I am posting here because I do not want to add gasoline to a brush fire, but I do want to say something.

In the 18th century, people paid a penny apiece to go to Bedlam Royal Hospital so they could gawk at the “lunatics,” poke sticks at them, enrage them, and watch what they would do. On Tuesdays, it was free.

Just because we’re online and it is 300 years later, doesn’t mean that the same process is right.

It is incomprehensible for me to think that there would ever be a subject on which I would ever, ever agree with either MEDC or MrsW. But I have to say they are right on target.

That individual should be left alone. She cannot get help here, because her difficulties are psychiatric/organic and not marital/ethical/social/moral.

S/he responds to any post whatsoever as positive reinforcement for avoiding appropriate action – and as a reason to engage in inappropriate ranting. None of it is on-target.

Any response to this individual is “poking sticks.” Can’t we just all agree to stop poking sticks at her?

Let me explain something to you, SS, so you understand this very clearly. If you think you will be allowed to come here and MISLEAD and HARM scared newcomers UNCHALLENGED by giving them BAD advice that is contradictory to DR. HARLEY'S, then you need to think again.

How dare you substitute your OWN warped counsel in the place of Dr. Harley's tried and true principles when these people clearly come here seeking MARRIAGE BUILDERS PRINCIPLES? [iamlost thread]

Be assured that others will step in when you attempt to mislead and confuse despairing newcomers on this board.

SSB, in this case I would agree that poster cannot find help or counsel here...although the POKING OF STICKS part I don't agree with. People are trying to figure her/him out...I for one think she/he is a fraud and not necessarily ill. Either way, this poster should not be encouraged to post here.

As for Mrw. W and myself...you could learn a lot if you started actaully reading what we write...

MEDC, my point is that from THAT person's point of view, any posting at all is like "poking a stick." I don't think that people (for the most part) intend to be unkind.

But that person is incapable of processing things normally, either. And the irregular processing is precisely what makes him/her so interesting. So, people post more. *sigh*

Hence the comparison to Bedlam.

I understood you. I just think there is a disagreement about her ability to process. As i stated, I am one that feels she is acting and playing a game with the board.

Yeah, I know... maybe s/he IS "acting and playing a game with the board." But there's a vastly inflated quality to it that I have trouble placing ... someone not entirely in control ...

In any event, my gut feeling has been that since it's not really marriage/ethics related, it would stop if we discontinued feeding it, either way.

Okay ... this is the manic person who s/he has been reminding me of. I don't know if Justuss will permit the YouTube link, but it's the "God Warrior" of Trading Spouses -- tell me if this person does not remind you of the individual in question:

*****Edited by Sweet to remove link ******

We keep feeding, and feeding, and feeding her with our posts. Bad idea!

Actually, BACKS plan is marriage and ethics related. It's just that she keeps getting tugged off course by many of the contributers to her threads. Her reactions to the judgements of her character or mindset are not out of the norm.

She did not start off on the right foot by attacking posters and then requesting help with her plan.

Back is not your typical MBer, I'll give you that. I am not convinced that she is a troll. I am not professed in psychiatry so I can not even begin to diagnose someone based on what they post on a board.

I don't think MB is the best resource for her but just because she is a little different (as is her 'plan') doesn't mean we should run her off. If you have nothing to contribute to her then don't read her threads and don't post to her.

Sorry, I did mention back's ID. If I am going to talk about someone I going to mention their name.

Is your link to Trading Spouses not just another "poking stick"? You say STOP and then you get a poke in yourself.

i stopped posting in her threads like a week ago simply because she doesn't want advice... she wants people to tell her she is right all the time

if you can't take advice or constructive criticism, what is the point of coming here?

I'm thinking hers is not a marriage/ethics issue because there is absolutely no evidence whatsoever that he XH has any interest in her whatsoever. If there is any truth to the situation, then the XH already knows that he has a seriously psychiatrically unstable former spouse, that the relationship is completely over, that he has moved on and remarried, and she is out of the picture.

However, I will agree with you ba109, that posting the link to Trading Spouses' "God Warrior" is now like "poking a stick" since the poster's name is on the thread, and I've removed it.

Sweet

Honestly SSB, was that sentence really necessary??? You could certainly have made your case without it, right? Further, you absolutely cannot control whether or not others continue to post to her...I have felt similar feelings about not poking her with a stick while at the same time battling myself in not wanting to...That is a very maddening and cunning illness, and I completely understand others posting to her as I have done so myself even though I do know better since I grew up with a father that had that disorder...Hers is a very triggering situation for me to be sure-it takes me right back to my father's manias and it has been very painful to me at times to read her stuff-my dad passed away in June during a manic episode...I completely understand others not seeing it though and I also understand their desire to post to her...If you'll notice, some of her posts seem lucid and even make sense...THAT is how people with Bipolar Disorder are able to fool even some of the best mental health professionals out there, so it is perfectly understandable that others don't see what I see...When you have lived with it, it is unmistakable, but even then it's hard to control your own urge to want to speak to the affected person about it-EVEN when you KNOW that it will do no good...You read some of the posts and you think, "Ah ha, there's my 'in'...I can show her based on _____...Surely she will be able to see it then!" I did that type thing for YEARS with my dad...I've been on more wild goose chases than I can count trying to help him, teach him, PROVE to him once and for all...UGH, it was so difficult...

