After several weeks of soul-searching, my wife has decided to give marriage counseling a shot.

My story is this. My wife feels that she has fallen out of love with me (in an "in love" sense). She still loves me very much. But she doesn't feel that spark for me any longer. She doesn't feel I'm a good-enough match for her anymore. She feels that she has grown as a person, and I haven't grown with her. And she would like to move on (divorce) and start over - begin the search for someone else.

She was extremely reluctant to try marriage counseling simply because she doesn't think it will work. And she's still not convinced by any means. However, there is a small part of her that thinks maybe, just maybe, it will. So she's agreed to try.

So I guess I'm asking for comments and suggestions from anyone who has been through it.

Can this work for us? Do we have a shot? Is it a longshot? What can I do to facilitate this?

MWH,

From the words of the wise who have been here for a while, sorry that you find yourself here.

I am WAY too new to offer the wisest of help, BUT, there are SO MANY people here who will be along and talk to you. Be patient and take care of yourself.

TRUST those who tell you what to do, they have WALKED before us and have successes that we aren't capable of understanding.

I'll keep looking in on you and pray for you and your wife. You have come to the RIGHT place.

SG

Thank you.

MWH,

The absolute best "Marriage Coaching" you could get would be from Steve or Jennifer through this site.

Second best would be to find a marriage counselor that follows Dr H's methods.

Third best would be someone who is familiar with Dr H's methods and willing to help you work through them.

The east effective would be someone who dwells on communications above all else and tries to spend all your money and time fixing the past while your love for each other dies a slow death.

Follow the Coaching Center link on the navigation bar at the top of the page.

Mark

I will try to find a therapist who supports Dr. Harley's ideas.

Is Dr. Harley as well-known in the industry as is indicated on this website? I mean, if I mention "Dr. Harley" to a potential therapist, will he/she know who I'm referring to?

If they do not recognize Dr. Harley by name, I would be surprised if they weren't familiar with his literary works.

I agree with Mark. If you can enlist the Harley's help for marriage coaching, it would be the best course of action.

I have counseled with Steve Harley and I really do recommend him for your situation.

Hey MWH,

Hang in there, but don't delay.
My wife and I are in the middle of counseling with Jennifer Harley and IT IS AMAZING.
We have been able to restore love to our marriage quickly and effectivly......
We had been to other counselers---nothing compares.

"how to do it" ---send an e-mail and sign up for Marriage Coaching and they will help you with the rest.

Also...I was willing to spend any amount of money necessary, including refinancing my home if needed, to come up with the money for these secessions. The alternative would be much more costly in terms of money, time & emotions...

Go for it...quickly

So how does one go about in enlisting his help as a coach?

Click on the "counseling center" link at the top of this page.

Call or write for an appointment.

My H and I have been in counseling with Steve Harley and I strongly agree the MB couseling is your best course of action.

Why do you think that your W has suddenly just had this revelation?

She actually has told you that she wants to "move on," meet someone else? What is really going on? do you know?

MC is a waste of time and money as long as your WW is still involved in some type of A.

Put me in with the rest that doesn't think we've gotten anywhere close to the WHOLE story on this one.

I'm sorry, but you appear to be one of those BH's who is too afraid of your WW to deal with the REALITY of the situation. Unless you are willing to accept the advice you seek, you need a good Lawyer more than you need any type of MC.

This hasn't been a sudden revelation, no. She has wrestled with this for at least a year. She didn't tell me until now though. I wish we could have had these conversations long ago. But that didn't happen.

She basically thought that she could keep her feelings from me, while she worked them out in her head by herself. But things just got worse and worse. And now, it may be too late.

There is no "someone else" in the picture. But yes, she would like to try and find her perfect match - because she feels we've grown apart. I accept responsibility for not growing with her, as I fell into a level of contentment, and didn't work at it. I simply assumed everything was great. And now I know, I was wrong. Things were only great with me.

There is absolutely 100% no affair going on. Is she susceptible to one right now though? Absolutely! And that's one of the reasons why my marriage needs major help.

