Haven't written for awhile. There are several reasons. First of all, it's embarrassing to write "everything's great and we're so very happy" one day, and the next day want to write "if I fell off the edge of the earth it would be okay". I hate that! <P>I guess I'm somewhere in the middle of that right now. My H and I had a great week and a half. Then something happened. My H admitted that he did "it" (the thing that caused this fall downward) this time, and that it put us 10 steps back. I was in the middle of my, uh, 'emotional' time, and took things probably much harder than necessary. Thing is, that's over, and instead of bouncing back like I used to do, I'm worse off. I've honestly bitten my fingernails to the bloody quick and gained 6 pounds in the last week. Part of that is stress, and part of it, I know from my YEARS of therapy, is my attempt at making myself so unattractive that nobody will look at me. Obviously, and most especially, the OM. I hate myself right now.<P>I have been reading the posts, and replying sometimes. One several occasions I wrote what my heart told me to write, and the person virtually ignored me. I KNOW this happens sometimes, and I KNOW that I should stay away from many of the betrayed posts, simply because they aren't in a place to accept anything that I, as a betrayer, have to say. It stings, but it isn't the end of the world. Still, it adds to my already fragile psyche.<P>As the days go by, I find myself less and less addicted to this site. It scares me. It used to be that I nearly got myself fired from my job for hanging out here so much, and my family was SICK TO DEATH of MB. But it was my sanity, it kept me close to what I believed in: working out my marriage. BUILDING my marriage.<P>Don't get me wrong. I love my H. But it's getting harder and harder to hang on. My H will tell you the same. We are, once again, hanging on by a thread... a very fragile thread.<P>The saddest thing of all is that I'm beginning not to care. When I read about Plan A, and the betrayed spouse "wooing" back the betrayer, and I think of how my H did the exact opposite, it irks me. When he cheated, I had to pull him back, when I cheated, I had to pull him back. I've done what I'm suppose to do: the honesty, the emotional needs... and I'm very, very tired. I haven't actually slept well for nearly a year. I'm just so tired.<P>Thanks for listening... <BR><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Sheryl<BR>Hang in there okay? For you!<BR>The ups and downs SUCK!!!! Bigtime.<BR>I'm having that emotional time too. Haven't been able to post here at all. Spent the day in tears and I'm not sure why. The one year thing, hunting season .... who knows.<BR>The thing you need to try and think of is - Would you have less stress separating, turning your life upside down...<BR>Probably not less stress, just a different kind.<BR>You need to take care of yourself too. Take some time for you. Not with H - not with OM.<BR>Go to a movie or just treat yourself to some quiet time. If I was closer I'd go with you.<BR>Hang in there and don't expect too much from yourself!

NB,<P>I have never posted to you before but it seems to me you have diagnosed your problem in your post. Get some sleep. Take some vacation get meds if necessary and get some sleep. If you are tired and sleepy, the world always looks bad. This is something you can fix.<P>Your problems will not go away but you will have the strength and patience to deal with them.<P>Good Luck and God Bless You

Thank you wasstubborn, and yes, I would go with you too. I have friends, but I am beginning to realize they aren't good friends for me. One in particular, I think, actually enjoys my problems. She lives vicariously through me, is unhappy in her life, and thinks it would be "neat" to have some romance with someone besides her H. I could slap her in the face, half the time. <P>Yes, I need people who truly understand me and my situation. <P>I'm losing it, haven't paid the bills, haven't been taking care. I have a big thing for my disabled son tomorrow, and don't feel prepared. I feel SO out of control. Very unlike me and very scary.<P>So, what's really going on with you??<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Just Learning,<P>I agree about the sleep, but I think you understand that it is so much more than that. <P>I'm working on taking better care... and thank you for your response!<BR><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Sheryl<BR>Have you seen a doctor?<BR>Sometimes (like now) I have to get a week's prescription of a mild sleeping pill to get me back on track. You really DO need to get sleep patterns straight or you won't be able to function.<BR>You know it's okay to get control back in little bits. Didn't I tell you once about my counsellor's suggestion? Just pick one little thing you PROMISE to do for yourself the next day and make sure you follow through with it. It gets you back in the control mode <BR>I'm okay. It's just that this time last year was when things really got started with H. I have many months of "a year ago" bad memories coming up and I'm a little scared.<BR>Hunting season too. Now H tells me he's working nights as of tomorrow.<BR>I'll survive and so will you.<BR>I Promise

