I've messed this up from the begining. Please see my other blogs. Now she is leaving and there is nothing I say that is getting through to her. She is convinced (and claims to have been for a couplr of years) Completly gone from the relationship. I implemented Plan B on the fly and did not give Plan A enough time.

This all just happened today and I'm a complete mess.

Please Help!!!

Breathe (deep cleansing breathes... 3x).

Let her leave, she was going to anyway..... no matter how good you were.

Go back and finish your plan A for you. Make sure you've got the right objective this time.

L.

Thanks Orchid,

I think that it's the fence sitting that got to me and where I made my mistake. I knew in my heart that she wasn't going to change her mind no matter how long I did Plan A.
Now that we've agreed that separating is the best right now, I've put a soft plan B on her, by telling her that our contact would be minimal, how do I go back to Plan A, (Or do I) with her living in the basement and looking for a new place?

Our discussions have been with a minimal of LBs, but her most important ENs is going to be tough to meet because they are affection and attention. The rest I can do, but these are the ones I have been providing for her for years, and they are not being considered right now.

I’m so sad, confused and depressed. I feel like nothing that anyone says or does will make a difference. She’s made up her mind that she doesn’t think she can regain what we once had, and that it wasn’t fair to me if she stayed knowing that she wasn’t in love with me. She stated to me that these feeling of disconnection started about a year before her EM, as well as feelings of having missed out on something because we started dating when we were teens (She suggested an open relationship or swigging). I love her more than anything in this world but I think the only way to know if there is a chance for us is to let her go and see what the reality of the world is. Hopefully she will then recognize that I was meeting many more ENs than she thought.

Any advice is appreciated.

TMTS,

Follow Orchid's advice and BREATHE.......

From the wisest of wise on here PLAN A is not about changing so that your spouse will NOTICE and change, it's about YOU becoming the BEST YOU CAN BE, because you want to be this person. I am SO STILL learning this.....

One thing that I continue to understand completely is from my AA, you have ABSOLUTELY NO CONTROL, over what others do, just what you do. So relax... BREATH... Read the posts on here, as many as you can. I cut and past them and then print them up and read them. Learn from those who have gone before YOU, and just know that this won't break or get fixed overnight.

I COMPLETELY understand the desire to FIX it right now, but that isn't going to happen.

TRUST those ON HERE, who tell you what to do. Open your heart to G-d and listen to him. HE WILL walk you through this.

You are in a very safe, helpful place and there are so many who offer the greatest of advice and help.

BREATHE.....

SG

I realize that if there is any chance to get her back I need to let her go. She is not sure herself what she is looking for but is convinced that it's out there and the fact that she has lost all “in love " feelings, or the "spark" for me leaves me with very little hope. It will probably take her a while to find a place to stay, so I will take this time to go back to Plan A and be as pleasant and kind as possible, and show as many ENs as I can. SG you are right, I've got to do this for me.

And check here first before you do anything.

I have been shown the LIGHT on that one.

Are you BREATHING?

Thanks SG, yes I'm breathing. I just had a long conversation with a co-worker buddy of mine and feel much better. From talking it out with him today, I realize that worse things can happen, my main focus now is on me and my kids, and my WW will need to live with the choices she makes. I will keep on track with Plan A and be as attentive to her ENs as possible and avail all LBs, and if her A does dissolve I'll make it clear that I will be open to discuss a possible reconciliation.
I just hope that she comes out of the fog before I have lost all love for her.

Yes, I have made enough mistakes, I will be making use of my MB support team before making any other moves.
(If you look at my other posts, you'll understand why...Mark is close to comming to find me to slap me out)

Thanks

I haven't slapped anyone in days, so I'm savin' it up for ya, too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I've just been playing around with my miter saw and have been making short pieces out of long 2X4s...Gotta use them for something.

Mark

Thanks Mark, I needed a good laugh.