Contrary to my previous post "Expert" advice, I sincerely apologize if I offended anyone.

I believe my son 100% and have always knew that you all were right, but I JUST DID NOT WANT ACCEPT IT!!

Well I really think that Plan A is having an effect. She still denies, but it is eating her alive.

Big changes in the last 24 hours.

Contrary to her attitude and conduct for the last 5 years, last night she finally started to accept some of the responsibility for our relationship problems.

She was NOT consistant in her story of her visit to OM house last Tuesday. She told OMW that she was not over there that long and in fact did not even remove her coat. Last night she told me different first that she did not remove her coat, but then she was in fact there for 1 1/2 hours. HELLO!! You are not going to be at someone house for that time period and keep your coat on!

I requested that NC be made between her OM/OMW, did not even fight or attempt to barter. IF in fact this was all innocent, she would have at least tried to barter for phone calls if they were in fact "just friends".

She agreed wholeheartidly not to answer the phone should they call, make a call or go over there.

So my friends, thanks for ALL of the support and GOOD advice. I think in the very near future she is going to have to come clean.

I also scheduled a MC session for her on Wednesday, which she is very hesitant to attend. I told her that she HAD to, cause our marriage is going to have difficulty surviving if she does not.

Well see. For those of you who really believe in me, I am in sincere appreciation and blessed thanks are given.

I am not going to answer or reply to any other negative postings.

Update later <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

If she actually *is* a WS, do not make the mistake of assuming what she's actually feeling (like you did above). Her pensiveness might not be over guilt. For example, she might be busy trying to work out a way that she could continue seeing the OM without yourself or the OMW knowing.



This might be a good sign, but I caution reading too much into it.



Yup - it's difficult to lie effectively when the pressure is on. What does the OMW have to say about the OM's version of events?



Again, I caution not to make assumptions like that. Active WSs are devious creatures. She could be agreeing to NC simply to give you a false sense of security, while actively trying to come up with a means of contacting the OM without your knowledge.



Did she say why she was hesitant?



You should be in Plan A at the moment, which involves avoiding as much as possible making any "demands" of your WW. If she feels forced by you to attend MC, that could manifest itself as more resentment towards you, and little might be gained from the counseling.

MIM,

Thanks for the reply, excellant points and fully understood.
I have had no additional contact with OMW. I feel that we are still early in the game and time will eventually prevail.


"If she actually *is* a WS, do not make the mistake of assuming what she's actually feeling (like you did above). Her pensiveness might not be over guilt. For example, she might be busy trying to work out a way that she could continue seeing the OM without yourself or the OMW knowing".

Yes, radar is up.

"Did she say why she was hesitant?"

Yes

"You should be in Plan A at the moment, which involves avoiding as much as possible making any "demands" of your WW. If she feels forced by you to attend MC, that could manifest itself as more resentment towards you, and little might be gained from the counseling."

Gotcha covered.

Really felt like I/We made some progress last pm. W is a TOUGH shell to crack. Like I said though Plan is, I feel is having an effect.

Thanks again for your reply MIM. I REALLY appreciate your support!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Returned home last pm and my W informed me as soon as I walked in the door that OMW has stopped by for a visit. I was really PO'ed especially considering that I had contacted OMW and requested NC.

W told me that OMW was concerned that I may have physically abused her after the confrontation on Sunday. W reply was "H is not an abusive person". Then proceeded to tell OMW how sorry she was and thankful that OMW trusted W and OM, that my H had been recording my phone calls for four months and that she had questioned DS about the "kissing incident" and his story was all over the board so she did not know where this came from.

W proceeded to tell me that she had questioned DS and asked if I had told him to say that and he replied "yes". So now she is accusing me of "planting the seed and/or coaching him".

When confrontation with the W on Sunday occurred, I was only able to get out the part of the "kiss" before all ****** broke loose and have not communicated any additional information that was gathered.

I really do NOT want to bring DS into this anymore.

In finishing her conversation with OMW, OMW stated to my W that she could still stop by in the am after dropping off DD. W reports to me that she stated "That will not be possible, I made a promise to H that I would NC.

Went to counseling on Monday, mostly vented, counselor did not have much to say about my situation or the validity of my DS story (kind of rode the line on that one).

W is going to counsleing today at 1330.

Plan A is in effect and I have printed EN questionair and Policy of Joint agreement.

SO to summarize:

Base on the information and recommendations given to me here on this board, my sons story, current status of my M, I contronted OM/OMW on Sunday. I had anticipated that someone in the mix would come clean and that did not happen.

NC has been agreed on, but not totally complied with.

Plan A is in effect, W does appear to be putting forth some effort in going to counseling and asking me to move back into bedroom.