okay wasstubborn, you're right. I guess that maybe tomorrow I'll call the doc. I hate to admit that I'm losing it again. I've spent more winters than I care to admit on Prozac, you know??<P>I know we'll both be okay <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Atta girl!!!<BR>Go to the doc. Take care of yourself. It is okay to do that you know!!!<BR>Prozac works for you? Didn't do a darn thing for me. And these other ones make me fat!<BR>kid is kicking me off the computer. I'll check in on you later.<BR>Read a good book, or even a magazine. Get your mind on something else. Have a bath with candles. Or just gaze at your son and remember all the things you Do have.<BR>You know the old saying "Is the glass half full or half empty". It really makes a difference some days how you see it.

Hi new_beginning. First off I want to say thanks for responding to my thread. I didn't want to string that thread along because like you my situation changes too often. I am so confused anymore I don't know which way is up. I agreed with everything you said in that we are the only ones who know our spouses. <P>Second, I'm sorry to hear about what's happening with your marriage. Maybe just a rollercoaster dip? I know my rollercoaster has been particularly scary lately and I'm just trying to ride it out. Right now maybe if you can just not focus so much on the problems of the marriage and focus on other things like GETTING SOME REST and some recreational companionship with hubby and no talking of those problems, like a mini marriage vacation with him, that would help? Me and H are doing this and right now we're getting along better than ever, at least for the last 48 hours Just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

Conner,<P>Thanks for the kind words...<P>If only my H were around long enough to go on a mini-vacation with!!<P>He's a workaholic, and works nights, so it's tough. I see him on the weekends only, sometimes for minutes in the morning, or, as you can tell, very late at night. That's why I haven't been getting sleep. I try to wait up for him.<P>I hate my life, but this place helps keep me sane. Thanks again for your reply...<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

NB - The roller coaster doesn't stop, does it? Good advice, ya know? See the doc and find a way to really start taking care of yourself. You've had a long road more than once and things haven't been easy. <P>I sure hope that you won't stop posting. I look forward to your posts. Keeps me grounded and gives me things to think about.<P>Sorry, not too good w/ words today. One of those days, ya know? Just wanted you to know I was thinking of you and that I care.<P>Lori

Thanks Lori,<P>Yes, actually I have thought of leaving here. Sometimes I don't feel like I'm doing anyone any good. And I sure don't feel like I'm doing too well myself either.<P>The rollercoaster used to be fun, now it's just plain scary!<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Here's a wink for ya sweetie! I really hope you don't believe that you haven't done anyone anygood around here. I feel like I have found a kind of bond with you. I am so sorry about what is going on in your marriage right now. I think everyone is right. You need sleep and lots of it. Even one good night's sleep will make a world of difference. I know where you are coming from. My husband works nights also. It is so hard. I can understand where you said you shouldn't the betrayed's threads, but I am the betrayed as well. I feel like I need your advice and maybe sometimes you need mine. Only we know what it is like to be on the side of the situation that our spouses are on. Please do not stop posting here. We all need you and we are here for you to lean on, as well. I hope this made sense. It's been a long day!

