Not sure if OW is a Christian or not. I don't know how she TRULY could be if she goes after a married man with children who JUST lost his precious Angel.I just don't know anything about her other than her first name,job title, and age. I do know she does not have any children. My H said that he has been listening to it off and on since Nattie died. I wondered how he found the station. I later talked to a church member who had helped us out TREMENDOUSLY after our daughter's death. She said she gave him the radio station info in June.
But...do you think the other things are good things? Or even progress?

Yes, I think the other things are good things. Little by little you can win him back by being happy and warm to him. But don't expect anything in return right now.

Anyway, it may help him to listen to a Christian station. It will certainly support him staying married. Hopefully it has nothing to do with the OW.

I miss my WH soooo bad! I just don't know what to do? How can I go on acting like I am FINE when I am not! We went from talking on a very personal level to literally 2 days later not talking at all! And now I can't even talk to him about how I feel. Can I ask him how he feels? How far is too far in plan A? How do I know when he is ready for more? And how do I get him to that point if he is not already? I need advice from as many people possible right now!!!

I feel pretty lost. And confused. Am I doing something wrong to not get responses???Are my issues so different that they do not require help?

NEEDING TO BUMP MYSELF

Miss,

Have you moved home yet? I know that you have been hit with a double tragedy and can only imagine how terrible you must feel, but try hard to remain calm and above all patient.

The recovery of your marriage will not happen in the blink of an eye, or even over night. This is a marathon, not a sprint so keep in mind baby steps.

Some days your WH will seem more like himself, others he will be 100% alien. Once you are back home, you will be able to tell the days that he has had interaction with OW because he will be more alien.

For now, take care of you, be the best person that you can be no matter how he acts. These are things that you can control right now. You can't control him, but you can make progress just the same.

Recovery takes along time, just look how long I have been at it. I have only considered myself recovered this past summer and my FWH's affair was over with NC before my d-day.

Who

I just read this entire thread and it looks like you HAVE received advice...but you have ignored the advice you've been given.

Then you say "nobody will help me".

You have NINE PAGES of responses. Go back and reread them before you claim nobody will help you. People are trying to help you, but you won't listen.

YES I HAVE! I DO listen and take people's advice! I feel like you were just incredibly rude to me and I do not deserve that kind of reaction.
The advice I have taken:
Move back home which I am doing next week.
Start doing plan A-which I have also implemented!
I do read my 9 pages over and over again every day to make sure I am not missing anything. Sometimes people like me just need a little bit more guidance than others. SO WHAT!

As far as me not receiving responses: The las few days I have needed more help than ever! I have been responding to MYSELF!!

I just got off the phone with my WH and he totally FREAKED out on me about moving home! Said that I am a kniving B*&#@ and that this is absolutly ASCANINE!!!I do know that I was not supposed to tell him ahead of time but I do not like being dishonest with myself and I felt that I would have been had I just "moved back in"! Not so much thinking of him but how I would feel about myself as a person had I taken that route. I do not regret telling him ahead of time. I feel better about myself knowing that I did.

Hi Miss,

What are you going to do if he has the locks changed before you move back?

Please try to understand that there are lots of folks here who are also in pain and are also fighting for their marriages and that 9 pages of responses is pretty impressive. I don't think I ever had that many on any of my threads.

Many of the folks here have demanding full time jobs that make it hard to respond to threads while they are at work as well.

As I said before stay calm, be patient and try to hear the advice being given. Many of the people here have found recovered marriages by following the advice they are passing on to you.

Best,

Who

Miss...

You should not feel guilty or dishonest about moving back to YOUR home...It would not have been dishonest for you to do that without saying a word...

Giving up your battle plans is not noble and will not be rewarded by your WH...Don't shoot yourself in the foot...Gotta start practicing the art of war right now, no matter how much it sucks...I know the plans feel counterintuitive, but it's important that you don't forewarn an infidel...Forewarned is forearmed, k?

Mrs. W

Miss:

No responses?

You have had responses.

Caring responses.

Yet, you do nothing.

That's ok. That's your choice.

If I proposed that you call your husband up and tell him that he's a "dirty rotten, lying Son of a Gun!"

Would you do that?

Why not?

Because it will not advance you to your goal, which, I presume, is you and husband living AT HOME, in a situation that was better before the death of your child and his Affair.

Today is December 11. You registered Nov 30. What has changed in your sitch since that day?

Moving back home moves you closer to your goal.

Saying, "I'll do it next week" just makes you stay put.

Calling your WH up and telling him that you are moving home, and then he gets angry, makes you stay put.

So, stay put.

You must like where you are at.

