So...does anyone else struggle with not totally despising the OP?

I know, as a Christian, I should love my enemies. I don't think this means liking what they do, but just doing good to them if you have an encounter. (And, I hope to never have an encounter!!!)

I know that my WH has my DS around his OW. I also know, that he sends her pictures of my DS and tells her all the "cute" things he does. I feel totally invaded by her and know that she would love to go on "family" outings with my WH, DS, and her DD. I'm sure she would also love to be able to see my DD if she could.

I really struggle with not wishing her ill. She has been very horrible in manipulating the situation with my WH and done everything in her power to destroy my marriage.

I am having difficulty not being completely angry with her all the time. The very thought of her makes me feel disgusted, sad, angry, jealous and a myriad of other emotions that could be mentioned.

I really feel like she is just sitting back thinking.."yeah, I stole your husband because you weren't woman enough to keep him" followed by letting out an evil cackle.

Sorry for the rant. I just really cannot stand this OW, because she is so "in your face" about cheating with my WH.

Plus, she's cheated with a married man before...nothing stops her.

When will she get justice???

"I really feel like she is just sitting back thinking.."yeah, I stole your husband because you weren't woman enough to keep him" followed by letting out an evil cackle."

Saralynn - My ex's OW DID tell me "You ought to be thankful that AT LEAST I don't drive by and say ""Naa-naa, I've got your husband"".

The OW by definition doesn't have good self-esteem. Otherwise they would hold out for an available man. Once you understand that, it should get easier.

Wow. That is awful. How nice that she let you know that....I'm glad your xWH got to see what a peach she was eventually.

I do realize that my WH's OW has major issues in regard to men, but she seems to leave nothing but destruction in her wake. Her previous romp with a married man may or may not have resulted in divorce, but I'm sure it did nothing but devastate his wife and 3 children.

I feel like taking out an ad in the local paper warning people about her since I'm sure my WH isn't her last conquest.

There should be a law forcing these kind of women to get counseling. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

(((((Saralynn)))))

Hugs of understanding, I share your distress.

I don't know if it will help you Saralynn, but I did and still do, in answer to your question.

From a human perspective, he's a worthless piece of trash, yet I also recognize that he is a lost child of God who has until his death to find forgiveness. After that, he will receive "justice" for what he did with his life and God's offer to escape the judgment that is waiting for him.

"Vengeance is mine" is what the Lord says. "I will repay."

It is a terrible thing to fall into the hands of the living God without the righteousness of Christ to shield us from God's wrath.

I have told my wife that I would not shed a tear if he got some deadly disease where the flesh rotted and dropped off of his body, piece by agonizing piece.

Is that "Christian?" Perhaps not. It's human. The spiritual "side" of me keeps me from exacting revenge myself, but it also keeps me from allowing that "Godless" influence from affecting my family. Evil is evil and it is to be opposed, peaceably, but opposed.

I don't personally look at it any differently than if someone came into my home and threatened my children. I would THEN blow him away to protect my children. I won't go looking for him to kill him, but if he comes to my home...a 12gauge leaves a rather impressive hole.

Should this guy ever come to know the Lord before he dies and comes to me seeking my forgiveness, I would forgive him because that is the command of God. But I do not have to live with him nor associate with him, because God is also a God of Peace. The consequence that would attend the forgiven sin would be No Contact beyond the repentance/forgiveness contact.

As you can tell from my sig line, it's not always easy to do what the Lord has commanded.

Do all you can to protect your children from exposure to that "den of inquity."

God bless.

Ditto, FH, on this.

I continue to despise the OW and know that she will face his VENGEANCE if she has not REPENTED of her SINS...

I will continue to pray for her as I do anyone who is LOST and under the influence of EVIL.. but I will not forgive her until she asks for my forgiveness...which of course is likely not to happen...

FH,

Thank you for your post. I do see what you are saying about standing before God and giving an account for your sins.

I have in the past and do still (on occasion) pray for the OW, but most of my prayers are directed toward my WH's salvation.

However, it would be nice for her to experience some consequences of her evil behavior NOW...

I realize that God is merciful and wants all to come to repentance and that He is the judge Who will repay.

I am just so sad that OW are allowed to cause this level of pain...it's a hard trial to endure.

I found comfort in EPHESIANS..sorry don't have the verses right now..

Putting on the ARMOR of GOD against the forces of evil...

EVIL FORCES are present in this world according to my BELIEF...

Yes, pray for your WH'S Salvation...

