Yep, there is more to be delved into and if she isn't ran off, maybe she can have a more successful M this time around.

Like MEDC says, not all marriages are meant to be saved at any cost. She admits she was young and dumb in her first marriage and she'd rather not repeat her mistakes.

SD - I empathize with a lot of what you posted. I am a FWW and I made a lot of mistakes. I also agree with you saying you don't flirt anymore. I also read that thread and I agree with Mulan. It's not all innocent. I am very careful now not to flirt as I realize the danger in it.

People CAN learn from their past mistakes and they CAN change for the better.

Yes, it is the way of a wrong-doer to attempt to normalize wrongdoing. Doesn't mean the rest of the world is going to go along, THANK GOD. Nor should they.




The day that it "ends" is the day I have successfully killed my conscience. And I pray to God that never happens. Nor would I want to live in a society that is not morally outraged by cruelty to others. There is no virtue in moral neutrality, it is not a sign of "growth" but a sign of a supressed conscience. Not something any decent person would desire.

I agree 100%.. But now I'll ask who are you or I to judge Her? NO ONE here has that right. We are all equal, although reading many of these responses, I get the impression not all feel that way.

Instead of keying on the negative past aspects, why not encourage her attempt at a better future?

There is always a group of folks that buzz around these debate like threads willing to take on the role/responsibility of judge and jury.

People willing to look down their noses, pointing out the bad, keying on the negative, disgarding any of the positive, and often time "like this" spinning someones thread into something it was never intended to be.

She needs to be exposed to the reaction of normal folks to her serial cheating and dishonesty, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

OK...then what comes after the exposing?

what's the next step for the normal folks...

ARK

Okay, one more post.


Okay JKT, what is not "encouraging" about making a better future with her ex-husband by actually applying the very same MB principles that she wants to apply to her "new" marriage-to-be?

What is not encouraging about telling her that what she is doing is wrong?

And the "judge and jury" comment you made is an 'age old' comment. Sometimes, though, the very comment, as you made it, is also quite "judgy" of people who hold an opposing opinion to yours.

If you want to talk "biblically," believers should not "judge" unbelievers, that judgment is reserved for God. But that does NOT mean that you can't make it clear that you do NOT agree with what they are doing. You don't "endorse" the action to prove you "care."

It looks like some folks here may be willing to support SD in her pending "affairage".

Surprising and disappointing at the same time.

I would be willing to support her in her "individual" growth and healing by her "doing" the things necessary to get there. But not to continue her illicit relationship she started while married.

God Bless All,
Jo

Is this the guy she is currently with? The one she had the affair on her H with? If so....I agree that this is nothing more than an extended affair and that is open to judgment.

ForeverHers,

You seem to have taken my posts to be directed at you.

Where did I state "ForeverHers" as the target of my comments?

I will not get into any "Biblical" debate. To each their own. My believes are mine, not to be questioned. I give others the same respect. This is not a religion specific forum.

To get back on point...

My Judgement: Swingdance came here to share, potentially look for support..

Look at the result.

MEDC - Her "Fiance" was her OM.

JKT - I'm not judging HER but I sure can identify skanky behaviour when I see it.

OM because she was separated, not divorced. Or did you read this to believe Fiance was OM in the picture while she was living with BH?


Is this a gift your born with? Or did you have to "fine tune" your skills? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

I read this as a person (OM) she became involved with after she and her H separated, but before they were actually divorced.

He was not the original OM with whom she had a PA with and confessed to her BH.

Who

Heard the same story hundreds of times here.


Are you saying you can't tell the difference between right and wrong? Because if so you should be locked up.

IMHO, if she was a WS and as a result was separated, then this is just the continuation of a separate affair.
It's one thing for a BS that has all intentions of divorcing a WS to begin dating before the judge signs off on the paperwork...it is entirely a different thing IMO when a WS that caused the divorce proceedings due to her actions to start dating...and as she said, she was still married. She is just continuing her affairs in my mind.

Swingdancer:

I bet you had no idea what you were info when you first posted here!

I will agree with some of those posters who responded by saying yes, going through the process of being betrayed is a devastating experience. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

However, I will add that I believe that it is possible for people to grow and learn.

To that end, I would encourage you to continue to post here, realizing that some people here will find your current relationship flawed, no matter what you do.

But I think that you if do intend to learn how to become affair-proof, and take responsibility for all your actions, you have just as much right to post here as anyone else.

JKT - you are correct. You didn't direct your post(s) to me, you directed them to those posting in general.

What you said was:


I addressed your questions and comments AS one of those you who's opinion on this thread is not what you agree with.

IF you want to overlook what was done and somehow "forget" and "condone" that behavior because she wants her pending marriage to be "successful," however she will define that, then that IS your privelege.

But you were "overstepping" when you formed your judment of looking down noses, etc. and applied that to those who might be fundamental disagreement with supporting this pending adulterous marriage and dismissing the previous marriage as essentially "unimportant" just so long as SD "get what SD wants."

I'll encourage her to have a better future... She should return to her first husband and work on that marriage. That is my opinion.

And I'm not looking for any biblical debate. There isn't any reason to as the Bible is quite clear on what she is doing, but I don't get the feeling that the Bible means much to her anyway or she wouldn't be where she is. So what would be the "point" of Biblical "debate?"

I CAN hope that at some point she does come to know the Lord, but I don't get the feeling she is there right now. She may consider adultery to be "wrong," but it's unlikely she considers it a "sin," because that is a theological concept.

As I said previously, if you are inclined to help her, do so. That is your right to decide who you wish to help and who you don't wish to help.

FWIW, I agree with this interpretation of the chain of events, and I don't see it as nearly as egregious offense as the original A. TECHNICALLY, it may have been cheating to start dating while seperated but prior to the entry of the official divorce decree ... However, that is a distinction without much of a difference.

This is one of these "gray" areas that usually get me cross-ways of some of the more intolerant (black & white) board veterans, but I call'em like I see'em.

Help this woman learn from her mistakes or condemn her to ****** for her sins as you see fit, but realize that different intelligent moral people will view this set of facts differently.

What determines when a marriage is being saved at all costs?

SG

In my many years here, this is right out of an active WS's script.

You may have missed it, but there were SEVERAL affairs even before separation.

Exactly Jo.

Without really wanting to stir you up too much here FH, as you have in the past leant support to affair marriages like Justjilly, I'm curious about your approach to this one - or more specifically, if this poster repented and became a Christian, would your support for her affair marriage swing into gear? I'm just interested in where you draw your line here.