EN and POJA will be instituted by the end of the week.

So my friends, whats next. Am I doing right?? I am trying my best to follow you alls recommendations to the letter, despite my making apology to OM/OMW after confrontation.

Thanks for your time and consideration and I look forward to your comments and recommendations.

Why do you ask???

You've not done anything that was recommended yet ... you seem to be working on your own plan, so you might as well keep it up.

Not to mention that you've jerked us around to no end with your "postings" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />.

You seem determined to stick your head in the sand and play ostrich ... enjoy the view. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

MR,

Base on the information and recommendations given to me here on this board, my sons story, current status of my M, I contronted OM/OMW on Sunday. I had anticipated that someone in the mix would come clean and that did not happen.

NC has been agreed on, but not totally complied with.

Plan A is in effect, W does appear to be putting forth some effort in going to counseling and asking me to move back into bedroom.

EN and POJA will be instituted by the end of the week.

What recommendations have I not followed? Where did I loose you? Why are you being so hateful, and why are you wasting your time posting on this thread?

Thanks for the reply

You "lost" me when you REFUSED to take your WW's offer to take a lie detector test and THEN "created" hugsandkisses, who just magically (in her very 1st post no less) relayed her experience of her H leaving her after she insisted that he take a lie detector test, which he passed, to support your own position.

You did the same thing when you left the board a month or so ago (under your previous username, that I can't recall now) and were caught creating fake usernames to support your positions when no one else would.

You have done NOTHING to help yourself, which is fine if that's what you want, but I get "hateful" when I'm volunteering my time to advise and even offered to meet you in person and you jerk me around with fake posts, phony support, etc.

The ONLY thing you have done is cause your W, who is still wayward, to take her A further underground, where you will NEVER be able to get the truth, but that appears to have been your "plan" all along, because you have consistently actively avoided the truth from the beginning.

Enjoy your state of denial, while your WW continues to play "BINGO" with the neighbor, while your son is in the other room.

Also, for those of you who don't know, Sympatico and I have posted to each other for over 4 months on this and another infidelity board. He has used at least 3 official usernames and numerous fake ones, and I have simply "lost" patience.

You are right about one thing ... I have wasted my time on you, but I will not make that mistake again.

If anything you've been telling us is true then I'd say contact OMW and tell her that you are both being snowed. That if she values her marriage at all she needs to agree to allow NO CONTACT between OM and your wife.

Something is really not right about OMW if she is more concerned about your wife possibly being abused than saving her own marriage. She is way too trusting and completely clueless if she thinks that there is nothing wrong with her husbands 'friendship' with your wife. Has she never had any suspicions...oh yeah...you wouldn't know that since you haven't had that discussion with OMW. Does OMW think that the kiss and the bingo game are a fabrication either from you or your 5 yr old?

Your counselor is useless. Contact the Harley's for phone counseling.

MR,

All the accusations of "fake names", Hugsandkisses are purely coincidental.

Obviousley you think that I take Joy in yanking someone chain, or get some kind of "sick pleasure" in misleading people.

As a "health Care" provider, I am aware that there are NEVER two of the same situations in anything in life and therefore that is what makes all others unique in the experiences and responses to their individual experiences.

I feel that some posters on this board understand that I am in sincere appreciation for their support, compassion and understanding.

I have been having alot of difficulty in accepting what others may know to be the truth. But being there and done that should put you in a position of understanding the frustration, despair and denial when confronted with some issues.

I have come to realize that their is ALWAYS more than one way to handle individual situations and hence the beauty of this message board.

There is alot of good and beneficial information available here to incorporate into individual circumstances that may benefit peoples troubled marriages.

Yes there has been one other board that I went to and changed my name because I feared that there were "Prying eyes". It was at that board that I was referred here and have learned quite a bit and taken "leaps of faith" into areas that I have never been. A you already know, it has scared the chit out of me and I have at times experienced difficulty in understanding.

I have not been fortunate enough, to have the truth (without a shadow of a doubt) given to me which in my opinion is much worse than knowing the truth.

Thanks you for taking time to reply. I think that my usefullness or welcome at this site has now reached its point.

I woudl only communicate one thing to you in all your future endevours and wish you luck.

"All in the world is NOT black and White"

Thanks you all. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks Trix,

You are right. I firmly believe that OMW is clueless or in denial.

As many posters have already said; according to OM/OMW and her friends I am the Psycho one, jealous and possessive.

Interesting conversation with my W today. She was scheduled for her MC session at 1330. I called her up and she was very tearful saying that she wishes that I would have scheduled it during a time when she didn't have to go and pick up DS/DD afterwards (emotions being uncontrolled etc).

