I am reaching out for any help I can get. I am seven months pregnant with our very planned second child. It took us almost a year just to get pregnant. We also have a 2 1/2 year old. After spending Thanksgiving away with my H's family he blind-sides me with "I am not happy". I am so confused. I think he is depressed and stressed out, but I am not sure why he is doing this to us. I am not sure he knows. He is staying at his mothers house. I don't want to do this alone. I am so scared. I am due in February and I want him to bond with this child. I don't feel like he truly realizes she is coming! I just feel so hopeless. He says he doesn't believe in marriage counselors. We have been talking and I am so scared that he is emotionally envolved with someone else. I am scared that the longer he stays away from our family the easier he thinks it will be to end our marriage. Where do I start? Do I just need to sit back and wait for him to come back? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

givemehope welcome to MB, I'm sorry you find yourself here.

Did your H explain why he's not happy? Marriage, children, work?? There seems to be some questions that need to be answered.

If he's not happy with your M do you know why?

I'm sorry I'm not any help just questions. Keep your chin up and give us a little more detail.

He said we don't get along, we fight all the time.In my opinion we don't fight. We have, what I thought, was the usual arguments....talking about whether or not to move, buying a new car, etc. These were never "heated" discussions, we never got so mad at each other we would need to cool off. I believe he is stressed out and thinks giving up is the easy way out. He works a full-time job to support us and is also trying to start a business. That business is starting to pick up. He knows he can't leave his "job" until after the baby because they pay 100% of all of our insurance. His dad's wife (stepmom) just recently left him in September. His sister hasn't been happy in her marriage and just told her husband. I felt we were okay but would asking him if he was happy or if there was anything that we could do differently if something did bother him. I would tell him "I don't want to end up like your dad and sister". He said everything was fine. He would tell me he loved me everytime we hung up the phone, he would kiss me goodbye and hello.
After talking with him a little I see that these arguments bothered him more than they did me. There were other things that bothered him but to me seemed so easy to fix if I had only known. I feel like the reasons he has given as to why he left are soooo easy to work through. I just want a chance to do that and I don't know how to show him that this can work!

Have you asked him if he's willing to at least give it a good old last try before ditching his family?

Would he consider counseling?

You need to Plan A him. Have you read up on that? It's listed under the articles. Are you sure there is not OW in picture?

What happened that caused him to leave? You are so far along in your pregnancy makes me wonder why he'd choose now to leave.

I tried asking if he would give us a try. It isn't fair that I didn't know there was a problem until "you say it is too late to fix". I think he has mentioned going to a counselor but just him. He has said that "no one" understands how he is feeling and feels everyone just says "make it work". But I reassured him I don't want him to just "make it work" I want an honest good hard "try". I feel he is just severly depressed and isn't thinking rationally.

I am not totally sure whether there or not an OW is in the picture. I think there might be only because his view of our relationship is so exhaggerated: I think he is an [censored] (I so don't think he is an [censored]!!). He is an awful parent. (Again, never thought or said anything like that.) I want all these high dollar items. (We talked but I never said I need or have to have. It has been more like my DREAMS, like a nice SUV for us and two growing children.)

I wrote him a letter and told him all the positives that I love about him. Explained that when we talk about buying a car I am just expressing "If I could have any car I would LOVE a ...." But I don't need it. I have said I have seen people with more than 2 kids in cars smaller than ours. I think he is the best dad. He works his but off all day long so that I am able to stay at home with our daughter (soon to be 2 DDs). I totally understand it is his dream to get his business up and running and have never complained that he is working too much (to my knowledge, maybe actions sometimes might be different?) I have told him how amazing he is, how talented he is with his work, he is so loyal. Okay maybe "[censored]" slipped out once or twice in a heated fight, but I knew immediately what I said was wrong and told him that!

And as for a cause for him to leave....nothing. No big fight! As I was at HIS fathers house the week before Thanksgiving. Our conversations each night were normal but just kinda "cold", not the same. It was our first time in our relationship that we were apart for a long time. And the drive home together, same...just different. I asked if something was wrong, bothering him. "Nope". I started to believe that maybe it was just me, being pregnant having all these hormones rushing through my body and I was just feeling "sorry for myself"...maybe? Then I broke down, I was crying one night and he asked what was wrong, I said "I don't know....you tell me" "I am not happy." That was it!

I am so affraid that someone else is in the picture. I asked if there was to PLEASE cut ties while we figure out what is going on in our lives. But if there is an OW in the picture, I can't make him do it.

I suggest you copy your post over to General Questions II. I think there is another woman in the woodpile somewhere. We just need to sniff her out.

givemehope coping & pasting this to the General Questions II you'll get more responses.

If there is OW he probably won't cut the ties yet...that's whats holding him back from working on your M. And thats IF. Have you done any snooping on computer, phone bills,etc to see if anything pops up that's suspicious? You need to find out if there is OW.

If there is no OW then your plan may need to be a bit different. Was this pregnancy a planned one or a surprise? Could your H be afraid of the responsibilty for another child? With working and starting his own business he may feel it's too much at once.

Do as believer says, cut and paste this thread into the GQII forum. You will get more veteran MBers that can help you sniff out if there is OW in picture.

If you need help doing that, just post it here and we'll walk you thru the steps.