dis kinder troll, FH! troll <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Unfortunately, there is nothing safe about someone who is giving bad, uninformed, or deliberately harmful advice to a person who is fighting for their marriage.

IMHO, a person who is unwilling to at the very least provide the basic information regarding their own situation, as in are they a WS, BS or FWS, and have been on the forum a few hours and have obviously never read a word of MB principles, AND is giving really bad or really stupid advice needs to be called out.

They don't have to be a troll to do serious damage. New BS hardly need to get advice from an unrepentant wayward, or even someone who has never been the victim of infidelity. I know from personal experience that before I became a BW, I (in my own lack of experience) would have advised a BS to get out of the marriage as fast as they could.

Obviously, things looked a bit different to me when it actually happened to me.

Who

Good point, Who. I felt badly when I gave mis-perceived info from WAT and Bob P and Weaver (Josie?) to a newbie and then got thwacked so hard I accidentally TJ'd his thread, even before I knew what the initials meant. (I'd only been registered a week and was still a junior member.)

I left the boards to do more research on delayed exposure and missed the firestorm the entire 2 weeks I was off. (I had no idea it was a 'hot topic' on the boards.)

TRUE CONFESSION: After we exposed to OP 6 months after NC, when I started to post again and discovered that LG was getting crucified because he was defending my right to not expose, I perceived that I was ignored when trying to explain that Dr. Harley had said that in our case, delayed exposure was optional. For other reasons, I actually tried to sneak back in as a brand new poster and got busted by Justuss. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> Well that was only part of the story. Thanks, Justuss and other mods. I'm sure we have no idea of all the interceptions you do behind the scenes. We do appreciate you and all you do, even if we don't understand things sometimes.

Ace

to paraphrase, sorry my quote may be off:

In order for evil to triumph, good men must stand by and do nothing.

Or, Silence implies consent.

So it's better to call out a suspected troll.

Or some of us toy with them.

Ace, the reason LG was crucified was because he gave you BAD ADVICE that would have led to the demise of your marriage. He asked Dr Harley - on the private forum - about "delayed" exposure about HIS OWN CASE, not yours. In your case, your H had broke nc 4-5 times. In LG's question to Dr H, he stated nc had been stringently held for 18 months. Entirely different situation from yours.

In fact, when you called Dr Harley himself he told you to take steps to MAKE SURE the OWH was informed and told you how to do it. That is what WE told you to do, YET you thanked LG for advice that was contradictory to what Dr H told you and what Dr H told you.

I have always found that puzzling that you thank HIM when it was US who gave you the advice that, according to you, helped your marriage. That has always baffled me.

Each and EVERY MB principle is "optional." There is no MB police that holds a gun to anyones head here.

So glad you mention this, Mel. But since this thread is about recognizing trolls, I will reply to your post on my Smiles and Trials 2 thread in a little bit.

Thanks,
Ace

[color:"red"] EDITED to add link to my response. Sorry, Mel, didn't see your request but at least it's posted and linked.[/color]

Ace, since you brought it up here, would you mind posting the reponse here? thanks.

Trolls will eventually expose themselves. Is it worth driving off the BSs or the still-fogged WSs who have an out-of-the-norm story so that you (rhetorical you) can be the first on the block to yell troll?

If the suspect is giving poor advice, then the more experienced MB can respond with the better, more MBer advice. No need to light the torches.

To counteract the possible troll-info by posting better information is not the equivalent of doing nothing or implying consent. Jumping to the accusations of troll early on isn't the equivalent of triumphing over evil.

Burke also wrote "Religious persecution may shield itself under the guise of a mistaken and over-zealous piety."

Time is the revelator.

graplin, there is no reason to NOT call a troll a troll. This is not an Orwell novel where we bastardize the English language to avoid reality. Focusing on the word "troll" rather than the trolling behavior is backwards. One would think that it is bad to SAY someone is troll, rather than to BE a troll.

In truth, it is bad to TROLL, it is not bad to CALL a troll a troll.

This bizarre aversion about calling something what IT clearly is, is very dysfunctional and not healthy. There is absolutely no reason to NOT identify trolls.

ya know, the nice word****really make my***hurt. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

It is even worse to call someone who shows up here befuddled and screwed up, a troll when they are not.

Their bad input can be countered with more experienced postings. Patient questioning can help determine the veracity of their story.

How many real people will we be willing to run off to help insure that no troll will go unmasked for a few days? Do you think that the posters who stopped posting after being accused were all trolls?

Graplin

The primary difference between the innocent victim of aggressive troll i.d'ing and nailing a troll as a troll is the obviousness of it all.

1. Trolls don't read the basic principles of Marriage Building. They have never touched a Harley book - they ignore the terms of service requirement that they agree to study those basic principles before participating in the discussion board - reflecting the attitude toward such basic study requirements almost as if they were vampires in the presence of a cross.
2. They post subtle or obviously blatant ANTI Marriage Building advice.
3. They choose a name that denotes the sleaze of TOW persona
4. They choose a name of arrogance and superiority.
5. They post an advertisement to promote an alternative to Marriage Building.

Says who? You? What happens when they are allowed to run rampant and unchecked on this board is they are emboldened. Silence aides and abets trolls, so does this bizarre, dysfunctional obsession on the LABEL instead of the behavior.

I realize you are new here, but the damage done by trolling sharks has been great. After a few years they are pretty easy to identify. It is ludicrous to assert that calling someone a troll is damaging. What really is damaging is when they are allowed to go about their dirty work unidentified and target newbies. It helps no one to sit by silently and say nothing.

Sorry, graplin, but this is not and never will be a place where dysfunctional speech codes bully people into believing a WORD is somehow worse than the behavior. Political correctness disease has not infected this board for the most part. Instead of asking folks to change their SPEECH, it might make more sense to ask trollers to change their behavior. I think you might have more success in that regard, because I seriously doubt folks are inclined to alter their speech to accomodate your sensibilities, ya know?

You would be much more productive if you targeted your wrath towards the HARMFUL BEHAVIOR of trolls rather than the board members who accurately identify them as such. Your focus is quite warped, IMO, and reminds me of an Orwell novel.

Mel, I mentioned it here in reference to my first ever MB post drawing a response indicating that the poster was suspicious I might be a troll (as your previous post described).

When I got blasted (reason not relative), I contemplated leaving the boards...and I did for 2 weeks to do research. But I came back which is described on my linked post on my Smiles & Trials 2 thread . Who/why/how I thanked posters will be replied on that thread, too, when I can find that post. In my humble opinion, it fits better on that thread....and I'd rather TJ mine than Orchid's. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Thanks,
Ace

ML,

On MB, I believe our words ARE our behavior.

Not ludicrous. Cyber.

LA

Sometimes, not always. Not if it is describing offline behavior, such as adultery, etc. But it is ludicrous to assert it is bad to say something is bad and not bad to DO something bad.

So, who asserted it?

My story has been questioned several times as it is almost comically insane.

But alas I regret it's true and far from funny still.

But on the bright side, I apply the MB principals to my relationship with my GF and it works like a charm!