I told her that it was totally up to her (with the understanding that without her participation, this relationship is destined for doom). Left the choice to her because it was advise that during Plan A not to pressure or make demands (unexplored territory for me here again..).

Well wouldn't you know it, she cancelled and rescheduled for 9 Jaunuary 2008 and communicated to the appointment secretary that if there were any cancellations to call her (W version of events).

I told her that she could have my appointment on the 7th of January and she replied "I dont know if I am physically capable of this. All I am going to do is cry during the whole session and state things that I have already stated numerous times before". (Then why go?)

Basically, the writting is on the wall for me now and I am going to suggest a lie detector test. We'll see if she follows through with that.

You all are a blessing. Please despite all the negative post, dont give up on me. I am not suggesting that I am any different than anyone else, but I am really struggling with this (sometimes better, sometimes worse).

Thanks for your post.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I think its pretty obvious that she does not want to accept any respoonsibility in this or put forth the effort.

I really feel like packing my bags. But based on the recommendations I have read here, I should NOT leave the house.

So another delema to struggle with!!

Trix,

In my communication (s) with OM/OMW on confrontation day, I expressed the incidents as ones that my DS observed and reported.

However, W has since (yesterday) informed OMW that she questioned DS and his story "was all over the map" and she did not know from where his observations originated.

In addition, my W has now accused me of "planting the seed", because she asked DS if "Daddy" had told him to say that and supposidly he said "Yes". Another attempt to absolve herself from the real story.

Since she now feels absolved and somewhat safe, she is opted to go back to her original demenor in acting as if nothing is wrong and I am the singular one with the problem.
That coupled with her anxiety to attend MC and resceduling has really got my last merve.

I have called and inquired about a polygraph and it will cost me 425.00. I am going to confront her tonight since she has volunteered on two seperate occasions to take one.

Should have done this earlier as posters have recommended. Feel REALLY stupid right now not listening and taking heed to the good advice that I have been given.

I am just thankful that the Mods have not blocked my attendance here, cause I am really in need of some emotional support.

Thanks again for your reply and suggestions.

It's possible that your WW is now trying to "gaslight" your poor DS, and trying to make him believe that he did not actually see what he thought he saw. That is SICKENING. I suggest requesting of your WW that there be no more talk about that day with the DS unless you are present.

And go through with the polygraph.

I wouldn't believe anything that comes out of your wife's mouth at this point. She initially agreed to NC then worked her magic with your son (re:MIM's suggestion = gaslighting)
and her explanation of OMW's visit...and you believe her....you can't believe an active WS period!

She continues to gaslight you and you continue to fall for it. It is crazy making.

Like I said...OM and OMW have both of you BS's snowed.
(unless OMW is a part of this A>>>ewww)

MIM/Trix,

Thanks for the replies. You both are correct MIM - I have told her no more cross examining DS and Yes I am going through with the polygraph.

Trix, I am reporting what had transpired not saying that I believe it or not. At this point her creditability is almost zero.

Last night after I got home, she immediately came to me and said "I know how your mind works and you are thinking that me cancelling the appointmen is a sign of guilt". Teary eyed - she state that she would take myu appointment scheduled for 1/09/07.

I was in the process of grabbing some coat hangers to do some ironing when her other GF called (she is watching her DD), she made the comment to me "I'll try not to get to close to her husband". Well the chit hit the fan and I am so sorry, but I LB all over the place!! I was packing to leave when she got in the vehicle to leave thereby preventing me from leaving.

She then returned and stated that she could not afford the house payments or sending the kids to parochial school so she would therefore move out, get a job and get her own apartment. I stated that that would be a good idea. She ask me if I wanted her to sleep downstairs and I told her yes.

About an hour later, I went downstairs and told her MB recommended that H/W not sleep apart even when arguing. She could return to the room but it was her decision.

She did come back up to the room.

So here is where I am....

Sympatico, you should tell her that not only was the affair hurtful, but her continue lying.

Have you consider talking to her as if both of you know the affair existed by asking "Did you use protection every time?" and "How often do you and him do it?" Ask calmly and she might respond with the truth or at least half truth. Either way, you might at least get an admission that there was an affair.

Advisor1...

You once offered to email SMB your story...I'm willing to listen...My email addy is in my signature below...

Mrs. W

Sympatico

Protect your son at all costs. I was a witness to my mother's infidelity at an unbelievably tender age. My mother thought that I would never remember any details or receive any harm. But she consistently and sometimes viciously worked to have me doubt my memories. It wasn't until I was over 25 yrs old that I confronted her and said a child does not have that kind of intimate knowledge at that young of an age. Turns out I was even younger than I remembered when it happened - imagine an 18 month old remembering even the color of the car they rode in... and all the other details - and WHO the man was... freaked my mother out completely.