What was the OW doing in your home?

I dunno for sure. I guess when I was gone with my son one day and evening he had the OW over. Did not ask details. Not sure if I need to know any more than that. I moved pretty much all of my nececities and our bed(it was my gift from my H when we got married). I worry that if I do things as you say, he will get enraged. Do I bring my son too or get a babysitter? I had left for a couple days about a week b-4 I moved out so we could all cool off. I came back home and made dinner and was super sweet about it when he got home. The first thing he said was "Don't you get it? It is F'n OVER!" I was pretty shocked! Not sure if I am strong enough for rejection again.

MelodyLane-
I am so sorry for your loss as well. I started to cry for you when I read that. I don't want ANYONE to ever have to feel the pain of loss. Do you mind me asking how old your son was? You do not need to tell anything if you don't want. I know what it is like. Sometimes it is just to hard or too uncomfortable. Take care!

miss, how long ago did your daughter die?

Never mind, I see she died in May.

Miss, I am concerned about your moving home if your H is still in an affair. I know what your mental health is probably like right now, and his affair is as traumatic as the death of a child. I don't know that it would be a good idea to go home and have to watch his affair up close.

Just an FYI, but my H left me for an OW in May of 99 and then my son was killed 2 days before his 19th b-day that October, so I can relate to the he11 of facing both traumas at the same time. I don't think I could have stayed out of the nut house, though, if my H lived at home and carried on his affair while I was in that state. It helped me tremendously that we were separated at that time. We are divorced, though, mainly because of my lovebusting.

Thank you for your sympathy, miss. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I am pretty sure the A is over with. However, my H still works with the OW. So it may start up again. I really do want to be back home. SOOOOO BAD!

Wondering if anyone out there is willing to give me a bit of advice. I have not lived at home for about 7 weeks and I want to move back. Not sure if my H will approve too much. I want to work on our marriage, he does not. His family seems to be supporting whatever decision he has come to instead of encouraging working on things. My H's parents and I still have a GREAT relationship. Should I sit down and talk to them and let them know I am going to fight for this marriage and that I would appreciate their support? Or is that overstepping the boundaries?

I would just move back in without telling him. Just be there when he returns from work. Tell him you are there to work on your marriage. Also, yes sit down with his parents and get their support. You are fighting for your marriage and their help is greatly appreciated.

Goodluck

Ask for their support. Don't be surprised if they side with your husband. Blood is thicker than water.

Then do as Melody said - just move back in.

And I am not gonna look like a total Nutcase? After all, I moved out. AAARRRGGHHH! I am such a chicken! I might need a bit of a confidence booster these next few days. Should I let other people(his cousins that I am close with also) know that my intentions are to work on my marriage? If so, should I do it the same way as with my H's parents?

I would just wait till he was not home, and go ahead and move in. That way, you can be all "settled" before he finds out.

I'm sure he will be angry because it will cause problems with his affair partner. But you just let folks know that you love your husband and intend to work on the marriage.

YOU are his wife, remember that.

I will give it a shot! Thanks for the encouragement. Should I move ALL my stuff back? clothes,bed,etc...? Should our son be home too? My H gets home from work at about 12:30 am. Do I wait up for him? Do I write him a letter? SO many q's! Sorry! just have alot running thru my mind. This is a big decision for me. I don't know how to add a quote but you said
"YOU are his wife"
Sometimes I forget that. So thank you for reminding me. Time for me to play the role again, right?

Yes, I would move right back in, with all my stuff, and my son too. You ARE his wife, and he is your son's father. I'm sure he won't be thrilled and will probably be very angry. But you have to realize that he is not thinking right.

I would not let him know ahead of time. Just do it.

Its your house too! Just do it. If he's so upset let him leave. You'll be surprised cause I doubt that he will

Hey miss, I'm here if you want to talk.

*hug*

The folks here are a lot more knowledgeable and experienced in dealing with affairs than I am, so ultimately I concede to their advice. I did want to suggest, if there's a chance of a scary scene, wouldn't it be better to not subject the little boy to it? Those things can be sooooo scary to little ones. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Even if the grown-ups think it is just a little bad.

I posted the above really fast to answer you in case you were still here, and I just went back and re-read your earlier posts. It sounds like you are moving back in, as in tonight! That's GREAT!!!!

It IS your house too, and you ARE his wife. You go, girl!

I'm saying a little prayer for you right now. If I understand correctly, you should be in your house right now and your H either comes home soon or is lready home.

Good luck!!!

Jayne241-
Thank you so much for all your support! I am going to talk to his parents and his other family members that he and I are both very close with before I make the move. I am thinking it will be next week sometime. I am not sure if an argument will come about or not. I worry that him coming home and seeing me there he may feel "cornered" and automatically be on the defensive. I will see if his parents will watch our son for the night. I would like to do it when my H is on his last shift of the week. Then, he can have time to process with out the inturuption of work.
Basically what I am going to tell all the family is:

I am going to be moving back home to work on our marriage. I am sure you know that his intentions for this marriage right now are different than mine. But I am not ready to give up. I am going to try my damndest to work things out. I would greatly appreciate all of your support in this decision. Not to be one sided but to be a positive influence for us at this point. Just to be a support to the both of us would be wonderful and very helpful. I feel like there is something to save here and I can not give up.

How does that sound? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

It sounds great. How are you feeling?

Okay, so I just got off the phone with my WH and asked if we could talk about our marriage and if he could give a listening ear about me taking responsibility for the things I ahd seen whent wrong on my part in the marriage. He agreed with pleasure. After I told him, he said there are some things he needed to tell me but was not sure if I was ready to handle it all. I told him I was(cuz I am) and he proceeded to tell me that the feelings have not been there for so long and that the hurt we have caused each other these past 2 months is absolutly unreparable! And that whatever I have to say is not going to change anything. It is what it is and that is a seperation leading to divorce, nothing more. He also said there is no way for him to get those feelings back. I then asked him if that was because he would not "let" them come back or what made him come to that conclusion? He said that it is just over! I told him I respect his decision but in return I would like for him to respect mine as well. And that my decision is to not give up. I told him that we all have paths in life we can choose. Right now we both have 2. I chose one and he chose the other and we need to respect eachothers choices. He said he did not want me to set myself up for failure and I expressed to him that I am not going to give up because that is who I am and that this is what I need to do for myself right now so I can grow. he then replied that he HAS given up.End of story!. He also said he is not doing this to hurt me and I told him he is not hurtimg me anymore cuz he os being honest with me and I respect that more than any "decision" he makes. He started to cry and said he needed the conversation to end. I thanked him for being honest and straightforward with me and wished him a good day.
Did I do all of this too soon? Are these "normal" responses for a WH? Need a bit of a boost right now. Honesty is appreciated tho. Please help. I feel like I am losing hope.