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I am doubtful the affair is over and even more doubtful she will get the truth from him tomorrow. We will see, though...
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Nov 2007
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in both of my last two jobs, I had moral clauses in that if i made bad choices it was a fireable offense
i bet that police officer has some of those
it's not illegal to committ adultry so she wouldn't get fired but she would probably get in trouble for intentionally wrecking a home
FBH, 39
Now a primary custody dad
New life began June 2008
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Joined: Apr 2001
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Believer, the OW has already made it clear she has no problem having an affair with him as long as she believes he is "separated": According to the OW, my husband told her that we were separated and that she had been seeing him since the middle of August. He is now truly separated so the OW would have no obstacles to her affair. The man moved out to have an affair and is most likely having that affair right now. I have no doubt the OW made that a condition of resuming the affair, which is why he moved out. There are no more obstacles anymore.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Dec 2007
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Either way, he will probably spew out all the usual rationalizations for his poor behavior - there were problems in the marriage, you liked Coke and he liked Pepsi, blah, blah, blah. This is just about exactly what he's been doing. Saying all of the things that he was unhappy about in our marriage. He doesn't blame me for him having the affair, he admits that what he's done is wrong. In terms of cutting off contact with all of his family, he hasn't. He still talks to his mom on a fairly regular basis. I am contemplating calling and asking his mom to put some pressure on him to come home. (It's difficult with his parents....we're in California and they're in Illinois).
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Well, he may have moved out THINKING the affair was going to continue. OW DID talk to HstTeach for several hours. So she now has the whole story. One would HOPE that she has enough morals to dump him. But I guess we will find out tomorrow. When I talked to her she was extremely upset that he lied to her about a lot of things. But again, who knows what she's actually doing, thinking now. I found it interesting that her first marriage ended because her ex-husband had an affair while she was married.
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Well, he may have moved out THINKING the affair was going to continue. OW DID talk to HstTeach for several hours. So she now has the whole story. One would HOPE that she has enough morals to dump him. But I guess we will find out tomorrow. This is where I'm confused.....for tomorrow, am I supposed to bring up the OW and whether he's seen her? Or do I just talk as if I'm assuming that he's told me the truth that he hasn't seen her.
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In terms of cutting off contact with all of his family, he hasn't. He still talks to his mom on a fairly regular basis. I am contemplating calling and asking his mom to put some pressure on him to come home. (It's difficult with his parents....we're in California and they're in Illinois). A common trait of an affairee is to cut off contact with relatives, friends who they know won't condone his leaving, adultery, as he has done with his dad. I would find out what he is really doing before you call his mother. Like I said earlier, he is likely still having an affair, and in taht case, his mother should be told that.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Apr 2001
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[
This is where I'm confused.....for tomorrow, am I supposed to bring up the OW and whether he's seen her? Or do I just talk as if I'm assuming that he's told me the truth that he hasn't seen her. Just tell him you KNOW he moved out to have his affair and that he is seeing her. If you ask him, he will just lie.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Thank you for your responses. I'm guessing that he will say that he hasn't made contact. If that happens, I will call his mom and talk to her.
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Thank you for your responses. I'm guessing that he will say that he hasn't made contact. If that happens, I will call his mom and talk to her. I would expect he will deny any contact, waywards are deceitful, after all. Even so, I think it will be a good idea to call her anyway and let her know what is going on.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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