I am wondering would people miss the things that I do or would they miss me?

Other people can do all the things that I do, my job, my bowling kids, my volunteer work, my bowling league. Would they miss that those things weren't done or would they miss me as the person doing those things?

I am struggling with have I been so busy doing things to fill the vacancy's in my life, that I haven't let many people really into my life, do I have a big sign around my neck saying stay away "I am to busy". Is there anyone that really cares when they ask me "how things are going or are you ok?"

Like I said I am struggling and I am not seeing any answers just more tears and I don't get why I am crying.

I hurt and I am tired, and know that it needs to be fixed but I am not sure what it is or how to fix it.

Maybe I really am feeling all of this, or maybe I shouldn't of sat and listened to bad, I mean really bad Karoake and drink Mike's Berry Lemonade for 3 hours tonight!!!

Good night!!!

Dawn

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Dawn, the drinking might not have helped! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Would you miss doing all those things? If not why do them?
Do you them because you want to, feel obligated, or if you don't no one will?

Why don't you stop being 'busy'? Be still, sit, relax.

Are you isolating yourself by being busy?

I have felt all you have listed above. I found that I have a problem with enabling/co-dependency. There is a thread on Enabling it's very helpful.

mvg,
Thanks for the response!!!

I'd been thinking about this for a while, so the Mike's really didn't have much to do with that part of it.

I was just taking time for me, and sat at the local bar on my own.

Alot of what I do because I truly enjoy doing it, and because I am capable of doing the things that I am, people assume that I will do more, so they don't offer to do anything.

I don't have time to go read right now as I am getting ready to leave for church, but will do so when I return this afternoon.

Thank you I am glad that I sat down while waiting for the iron to get hot!!!

Dawn

people assume that I will do more, so they don't offer to do anything.

We all know what 'assuming' means! Learn to say no, learn to ask for help,learn what is YOUR responsibilty and what isn't.

I have put my 'superwoman' outfit in the closet not to be used again except for extrodinary situations. I hope you will read the Enabling thread it has helped me recognize alot of why I did what I did. click here..Enabling

Take care of yourself first.
If helping people makes you feel good, then do it.
When it becomes a problem, step back.

I no longer feel guilty about taking time for myself. My home is not immaculate, and it's not decorated yet, but it will be (just not before the party on friday).

This is the time of year when people get depressed. IT's darker. Cheer yourself up, either with exercise or something else just for you.

Take Care.

I wonder of my stepson misses me, or if he believes the lies his mother has told him.

First, Pariah. Unless you have completely put one over on all of us, your step-son missed you. You were a big part of his life. Have confidence in that.

Now, Daybreak. You reminded me of the story of Mary and Martha. Until recently, I always thought Martha got a bad break. Now that I'm older, I think I understand Jesus's message better. You don't have to DO, it's enough to BE. Also, because Martha was so busy, she didn't have enough time for Jesus. Hmm.

I am a recovering Martha! Well, around this time, I usually fall off the wagon at least once or twice.

Maybe do less, especially when people are around. Even if there isn't anything to talk about, you can just be together.

I know we don't count for much here, but we're in your corner, and I for one would miss you.

No GG I haven't put one over on you.

When all is said and done, I will gladly PDF all of the proceedings and post them up. Even the recording of her wanting to have OM kill me.

I miss my SS terribly and have not been allowed ANY contact for 11 months.

It's one of the only ways she knows to punish me for exposing her adultery and "embarassing" her.


I know his father told him that I do miss him, but he has never called me, even though he has my number. I do know that if I try to call, she will immediately file a restraining order on me for "stalking". She had OMW arrested and filed a RO on her when she told her to leave her husband alone.

Thanks to all!!!

mvg I did get to read the thread, lot's of insight there.
I don't see myself as an enabler- I work very hard to let those around me to be responsible for their own situations and actions. I had been an enabler- specially with my son, I was the helicopter parent that wanted to dive in and help so nothing bad (consequences) would happen! I am not doing that.

Green--- we just did the Mary/Martha story not to long ago on a Sunday. So I believe that is what has made me think of this for awhile.

I am working on things and finding more time for me, now I just need to find some other things outside of the house that I enjoy doing.

I started this bowling season with a no kid/grandkid rule, Sunday night is all mine!!! When I am done bowling I either go and have a MIke's or I go home and crawl in the whirlpool with a good book and soak for an hour!!!

Part of my problem is I really don't have many close friends that I can take off and go do things with, so am looking for some new friendships!!

I know that it doesn't solve any of the problems that I have in life or all of the things that I deal with in my life, but I would love for someone to be strong enough for me and say enough! I need you, and your time. I know!!! It doesn't take any of the crap away,but it would be nice to have someone there for me. I sat in the bar and wondered how I could still feel so lonely with that many people around!

