I've been wondering this.

Does anybody know?

Mimi, he has his hands full with his new son. He is still with his wife and is doing quite well! Hopefully, he can pop in and give an update. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'd been wondering that myself.

I'm glad to hear that he is doing well.

Thanks Mel!

He's probably a zombie combined with a blithering babbling idiot from lack of sleep with the new baby.

No time for these Boards! Which is excellent for them. Wrapped up in the cucoon of brand new baby. *sigh*

[quote]He's probably a zombie combined with a blithering babbling idiot from lack of sleep with the new baby.

I don't know when they were due, but that's the world I inhabit right now. Got a six week old at home. When I tell the missus I want to sleep with her, I mean it literally <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

ebbeh
ebbeh
ebbeh

Hey folks! Havent posted in awhile. And yes...it is almost entirely from being exhausted from taking care of a pregnant wife this summer...and then the birth of our son on September 17th!

A quick update on him...he is a big boy, about twelve weeks old now, and weighs in at 16lbs right now. He is finally sleeping most of the night (when I can get Mrs. Mortarman to put him back in his bed...he sleeps better there! But of course, she wants him next to her!). So, I am finally getting some sanity back

It has been tough financially, as Mrs. Mortarman basically had to take off work from July through this past November because of the high-risk pregnancy, and then of course, the bonding time with the new baby. So, between me working, keeping the finances afloat (and not having half the income coming in!), taking care of our older three (baseball, swimming, school, etc), taking care of momma and also spending time with the new guy...suffice it to say, there wasnt much room on my plate.

Where are Mrs. Mortarman and me at? Good question! We have talked over this year, since the "surprise" pregnancy right after we decided to reconcile...and we bemoaned at times that we wanted the time together to get things back together. To do it right. We had just come home at the end of January, from the MB Weekend. We had begun the at-home courses. And then two weeks later, we find out there are different plans.

So, we spend most of the year with my wife dealing with her back problems (accentuated by the pregnancy), and of course...the pregnancy itself. But ,we didnt get much else done!!

We are looking forward to completing the things we started (the MB Weekend program, as well as some other irons in the fire) as we regain our lives again. Mrs. Mortarman is back at work.

I wanted to hit on two quick things also, as I think they are relevent to anyone wondering what happened here. First, we are doing well. There is a HUGE change in her! Sometimes, a situation will come up that is similar to the junk that went on during the A...and it will trigger me. Of course, I dont let it turn into something negative. But I have learned now that if I dont react, and just watch the situation run its course...I see that whatever the trigger was, it was a false trigger.

She looks at me like she used to look at me. It has taken time, but a whole lot of trust has been rebuilt between us. Shoot...the woman wont stop calling me at work (she has called me 5 times this morning!!).

The second thing I wanted to hit on was her back problem. For those that have been through my threads, you know that my pastor (and others) believe that her back injury (car accident several years ago...in the middle of this mess) was caused by God not protecting her and letting the consequences fall on her. Letting her take on life without His quidance, protection or blessings. And that back got worse and worse.

In November 2006, she called me and asked to talk. We had been post-court for about 5 months at that point, and had very few interactions (a pretty darn good Plan B!!). Anyway, I met her and saw her for the first time in months. And she looked like ****** warmed over. I could tell she hadnt been sleeping. You could see the pain in her eyes, and the fact that she was highly drugged with pain medication. I could not believe my eyes.

Well, once we decided mid-December to get back together, I began staying over a few nights a week to ease things together. And what I witnessed at night was even worse. She was a mess! At this rate, I thought...she is goingto be bed ridden by the end of 2007!

Well, right before we went to the MB Weekend...things happened, if you know what I mean?!?! Which means while we were out there in San Francisco, the new little guy was already forming. As soon as we got back, we found out she was pregnant. Which meant, she would have to come off of all of the drugs! In February and March, it was a nightmare for her. Huge withdrawals, constant back pain...plus all the pregnancy stuff.