Hi MWH,

You posted on my thread asking if you could e-mail me for info on how I managed to get my marriage on the recovery path. If you really want to e-mail me let me know but to be honest I got where I am today by posting on here and listening to the advice I was given.
There are people with far more experience on here than me.
If there really is no A then read some of the Harley books, such as Fall in Love Stay in Love and see if your wife will read them as well.
Just carry out a really good Plan A, don't expect to see results for quite a while and don't get disheartened when things don't seem to be moving forward.
Avoid all LB's, AO's, DJ's and lecturing to your wife.
In fact for now avoid all relationship and marriage talk and just try and spend as much time together as you can having fun.
DON'T!!!!! Be clingy or needy(my mistake for a while), be the man she fell in love with.

If you don't mind, yes, please E-mail. Your situation seems similar to mine on many levels.

I will continue to stay here, for sure. But any extra help would be greatly appreciated - if you're ok with that.

Thanks.

MidWH:

Hey! What's up?

Call the Harleys. You KNOW how to do it.

It would be GREAT if your WIFE did. But YOU get to do it.

She gave the BJ and NOW YOU get to fix it.

I know. Life ain't fair isn't it.

Your Marriage is broken. It time to get some better glue to fix it.

The Harleys offer the best glue that I have found.

I can also recommend the Marriage Builders Weekend. It made all the difference in the world to my marriage. And may just be enough that your W can see that your M can WORK.

I'm sorry, your NOT buying a big screen TV. There is NO WAY to compare counselors to find out the lowest cost/best performance using the internet and search engines.

It comes down to FAITH. I have FAITH in the MB principles. And the MB method of saving and recovering Marriages.

And that FAITH takes time. It ain't happening overnight.

Also, your W is embarrassed right now. Look what SHE'S DONE! It is easier to leave, and FIND herself, than it is to stay and work on it.

Remember that.

LG

PS: did you discontinue your blog?

WOW Brae is sounding like me and BobPure
LOL

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />BigK,
I had some good teachers, I know the theory it's just implementing it I sometimes have trouble with it LOL!!
If I can offer a quarter of the wisdom you and Bob offer I will be a happy man.

MWH. I have just sent you an e-mail as requested but I would really advise you to continue to post on here, there are many people on here with far more experience and knowledge than myself.
If BigKahuna is posting to you the you are in good hands

What is the marriage builders weekend? Where do I find that?

I wrote to the Harley's yesterday. I haven't heard back yet though. Does anyone know how long it takes before a response is given?

My blog is still there. However, I've chosen to remove the link from my posts. It really no longer applies. I've spent the past three months saying "Woah is me, poor, poor me." And in doing so, I failed to realize that all the feelings that lead my wife down that path were still there. And I ignored them while feeling sorry for myself.

MWH:

There are links on the website for the MB Weekend.

I went, about two months after dday.

By MY scheduling it, It proved to my BS that I was serious about fixing this M.

I had something, that I was in charge of, happening that same weekend. I had to find someone else to lead it.

And we learned some very important things. Flamingo and I were already on board with MB, we had spent time on the site, and I had ordered the books as well. We found a NEW way to relate to each other.

It didn't diminish who were ARE, it just changed the dynamics between us. Ending lovebusters, and disrespectful judgements. What are the ten emotional needs and what hers are, and what mine are. And how, if they are being missed, a couple drifts apart. All that was NEW to us. And the MB Weekend cemented it.

The Harleys will respond to your post, but it might take a few days. I have no personal experience with that.

They have responded, on a regular basis, to anything I have posted on the MB weekend forums, that you can't get to, (YET!) and to replies to them I have made through the ongoing email counselling that happens after the weekend.

Others have posted here, been advised to call and set up a counselling session with the Harleys and have usually made an appointment within a week.

It works. Believe me.

Your wife will recognize herself during the meetings. And realize that she isn't a pariah, UNLESS, she continues in wayward ways.

Have you stopped the lovebusting? Thought about her EN's? Tried to start meeting them?

About the blog? Yes, the "woe is me" stuff can get old. But, it IS a step in the process to recovery. Now you are realizing that there a problems in your marriage that you never KNEW existed. And you can learn around here methods to fix them. And that goes a long way to fixing the "woe is me" stuff.

Stay with it.

LG