Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum
This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at
mbrestored@gmail.com
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 27
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 27 |
I have been reading for a while all about Plan A and have come to the realization that I have been doing a half [email]a@@[/email] job of it. I see know what I need to do but need some advise on whether I should still have sexual relations with my WS during this time. She has not had a PA with OP since he is 600 miles away. We have had the talk on not contacting OP and she says she has not, but she still is unsure about us. What advise can you give on this subject? I know someone has probably asked this question before, but I did not want to go searching.
Married since 1995
Me - 40
WS - 36
Two Children (S-12 and S-15)
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 271
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 271 |
Let that realization about not being the spouse you should be sink in a bit. You may need to truly believe that and remember it later.
The standard advice around here would be to understand your WS's emotional needs (ENs) and focus your Plan-A efforts on meeting them, especially the top two. If SF is a top need of hers, its probably a good idea. If she's asking for this, that's one clue. However, WSs tend to hide things and sometimes the full truth takes a while to get at; if not a current practice, you might think about whether safe SF might be a good idea now.
SF with my WS had the advantage for me that it helped me keep a more positive attitude about the relationship despite being on the receiving end of a lot of bad treatment. But in my case, the affairs continued (over many months), and I eventually chose to stop.
- WG
BH 40, Married: 2002, Discovered affairs: Fall 2005, Divorced: Spring 2008
Advocate grace daily
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 27
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 27 |
Woundedgentleman,
Thanks for the response. I know I need to meet her EN, but we never really filled out the EN questionair. We talked about it, but never filled out completely. I know SF is one of her top needs as well as affection and conversation. We talked about these about a year ago when she picked up the book His Needs Her Needs. Should we fill this questionaire out or should I just rely on what we talked about a year ago? I am stil new at this and still trying to understand plan a When I think I understand plan a, I seem to be missing or not understaning other aspects of it. I want to make sure tht I am doing plan a correctly to make sure I get the right affect.
Married since 1995
Me - 40
WS - 36
Two Children (S-12 and S-15)
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 271
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 271 |
Well, if SF is one of her needs, IMHO you should try to fill it.
My personal opinion is that ENs reflect core-like parts of our personalities and that they (or their relative importance) change slowly. However, the degree of how well a spouse is meeting a given one can change quickly depending on circumstances(you have a big project at work, are tired and preoccupied, then don't give your spouse attention and conversation).
One year old data doesn't bother me a lot, as long as it was thought through well the first time. But I can't see a reason not to do a questionnaire if your spouse is willing.
BTW, there is nothing wrong with posting here (in the Plan-A/Plan-B forum). But. The incredibly high-volume forum is GQII. You are likely to get many more opinions and much higher turn around if you post there.
- WG
BH 40, Married: 2002, Discovered affairs: Fall 2005, Divorced: Spring 2008
Advocate grace daily
|
|
|
|
0 members (),
401
guests, and
36
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,625
Posts2,323,524
Members72,035
| |
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
|
|
|
|
|
|