But an amazing thing began to happen starting in April. After all of the drugs wore off, she began feeling better. Not a lot at first. But it soon became noticable. As things went along, she was having more of the pregnancy related pains and less of the back issues. To the point that the back pains had subsided to almost nothing, in comparison where they were.

After the birth, we were afraid that maybe they would come back...since we thought maybe the pregnancy was masking the problem. But...thank the Lord...her back has held. Sure, there are still some issues there. But it is a night & day difference than what I witnessed a year ago!

So, the point of that is that I think I was right. I think her back was the consequences of her running from God. And that once she bent her knee again, the Lord came in and began healing her. Our new son, as we both have admitted to each other, was a part of that healing. Not only emotionally, but it appears the pregnancy actually physically helped her. So much so that she will return to the gym in January for the first time since the accident three years ago!

Anyway, I could go on and on. It really is a miracle. I am still in awe of what has happened and what has risen from those ashes just 18 months ago. As time goes on, and I see my wife again like she used to be...it is even becoming harder to remember her when she was "alien-possessed."

Dr. Harley has said that we shouldnt be looking for an apology, at least not at first. And it didnt come for a long time. But, back in October, she came to me crying. I asked her what the problem was. She told me that she wishes she could take it all back. She wishes she hadnt screwed up. She wishes she had seen me for who I was, and not what I was doing when all of this went south! She said she realized that if she had just seen what she had, then she would have seen that it would all be okay.

And then she said: "I realized that you are irreplacable. You are my family, my husband...and I realize now...my best friend. I realize now that you have always been my best friend, even during all of this. I am sorry I have hurt you."

Folks, you can imagine that we spent the next hour or so with a few tears.

Over the last year, we have talked at stages about things that happened during all of this. We do it in small doses, knowing that many of the things are triggers...and not wanting to screw things up now.

But, I have learned much that I didnt know about the OM...about how he really had no chance!! I have learned about the many things I did in Plan A (such as the time that I went to her apartment after she moved out...the apt she used to be with the OM...but I went there and stayed with her for three days when she was extremely ill. About how the OM refused to come over and take care of her. But there I was...even with all of the things she was doing to me.

And a lot more. Most of what I have heard just verifies what we have all learned here on MB...about the nature of affairs, about how to combat them, etc. We talk about a WS Script. Well, as we have talked...even Mrs. Mortarman has come to see that she had been following the script to a tee!!

Anyway, I am going long here! I am slowly getting back to all my endeavors, including here. I am beginning to check back in and see where some of the older folks have ended up...and to start looking at some of the newer cases.

I appreciate all of the prayers and help I received her. If it werent for this board and the people here, what I have now would NOT have been possible.

Anyway, if you have any questions, please ask!! But I just thank the Lord that He has redeemed us from this.

MM...to steal BP's words, all blessings to you and the Mrs. What a wonderful and uplifting update. Seems perhaps you are reaping some of the benefits of posting and helping others here, in addition to all you mentioned above.

Goes to show giving is better than receiving. You have been sorely missed, with your straight to the point, cut through to the quick posting style, and common sense advice to others.

Congrats on the new addition and the reforming of your existing family...and happy holidays.

Don't be a stranger!

Thanks SD!

One thing Steve Harley once told me was that recovery is a lot harder than Plan A/B. Well, I thought that meant harder, in the fact that we would be constantly dealing with "bad" stuff. What I found was that it is harder, because you really have to immerse yourself into recovery. It takes a lot of time and effort to begin again.

Of course, for the most part, those times and efforts are good times! But the good times required hard work and commitment.

We are beginning to come out of that some. I can now understand why it is said that a minimum of 2 years is needed to get through this process. It takes a lot of time and a lot of energy.

But it has been worth it. I just thank God He didnt quit on her or me....even when I reached the point where I was throwing in the towel. I'd like to take credit for this, but I cant. Sure, I did some of the things needed to make this happen. But, i nthe end, it was her and God. Face to face.

I wasnt even around when that happened!

Mortarman!!!

It is so good 2 hear your update! Very uplifting for all the newbies here!

I've been wanting 2 suggest 2 Jamesus that he look you up. If you ever do get the time <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />, could you check out his thread here on GQ II?