In closing, I see what you are trying to do...I see the compassion behind it, EVEN though you hurled an insult at MEDC and I along side that compassion...All I'm saying is that while you can point out to others what you see and think, you have to respect that not everyone will see it your way and so waving a big stick at others and saying STOP won't help...Instead it's best to understand that we each have to choose what works best for us, as each individual poster matters too...Make sense?

Mrs. W

Dear MrsW --

I certainly was not trying to insult either you or MEDC. I was trying to point out that I very much agree with what you have said about the person in question ...

While at the same time pointing out what is also true, which is that previously, our posts have run (ahem) rather counter to one another, to say the least, and I wanted to subvert that conversation by bringing it out in the open. I absolutely intended no insult whatsoever. I think your observations in regard to the poster we are discussing are quite astute.

Also, it certainly is not my expectation that any one of us here can control what any other individual posts (Justuss notwithstanding). I wanted to bring up the issue of not fanning the flames of this person's problems, but the trick of it has been ... how to do that without fanning the flames (by adding additional posts to her threads).

My condolences, truly, on the recent loss of your father.

Sweet

I agree with you 100%, Sweet...

It's SOOO like trying to talk rationally too a wayward, though...

It's like beating your head up against the wall...

At times, the wayward seems like a normal functioning human being...but it's a guise...

I feel sorry and sad for her...

And it would be best if she would not be provided with an audience...

But it seems it is out of our control...

Another life lesson for those dealing with alien WSes...

SSB...

It sure seemed like an insult when you said, Maybe if you would have said something like, "Wow, I finally share some common ground with Mrs. W and MEDC! That's great! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> It's nice to agree for a change, huh guys?" It really doesn't matter though, and I can see why your guard would have been up...

I am actually glad to agree with you...I don't take pleasure in disagreeing with you...I do so only when I see something that you are saying that is contrary to the principles of this site, imo...Or when you are blatantly taking shots at those who are here helping others apply those principles...I find you to be a very intelligent person, but even when I read some of your posts that I agree with I am bothered because of the details that you shared about your own situation...I do have a tough time agreeing with you when based on your own account you are choosing to keep your husband in the dark regarding who OM was...I can't help it, that's just so very cruel and it bothers me...A LOT...And I would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to hear that you've learned from being here and that that situation has changed...Until I hear that though, my view of your views will continue to be colored by my opinion of how you continue to treat your husband-I can tell that you are a compassionate, well read and incredibly smart lady, I pray that you will have a change of heart towards your husband and marriage...So there, I've addressed the elephant in the room, fwiw...Btw, I would not have addressed this here had it not been for the remark regarding our past disagreements...I felt the need to explain...

I do sincerely appreciate your condolences regarding my dad...Thank you...

Mrs. W

Ditto this. Sums it up perfectly MrsW.

Aha!

I finally share some common ground with Mrs. W and MEDC (and possibly BK)! That's great! It's nice to agree for a change!

This is also a mini-bump for this teensy thread. Really, I want to motivate some folks to see the topic's first few postings, and leave the subject of this thread alone so she can go do ... I don't know what. Something helpful for herself, besides rev up?

As for me, MrsW, I had posted my own whole experience, way back when I first came here, but the response that I received was so violently and vehemently negative that I was horrified, and my husband encouraged me to erase it all, which I did. What remained from that posting was others' responses to it, and of course the "meat" of it missing -- and what was left has been used (really misused) against me, repeatedly. This provided a profound disincentive to repost anything personal again, which I have mostly maintained. I occasionally think about providing more information, and then rethink the wisdom of it based on past reaction, and the noise level even my innocuous postings have generated.

My father used to say, here's what happens when you wrestle with a pig: You both get dirty, and the pig LIKES it (EWwwwwwww).

(On this posting, two pig quotes for the price of one.)

G'night everyone!

That person is doing significantly better.

Maybe on medication now?

I think that this is the nature of this person's disorder:

episodes of agitation/exictement
some of depression
some episodes of mixed agitation and depression, and then ... periods of time where everything seems perfectly ordinary...
none of this in any particular, or predictable order, or of any predictable duration

This is part of the anguish of people in her situation, and for their loved ones.

So, maybe medication, or maybe just an organic "breather" ...

No Mimi, I doubt it...Meds would take a much longer time to stabilize someone in that state than the short time she has been here...Also meds are not likely to be accepted and taken by someone with such huge denial of the problem...

Remember that Bipolars are the highest functioning of the mentally ill...In mania, there are times when they seemingly are able to turn it off...That is why they are able to fool even the best of the mental health profession at times...Right now, she is speaking about a subject that she appears to be quite learned on...She isn't being aggitated and others are actually agreeing with her-it wouldn't take much for the other persona to appear-Heck, look no further than the now edited post that was directed at you...Mania, or more likely, hypomania, at times, can even be FUN for both the Bipolar and others around them-NOT EVER for family members though, because they are the ones that see the major departure from the normal personality and they know what is just around the next corner...She could be cycling down, however, I doubt that this forum would still hold the same interest for her then...

I understand what you are seeing, it is the same type behavior that used to make my mom, brother and I question our own sanity...We would look at each other and ask stuff like, "You saw that thing that he did earlier too, right?" You have to look at all of her behavior here combined...that is telling to me...

Mrs. W