Missalot - huge, long, warm, loving hug from NY. Tears too, loosing a child is agony and puts Enormous strain on marriage!

You are Absolutely in the RIGHT place at MB! Welcome!

I totally agree with Kim - MOVE RIGHT BACK IN TO YOUR HOUSE!!! (Hasn't your lawyer demanded this from you?)
I don't know about MN laws, but in NY - you MUST stay in the house (or suffer nasty consequenses) until you have a separation agreement.

Anyway, Read read read the MB site. You are most definately going to have to deal with your daughters passing, but you can't do it all at once. You just can't - it's WAY too much! "Take little bites" Get your marriage back on solid ground. He loves you - work on that. I am fairly confident - as are most here, that your H wants a good marriage With YOU.

Perhaps your H does not want to deal with the pain of death - OKAY - I think many would agree that it is just about as painful as it gets.
But you can only hide from pain for only so long.
Be there for him. He is going to need you.

I do not know how, but I do believe you will find the strength you need to get through this.

God bless.

Thank you for your advice! I think I got it now. Still don't know what a "thread" is but oh well. I am hangin in there. Thank you for asking. Our son is with my husband now till Thursday afternoon! I have not seen him since 9:30 am today! I have NEVER spent more than 3 days away from him. The next few days I am sure I will be here on the site majority of the time to learn and get support and hopefully have the opportunity to help someone else a bit too!
God Bless
Love Always

Thank you for your hugs. I can feel them all the way over here in the freezing cold of MN! There is nothing like a hug to make a person feel better.
My lawyer did not demand much from me since he knew that I am going thru PTSD (post traumatic stress dissorder) right now. It is pretty severe so he just recommended that I do what will keep me well. I talked to my lawyer the other day and put everything on hold. I am absolutely not ready for divorce. As far as MN laws, it does not seem to matter. it is a 50/50 state. Everything is split equally.
The therapist I recently started seeing for Natalie's(my baby girl) death is a greif councellor and he even recommmended working on my marriage first since that is what is going on with me right now. I will have my whole life to greive over the loss of my Angel. And that will never change. you are right by saying "you can't do it all at once". One step at a time.
I wish I could be as confidant as you regarding what my H wants. He says he is not in Love with me anymore and has not been for a couple years. Not so sure if I believe the time line. He sure seemed to me that he loved me alot up untill last February when things started to get strained. He has also told others that he wants a divorce. Does that mean he really wants it or he just does not know how else to resolve all of our conflicts. I am not sure how to start with my H right now. Any suggestions? I would love to hear ANYTHING!
I have tried to be there for him. I have told him that he can talk to me about anything anytime! Whenever he is ready! I am not sure if that is enough for him to open up to me. Any ideas there??? He has told me he needs to keep his "emotional body armor" on in full strength when talking to me. I miss my best friend!

For some reason God needs me to get thru this or I would not be here today.
Thanks.
God bless
love always

Will you H consider marriage counseling or talking with the Harleys? That would be a start. He might say he doesn't love you, he might be in so much pain or confused he really doesn't know what he means or wants.

IMO if he will talk about your M that will give you some solid ground to work with. Read about plan A. This will show him your love for him and your desires to recover your M.

P.S. A thread is each individual situation. Each reply is a post. For example under my bio are 2 of my threads, this is your thread our replies are the posts. Good job on changing the title! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

(((missalot)))

Not sure if my H will consider marriage counceling. He seems to think that divorce is the only option. in my H's words, "why would she(meaning me) want to be with someone who does not want to be with her?" He has told that to numerous people. We can not afford the Harleys however I would LOVE to! one question tho, If I talk to my H about marriage counceling, isn't that something that kinda goes against plan A. I have read plan A but it does not seem to be clear enough for me. With the state of mind I am in right now (PTSD) I need things to be VERY clear as to what approach to take and when. My mind just does not seem to process things very well right now.
What does IMO mean?
I need alot of guidance right now and I feel like everyone on this forum are doing a GREAT job with me and my situation.
Thanks to all!!
God bless
love always

You are doing just the right things! - You hang in there - this takes a while. If you have half the weather we have in Central NY - you just wrap yourself up in something warm and take care of yourself!
If you see or talk to your H - make him remember the person he married - "the Giver" be pleasent - be wonderful. He is testing you like a child tests their parents boudaries.
Be strong take care of yourself so you can be the person you want to be - Strong and fair and loving.

IMHO your H has his head firmly up his "where it does not belong",
and I can tell you from experience, the view in there is not pretty.
He will say wierd stuff and not mean any of it.

(My H SWORE to me that he had been faithful - showed me PROOF that he was faithful - I did NOT even suspect he was cheating - I knew he was trying to but I really believed him - then he spilled his guts - my God! The lies were worse than the truth!)

Read - Read other posting - as hard as it may seem - some of the stories out there are worse than yours!

you have to be patient. (VERY HARD to do, I know)
Find Grace.
Find Serenity
Find an Alanon Meeting.

And Stay warm!


hugs!

(((missalot))) let us know how it's going.

mvg-
things are going okay. I have been trying to keep conversation with WH to things like our son and work. Seems to be going well. I called my H lastnight to say goodnight to my Son(he was staying the night) and there was no answer. I left a message on the machine to have my son call me back. No one called and I started to panic. Finally at about 12:30am my H called. He was being very nice and just wanted to let me know that him and our son fell asleep watching a movie. I thougt it was a step in the right direction for us cuz he has NEVER done that b-4. On the other hand I am a bit suspicious as to how he did not even hear the phone ring. Any words of encouragement?

God bless
love always

It was good WH called back right? Especially at 12:30 AM, shows he at least knew you'd be concerned and he addressed it. Some folks wouldn't have called so late and mean people would have let your worry all night. So this is a good thing!

I've slept thru the phone ringing especially if the TV is on.

Encouragement....pray for God to show you his will and way. Take deep breaths, try to relax, be good to yourself, look for positive signs within yourself and others.

(((missalot)))

mvg-
read my new post on GQII. Let me know what you think.