MWH....I can hear what a hard day you are having, I am sorry. You must realize that your husband is in a "fog" and although he knows right from wrong..he is truly not thinking clearly. I believe you are right about the church thing...I am sure he does feel guilty. My WS did not talk to his parents for five monthes...I believe out of guilt. They are a very close family, and although they love me and the children they would never have not stood by their son..what ever his choice might have been. In fact if you read that letter I was telling you about WS tend to pull away from the people they are close to..family and friends. Dont be so down on yourself about smoking...this is a major life crisis and who wouldn't it get to? I remember feeling so bad it was a struggle to get through the day...the only relief I felt was going to bed each night, only to wonder how I would make it through another day. You will make it! Actually you sound stronger than I was at this point.

Again I really should not be giving any advice, who really knows if my marriage is going to work...I pray hard for it to everyday but only time will tell. It is alot of work, and yes I undersand about that drained, very tired out feeling....it's good that you took the day off. Why dont you do something nice for yourself like a pedicure or something. You have been through and are going through so much a little pampering cant hurt!

Mish