Hey Sheryl,<P>You just <B>knew</B> that I'd respond to your thread, didn't you?<P>Listen, I think what your going through is the lull after the honeymoon, so to speak. You guys were so happy that you reconnected, that you sorta had a honeymoon phase for a while. But now your experiencing a down from that. Perfectly normal. Don't worry about bouncing back. You have been through so much in the last year or so, it's gotta wreak havoc on your ability to spring up again. Step back and gain a little perspective. Do you realize that you were saying the same exact stuff a week and a half ago, before you and your husband reconnected?<P>It's good that you talk to your doctor. Get on meds if you have to. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Some people have to be on meds for their whole life! <P>take it easy on yourself!<BR>--andy

N-B,<P>I don't have any advice to give you, but I want you tho know that I care about you. I know you are tired and hurting right now. For that I'm sorry.<P>You always lift my spirits when I post, and I for one NEED you to stay with me.<P>Take care of yourself. It's ok to stop trying so hard. It's ok to do what Sheryl needs. <P>Be good to yourself. I'm sending you a goodnight hug, in hopes you get some sleep.<P>c

hurtone,<P>gee, how did I ever miss that your H works nights too. How long for you guys? Us, it's been 8 yrs. straight this time. We only had about a 2 yr. reprieve before that, and about 10 yrs. of nights (even some graves) before that. I feel like I've ALWAYS been alone. When my kids were little it was awful! BTW thanks for the winks!<P>airheart, <P>My long-lost friend... long lost because I haven't yakked at ya for awhile. Yes, I hoped you would respond, mostly 'cause you set me straight. I agree about the honeymoon thing. And yes, I see the similarity between my posts two weeks ago and today. I know I sound bummed, and I amI will talk to the doc, like I said I would. Don't worry.<P>ceecee, <P>Thanks for the hug, and I'll try to sleep. However, I have this big meeting re: my son tomorrow, and am very nervous. But you're right, I need to take care of Sheryl. And I suspect that DOESN'T mean biting my fingernails, gaining weight and losing sleep. That bath is beginning to sound pretty good... mmmmm..... warm water, bubbles, candles... yummy!<P><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

new_beginning -- I would like to comment on two things you said in your original post, if you don't mind. . .<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I KNOW that I should stay away from many of the betrayed posts, simply because they aren't in a place to accept anything that I, as a betrayer, have to say.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>My W and I have actually had similar conversations lately. I am one of the betrayed, and I for one have found great value from your insights. I honestly believe that many of the betrayed appreciate the posts from betrayers. It gives us a chance to try and understand the other side a little bit better. Please don't feel that just because you are a betrayer you are not a worthy person, or don't have anything to offer.<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I'm very, very tired. I haven't actually slept well for nearly a year. I'm just so tired.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>I have been here myself new_beginning. You find yourself so out of sorts from the sheer physical and mental exhaustion, that you simply can not function correctly. You need to take care of yourself. Go to the doctor. Get some meds if necessary, but you have got to get some rest.<P>Well, Thank you for listening (reading).<P>God Bless<P><BR> <BR>

Empty Shell,<P>First, thank you for responding. As always, you make me feel better <P>I need to ask a question: how do you get those quote things like that? I can never do that!!<P>Also, I guess I feel kinda strongly about some people who I try to "help" and when they don't listen... oh, Lord, I sound like a controlling sow. No wonder I got problems .<P>Thank you again for your response. It means so much. <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Hey, I think you have tons of great points. Remember you are only accountable for what you give of yourself, if people to not take your great advise, not your problem. Also many others may read and take to heart, but never respond.<P>The road to recovery is bumpy. I myself am weary some days from loving so hard. I have the feeling if I stopped, we'd stop. Not literally, I think we both adore our family too much to let go, but I mean everything we have gained. My H may cooperate, thankfully, but it is up to me to lead, and that is disheartening at times.<P>I keep telling myself I'm better at it (he's clueless), so it is just more natural, but sometimes it just seems I'm just plain care more.<P>I hope it gets better for you. <P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

FH&L,<P>Yes, I agree... but don't ya just get tired of being the one to hold everything together?? I guess it's just where I am. Bumpy is sure the right way to describe it!<P>You take care too... BTW, in case I haven't told you before, I like your name. I have all three.<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>