His si2ation sounds so similar 2 what you went through, though the details are obviously not the same. His si2ation also sounds hopeless, as yours did 2 me many times. But he's also a man of God, and very determined 2 do all he can. So, when/if you can find the time, I'm sure he'll appreciate your perspective.

Congra2lations! (on the new family member, not the lack of sleep! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />)

-ol' 2long

Thanks 2Long!

I will look in on him.

Couldn't be happier for y'all MM!!! Merry Christmas friend! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

Same to you Mrs. W!!! We'll be in touch shortly. Hope the three of you have a great Christmas.

Mortarman:

It's so GREAT to hear from you.

You were such a BLESSING to me during PLAN B...so I wanted to share how I had to SMILE AND CHUCKLE when I read this..



This sounds JUST LIKE MY HUSBAND..and I always think about how you said to me, something to effect: "Enjoy your ALONE time now because you won't be ALONE again in your life...." So I TRY to always APPRECIATE the repeated phone calls.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />



WOW, MORTARMAN..A MIRACLE..this is how I feel about OUR RECOVERY, too...I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes because GOD IS SO GREAT and SO GOOD...I think HE brought MBers into my life, HE brought YOU into MY LIFE..and we all had FAITH in HIM and HE restored our lives and our marriages...THANK YOU, LORD!!..I remember you right there with me..encouraging me to HAVE FAITH in HIM...

Thank you again, Mortarman!! Thank you!! Thank you!!

I don't know if you know how much I hung onto your words. HE was speaking through you...gives me the shivers...



YES..as you say, MM...

Mimi...thank you!

I am glad that you have come full circle. I do remember when you were in the middle of your sitch.

It is amzing how similar all of these things are, isnt it? Satan doesnt have to invent anything new...he uses the same tired ways he always has.

I am also glad for the Lord's intervention. As the old saying goes "Jesus plus me is a majority!"

Yes, Mortarman, you were!

Wow.. thanks for posting this MM. I can only hope and pray that one day I'm where you are.

Thanks to 2long for directing you to me.. Some days I feel strong, others just like I'm trying to hold on.. pretty much running on faith alone.

Things seem to be 'happening' which makes it difficult to remain 'still' and WAIT for the Lord as He commands.. but I am simply trying to focus on becoming the man I was designed to be by the Lord.. and praying for His perfect timing to come soon with my wife.

Otherwise I'm just trying to be there and protect my family as much as I can.. including my IL's and DSD's grandparents.. sometimes I feel like the common denominator.. the one person everyone is talking to.. including WW... which is, now that I think about it.. -really- weird.

Mortarman...u have email.

Mr. Wondering

MM,

So great to see you again, hear your update and receive through you more blessings because you shared.

You have been missed here on MB...and your threads, like footprints, have been pointed to, used and helpful, even in your absence. Good to know about your abundance. Give MrsM a big hug from us here on MB and thank her, as well, for us.

LA

Welcome back, MM. It certainly is nice to here about the miracles when they happen. Sometimes there is just so much bad stuff to deal with here.

Mark

LA...I will give her a hug!! Thanks! And it is always great to be here. Most folks dont see that when they are in the middle of their messes. I didnt at the time.

But, where would you rather be in the middle of the war...scared and alone as bombs rain down? Or sitting in the command bunker (MB) getting intel and fighting the good fight alongside others who are or have been in your situation?

I agree Mark...it is always nice to hear of those that have made it out the otherside. Sometimes when yo uare in the smoke-filled valley, it is nice to know about the ones that went thru that valley before and made it thru. It helps you keep hope that the valley does end.

One note on the valley...we all know the prayer "Lord...lead me throug the valley of Death for I will fear no evil..." But, in the Army, we kind of modified it: "Lord, lead me through the Valley of Death, even though I am the baddest dude in the Valley!"

Sometimes, you gotta take on the personality in all of this. Invincibility. If yo uare a Christian, then you are invincible. No one can even kill you, without God allowing it!

Anyway, thanks guys!