Oh well, I have a student at my desk, so must go!!!

Dawn

Pariah,

Know that your stepson misses you and is a smart enough young man to know that if he contacts you in any way, that his mother will have a fit, self preservation kicks in!!!

I m sorry that you aren't able to have a relationship at this time with your son, perhaps one day things will happen that will allow you to have a relationship. Continue to love him and to keep him your thoughts and prayers.

Dawn

That's when it's time to curl up on the couch with a box of klenix and watch "It's a Wonderful Life."

Dawn, I think I can relate. The kinds of questions you are asking are very much like the kinds of questions I find myself asking. Unfortunately, I don't know how to "fix it" either.

I am acutely aware that for the vast majority of my friends and acquaintances, my disappearance would occasion little more than an eventual "huh...haven't seen him around in a while" reaction. Even my family would be little affected, since none of them live in the same state. So even though I know that I am sometimes appreciated while I happen to be present in any given moment, I sometimes feel almost like I don't really exist when I am alone.

Sort of like quantum mechanics. The act of being observed is what collapses my potential into reality.

Is there anything I do that really matters? It doesn't seem so. Why do I choose one thing over another? I can't answer. Why am I spending tons of money furthering my education instead of just sitting at home and playing computer games? I don't know. I suppose there may still be some vestige of hope left in my life even though I can't feel it.

So I keep busy. I get out there and meet people and...well, it seems like just about all of them are already in relationships. It is very easy for me to be in the middle of a crowd and feel quite alone. I feel like the odd one out, even when I know that I am not the only odd one out.

However, I don't feel like I am sending out any signal that I am too busy for a relationship. I also know that I would readjust my schedule as needed in order to invest in a relationship if that opportunity did present itself. For now, though, I see value in using my plethora of activities to "fill the vacancies" in my life. And indeed, that applies to how I see others as well. As I read online profiles, I find myself classifying them as "active" or "passive." If all a woman can talk about are the ways in which she likes to be entertained, I find it very hard to get interested. If she talks about what she likes to go out there and do, then she might catch my attention.

I don't think I really care about feeling needed. Honestly, I think what hurts me the most is the accumulation of broken relationships in which I still love people who would really rather that I didn't. It makes me feel that it is destructive for me to love someone, even though my intentions are exactly the opposite.

I just want the opportunity to love someone who would appreciate being loved.

Dawn I too have a problem with having no friends. Why? I'm not a good friend. When I have problems I feel like I'm bothering them or laying my problems on them. THAT:S my perspective it may not be theirs. I also have a hard time trusting friends as I got burned pretty bad by one person. I don't like that feeling so I have a tendancy to withdraw, then complain I have no friends. UGH Terrible cycle. IF there is anyone who you talk to, work up to a friendship. Call them for no reason just to say hi, ask them to go somewhere with you, come over for coffee or whatever. Make the first effort. Maybe you and I will be both pleasantly surprised!

Gnome---I know how it is you are feeling and as this post has grown we see that we are not alone in our thoughts.

To me it is comforting to know that I am not the only one!!!

mvg--I am not always a good friend, I can be there for anyone and everyone but have a very hard time asking or allowing the same in return.

I don't always have the most time in the world, I love email I can do it when it fits in my schedule.

I am looking for others to go out and do things with. I had done the singles thing a few times, but may try that again with a different out look, looking for friends to hang out with to go play pool with or to go to a play or something.

Got to go the bell rand and I have students to pick up!!!

Dawn

mvg--I am not always a good friend, I can be there for anyone and everyone but have a very hard time asking or allowing the same in return.

Yeah me too Dawn, but ya know that's a 'hero' syndrome (I made that up <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> ) we have to learn to trust AND to make time. Friends are good - share in the joy and heartache. We (I) have to remember I'm deserving of and being friends.

You know what I think? I think we should invent speed dating for friends. Or an online matching service for friendship.

Think about it... It's really hard to make friends. Add to that being at an age where most people come in pairs, it is hard to make single friends to hang out with. Work friends are great, but we need more than that.

I personally only have a few friends, but they are friends I value a lot. Some of them I don't talk ot regularly, but if soemthing happened to me, I'm pretty sure they'd be sad. More because of our past than our present. I have a couple of best friends, plus my family. That's about all I can handle quite honestly.

Anyway....

while i too am a lonely person who could use more friends and i agree that it's hard to make friends... i can say with certainty that to make friends, you hafta get ure [censored] up off the computer chair and go outside lol

daybreak: having lots of activities is a great place to start making friends

have you ever seen the movie "Big Fish?" (maybe it's because i am a dad but i absolutely love that movie...) the last scene is the star's funeral where hundreds of people who met the star along life's journey come and celebrate his life... i can only hope that that many people would miss me

having a soul mate who can't live without ya would be nice too eh?