You can ask us for sympathy, and you might get some, but after all, you have to do the actions that will restore your M.

If you will not follow this most BASIC form of advice, "moving back HOME" then do you think we will spend our time posting to you how to plan A your Husband, How to remove lovebusters in you M, how to learn to own your own "stuff", learn how to relate to your husband in an MB way, etc., IF you will not do this most basic step?

Hey, Jim Crow laws didn't change until Rosa Parks didn't feel like moving to the back of the bus.

Her little actions created great change.

What actions do you think you should be doing to get this marriage recovery going in the right direction?

Have you read His Needs, Her Needs yet? How about Surviving an Affair?

This is a time, and this is a place, where you can grow. But you have to take the water, and the soil, and blossom with it. Sometimes, even the dog will stop by and yellow the patch occassionally. But its up to you.

This 2x4 was brought to you for your own sake. Start Acting, and stop HOPING.

LG

OMG! I just got off the phone with WH again and he was sooooo mean! Says he will not bring our son to me tomorrow! I can't even believe that someone could be so inconsiderate of their own son's needs! I am so scared right now! I realize that most people have full time jobs and I have no problem with that! But right now I need help! I don't even want my son to see me like this. It would not be good for him at all! I just want to run away! I can't stop crying! He told me I was a HORRIBLE wife and that he deserves waaaay better than me and that is why he is doing this. Cuz it is what I deserve for being a SH*$$@ wife!

Sometimes we just need to vent amd I thought i could do that here.

I'm sorry you felt that way. It wasn't my intention. My intention was to wake you up and have you take a frank and honest look at things you have done (and haven't done) to help your situation so far.

I KNOW I HAVE HAD RESPONSES! I am in a state of fricken PANIC today! And I don't know how to calm down. I have read alot! And DONE alot. I realize I have not been on here long but how does that matter? Some people just require more guedance. That does not mean they are "CRYBABIES". It just means that they came to a "Christian" based website for guidance and support so they did not have to go about it in such a public manner! I still have questions and concerns that are legit! I appreciate honest and all the help, however, today I need support. Something I know I can get here. I try not to do any LB'ing but with my past conversation with WH it was very hard. He prettymuch beat me to a pulp emotionally!

Miss, think about this. Seriously. Your WH is saying, doing and acting EXACTLY like the vets who have been giving you advice said he would if you warned him that you were moving home. You CANNOT take ANYTHING that he says to heart. That is NOT your husband speaking, it's the WH. Of course he's mean. The things he is saying to you, we've heard 1000 times on this board. It's a standard script. It's called rewriting history.

Go home. It is YOUR home too. If he chooses to leave because you've come home, then that's his choice. It will just make it that much harder for him to carry on.

Or, you can stay where you are and let WH control the situation and call the shots.

He won't bring your child to you? I don't think so. Have you consulted an attorney about protecting your finances, your child, your home? You should. You can't trust the WH to do anything for your family right now. Your husband's not around. Only the WH. See an attorney yesterday AND STOP TELLING WH WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO DO.

(((Miss))) You'll be okay if you'll just listen and take our advice. No one wants to see you hurting.

Miss...

How about moving home this week? Unannounced...just do it...He's given you reason to go right now even-you move today for you and your son...You can't sit and wait for some magic feeling to overtake you...that will not happen...Courage is in the doing...So how about it?

Mrs. W

I know he is. But that does not make it any easier. Especially since I slapped my own face with it.I am going home. I DO NOT LIKE WHERE I AM which is why I am going home. He is moving out.
He says the D papers will be here soon. He was gonna wait till after the new year but now he won't.
My heart hurts soooo bad!
I have cunsulted an attorney. I even have one retained. he seems to think my WH does not stand a chane for custody. But MN is a no fault state! SOOO...the women get screwed when they have already been screwed by their WH!!!

Okay then...tomorrow. I will bring my essentials and slowly move the rest in. I do not have internet out there so I will try to check here on occasion after the move.

Miss, calm down hon. He says, he says... stop worrying about what he says. I know it hurts. I've been there.

Purpose it in your heart today... right this minute... and say to yourself, "I am going to fight for my marriage and my family." I don't care what WH says right now.

It doesn't matter if MN is a no-fault state. But don't even go there yet. Take one thing at a time. The first being getting you back in your home. Getting you settled down. Your son needs you right now.

Once you get back in the house and start calming down, you can start working on your plan.

If your WH actually does file, then cross that bridge when you get to it. That's not the end of the world. I was just days away from my divorce being final. We've been recovered for going on four years now and married for over 30 years.

All is not lost. There is hope.