My H cheated on me several times in our short marriage (2 yrs) with his ex. He was disrespecting me, being verbally abusive, not communicating, so after thinking of our 1 yr old and my 16 yr old witnessing all this, I filed an injunction on him to force him out. When he left, he moved back in with the OW that same night.

He hasn't called to see his son in 2 weeks, doesn't have a cell phone, so I had to call his ex, humiliating, to get in touch with him. She changed her cell and he told me to call his Mom in Puerto Rico if I needed to leave a message. Totally immature and what an inconvenience to me.
I just don't know if giving him his EN's is going to have the correct effect. He already has disrespected me so much - sleeping with her when I was pregnant, leaving me when I didn't have a job, cussing and calling me names. Won't it be like I'm a doormat?

And how do I convey anything to him if I have to sit and wait for him to contact me?

He supposedly did move out, according to our mailman there is a change of address input by him. But he is SO furious with me for getting that injunction...he has to go to a Batterer's Intervention program and pay for it...and he recently got a DUI, so although he did that to himself, he is taking it out on me.

At least I am not crying every night picturing them together anymore. I just want my family back and my husband to be nice and have some open communication. Should I go right to plan B?

BS(me) 37
WS 36
OW 34
Found out 7/06, 11/06, 5/07

get legal counsel....
ASAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

children first

is he contributing financially...

ark

FTBW70:

About this:

"I just want my family back and my husband to be nice and have some open communication. Should I go right to plan B?"

I believe you NEED to go to Plan B.

It's not your fault your H had a DUI.

It's not your fault that he calls you names.

It's not your fault that he is disrespecting you.

It's not your fault that he assaults you.

It's HIS fault.

You need to stay away from this man.

You cannot change HIM. You CAN protect yourself, and your children. That is what is important.

This is MarriageBUILDERr, but it isn't designed to support a marriage where someone is in DANGER.

LG

I did meet with an attorney last week, b/c I do want to protect myself and my children. Child support was ordered with the restraining order, but he has only paid once and is behind 2 payments.
He finally returned my call today and agreed to put our son on his insurance, thankfully! I just got a new job and my benefits don't start for 3 months. I have been trying to get ahold of him about this insurance business b/c our son is without, and he is just a baby.
Thanks for the email.

go back to court ...can they garnish wages...

I missed something; where did she say WH assaults her? I read her other posts and didn't see physical abuse - verbal, yes, disrepecting, yes, cheating, yes, abandonment, yes - but I missed any reference to physical abuse. Having to go to batterer's intervention because of the injunction does not necessarily mean he ever hit her. Similar to TOMK's situation where the W filed a false police report and he had to go to anger management.

Not to defend the guy but I want to make sure I have the facts straight.

FTBM1970 - just so we're all clear (and I apologize if I missed something) - does/did he hit you?

LG,
Thanks for the reply.
I know, it was horribly wrong, and I feel so remorseful for it, but I slapped him when I found out he cheated on me. So I was the first to lay my hand on him. He said go ahead slap me, I know I deserve it, and I did. I have asked God's forgiveness but not from my WS yet. It wasn't like a free for all asaulting relationship. He grabbed me a few times and pushed me a few times, but the verbal was wayyyy worse.

He apologized each time I found out about the A - the OW was the one that called and told me, giving me horrible details I didn't ask for - but he kept doing it, so obviously it wasn't heartfelt.

After the 2nd A time, we went to counseling, he twice, me twice and us together once. He didn't believe in it though and it wasn't enough to really have a lasting effect. He started going to church with me, but I was so paranoid I would look for him to be looking at other women and then we'd argue.

What makes it even more difficult is that he was with his ex for 7 years and they have a 5 yr old son together. So, he has to have contact with her. They never married and when he and I met, he had already moved out. She blamed me and called my house, my cell, came to my work and just was relentless.

I have read CoDependent No more which was really helpful and Power of a Praying Wife. I have tried to see if and when I contributed to our downfall and have been changing MYSELF and trying not to worry, think, cry about him and focus on me and my kids. He is just so mad and blames me for everything. He has AO's and has had a run of bad luck lately. I know hurting people hurt others, but I had to do something to get out of this mess we were in. It was the safest and smartest thing. But now I am having second thoughts as to if I should have encouraged him to go to counseling some more or tried another way to get through to him.

Now all seems lost. I had told him once I thought he was bipolar and I would stay with him if he got meds, but he seems so narcisistic I don't think he would consider himself having any "real" issues like that.

I have nightmares of them together almost every night. I even dreamt once that they stayed at my parent's house together. I know I don't know what is really going on, but my imagination is at an all time high and I feel I pushed him closer to the OW.

Any suggestions are appreciated. We had such happy times at once and I know he loved me. It was 10 yrs since my first divorce and I was so in love and really thought this was IT.

FTBM

It has escalated in the past, from yelling arguments to him not letting me walk out the bedroom door - he would block me and then follow me all around the house, just going on and on. It was hard to give him the respect he needed and listen to him when the message was being yelled at me. He is very argumentative. When I'd walk by, he'd grab me, then I'd push him away. Stuff like that. Sometimes he'd grab me hard enough to bruise, but then I'm sensitive like a tomato. So I want to clear it up, there was no beating, but it did get physical on a few occasions unfortunately.

Free - was your husband still married when you and he started dating?
Mulan

Hi Mulan,
NO, he wasn't married. They were together for 7 years and have one child 6 yrs old. He told me he wanted to marry her early on, and proposed once, but she put the ring down the disposal in a heated argument! He changed his mind once he got to know her better, and they never were married.
I remember my brother asking him if he was really serious and really ready to get married and he said yes. I come from a large family of 10 kids. My H set up a wonderful engagement party for all my family and close friends at a nice steak restaurant and paid for everything. Things used to be so special between us. It's as if he forgot everything, and so quickly.
I know she pursued him, too and used seeing their son as a way to get him to come over. The jezabel. But HE is the one married to me, so my anger at her, while there, isn't as much as it is towards him. She even claims to be a Christian. I scoff at that.