Within 100 years. But before you think that's not satisfying, ask yourself this: is it possible you could have acted just as badly, given different life circumstances?

There, but for the grace of God go we all...

Sorry you're in this awful sitch.

- WG

Yes, we can all SIN and FALL..but, IMO, that is not relevant to our coping with this.

The OP is OUR ENEMY..an EVIL FOE..out to DESTROY US..it is not helpful to think on how we could be the same...

We must PROTECT ourselves by all means possible...

What is relevant... to think on... is how do WE as GOD-ABIDING, GOD-FEARING HUMANS wage war against FORCES OF EVIL...

Saralynn - You are a young beautiful woman, his wife and mother of his kids. I'm sure the OW is very jealous of you. Make yourself a good life, and I'm sure hubby will be along to join you.

Wow..this is interesting.

In response to your question, I will ask you one.

Do you think murderers should be punished now for killing an innocent person or do you think "oh well, they will get judged in a 100 years by God"...

Do you look at someone who murdered and say "oh but for the Grace of God go I..."?

I doubt it.

Believe me, I understand the need to be merciful and gracious to those who sin, but God does not want us to overlook what they do nor does He require that we not wish for justice. He is a Just God and we were made in His image.

Not to be rude, but your post reminds me of something an OP would say...sorry if that offends you.

Mimi-

I totally agree with you about the OP being an enemy to our family, they certainly are.

But we are to war against them through prayer.

As Paul says in Ephesians though (and thanks for the reminder!) "For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. 4 For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, 5 casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, 6 and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled."

So thanks for the encouragement.

Believer,

I appreciate your compliments. I am feeling a little low today and thoughts of the OW are sometimes consuming.

I know that even if my WH never comes around, God will care for me.

It is just difficult to look at my children and realize that my WH is missing out on a wonderful life with them and a wife who loves him.

The problem is you can't teach an OP and WS anything of value but you can use their dysfunctions against them. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

One of those techniques is called reverse babble. This enables you to give them back their guilt and reducing your stress.

While the Bible does admonish us to pray for those persecuting you, that doesn't mean you pray for the A to continue...no way. Instead it applies to the fact that you can pray for them to turn around and repent. Until they do, you can be empowered to do what is within legal and moral bounds to remove the A from your life.

Please read my sig line about the stages of grieving. You may find it helpful.

take care,
L.

To me, we're talking about two different questions. One is what we can reasonably legislate and enforce in civil law; the other is the perspective we hold on those that wrong us.

An interesting question to me is what is a reasonable legal penalty for adultery. Is a 3-month jail term reasonable? If I could send my WW to jail for a few months I would. I'd gladly have her OM doing time as well. But my country's legal code doesn't seem to allow for it.

A lot that has happened to me "isn't fair". But I've been blessed in many ways. And my WW and her OM are really miserable people, heading for suffering in this life and the next.

Do I routinely take such a pitying stance on them? No, God forgive me, I don't. Often enough I'm full of anger, if not hatred. But every once in a while I dream of how her life could be redeemed, and she could enjoy a constructive life full of purpose. I still want that for her, even though our M is ending.

Sorry I rubbed you the wrong way. But still, many years from now your life will be so much better off then a chronic adulterer like your WH's OP.

- WG

Ahhh..you have found Ephesians..WONDERFUL!!

Yes prayer..that brought US to MBers.. which is part of our warfare...

Hello Saralynn,

I know how you feel about wishing bad things on the OW. It just seems so weird how BS and even WH lose sleep over the entire situation while the OW is probably having pleasant dreams. The OW that my WH is currently with has been with other married men as well. My WH is not the first married man she has a relationship with. It's so true how a lot of our time is consumed thinking about the OW, when we shouldn't. I used to call her and call her but never told her anything bad. That is until she disconnected her phone and placed a restraining order against me. Unfortunately for her, it didn't go through because I never threatened her nor have I had any face to face contact with her since I found out about the A. It's funny how these women love to break up marriages, it must be a fun game--more like a challenge. He chose to be with her instead of having a loving and caring wife along with an innocent 1 year old DS, then I wish him well. Maybe that is the kind of "trash" they want as a woman next to them, who knows.

I hear you, calibabeus.

Even though we know it is a WS mindset...it kinda makes you question your own judgement sometimes about even getting involved or married to that person in the first place.

I don't know...I feel that way sometimes. Mostly because I haven't seen the real Jonesy in such a long time. It's almost like he never existed.