I found out a month ago (Nov. 3, 2007) that my husband was having an affair. I was paying my cell phone bill and happened upon a phone number that he was calling repeatedly. Not knowing who it was, I called the number. My worst nightmare was confirmed when she called me back.

According to the OW, my husband told her that we were separated and that she had been seeing him since the middle of August. Their relationship was both physical and emotional. She said he told her that he loved her. I spoke to this woman for almost 4 hours on the phone. She is someone that he met while out with his friends. She knew EVERYTHING about me, including where I work, about my childhood, my friends and family etc. That same night, I called his parents and let them know what was going on. They were both shocked and seem to be supportive of me, especially my FIL.

As if finding this out wasn't bad enough, I am also pregnant. My husband and I had been trying to conceive for about 2 and a half years, going through multiple infertility treatments. We had a failed invitro cycle in March and decided to try again at the end of August. This time it worked and I am currently 16 weeks pregnant with twins.

When my husband found out that I knew about his affair, he didn't try to deny it. Both he and the OW said that they were going to break things off between them. Since I found out, my husband has been staying at a friend's house while I am at home. I haven't seen him since November 5th, but I've talked to him intermittenly on the phone.

He has told me that he needs space and time to think things through. I am scared to death that he is going to ask me for a divorce. Despite everything I love my husband and want to do anything that I can to save our marriage. I have been reading a lot on this site and have ordered the book SAA, but it hasn't arrived yet.

I am meeting him for lunch tomorrow and am unsure of the best way to act. I don't want to drive him away, but I want him to know that I would like to work on our marriage.

Read the first four threads here on the "just found out" forum, and learn all you can about Plan A.

Read all you can, as knowledge is power.

You may want to consider starting over in the "General Questions II" forum as it is much busier than this one.

The boards are typically slower on weekends than weekdays, so be patient and others will be along with more help.

These boards can be a lifeline to your sanity during these times, so stick around and learn you are not the only one fighting this battle.

Absolutely read the WATS postings. That stuff was a life saver when I was going through all of this just a month ago with my wife. Buy yourself time - WATS will help you do that. That is the big thing - buy time. Try as much as possible to keep angry outbursts to a minimum - I didn't and it delayed alot of the recovery process.

Stay calm - buy time to find a good counselor that believes in Harley's stuff. Staying calm really confuses them in a good way.

I also told my WS that we needed to do counseling - I STRESSED that even if we were going to divorce, counseling would help us both not make the same mistakes again. I mentioned that over and over - whether it was guilt or logic - it worked and it got us into counseling and the fantasy fog started to dissapate.

I am sorry this is happening, especially while your pregnant, I certainly know how that feels, since I was pregnant with my second child when my H was having one of his A's

call your OBGYN right now and tell him, sorry to say but he may want to check you for any STD's. and to make sure of you and the babies well being since its so stressful for you.

also if your H still needs "time and space" odds are they are not breaking off the A, just a thought.

Sorry to hijack, but I love this part of your signature line.... really makes a person think.