselves it's probably a biological zoo down there.


Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 64
M
Member
Member
M Offline
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 64
Deleted by poster


Me: BH, 43
Her: FWW, 38
Married: Feb 29, 1996
Children: 2 Boys-11 & 14
EA started: sometime in 2006?
PA started: 08/21/07
D-Day: 10/24/07
No Contact initiated: 10/24/07
OM: My "ex-best friend" of over 20 years.
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 64
M
Member
Member
M Offline
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 64
Deleted by poster


Me: BH, 43
Her: FWW, 38
Married: Feb 29, 1996
Children: 2 Boys-11 & 14
EA started: sometime in 2006?
PA started: 08/21/07
D-Day: 10/24/07
No Contact initiated: 10/24/07
OM: My "ex-best friend" of over 20 years.
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 64
M
Member
Member
M Offline
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 64
Deleted by poster


Me: BH, 43
Her: FWW, 38
Married: Feb 29, 1996
Children: 2 Boys-11 & 14
EA started: sometime in 2006?
PA started: 08/21/07
D-Day: 10/24/07
No Contact initiated: 10/24/07
OM: My "ex-best friend" of over 20 years.

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