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Joined: Dec 2007
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On Nov.9/07, my husband admitted he was having an affair for the last 8 months. He told the other woman the affair had to end, because he had so much guilt and he had to try to save our marriage, she was not too happy with him. The next day this woman had a stroke and died later that month. I am so shocked and confused, my husband would be the last person to have an affair. But now with this woman gone, I am wondering was he really going to try and save or marriage or would he have gone back to her. Help!
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Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 141
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Gosh. I don't even know what to say?How did your H react to her death? Did he go to the funeral? I thought my H was the last person to ever have an affair too. So did everyone else including him. I am a newbie here but all I can say is to read all the info on Infedelity that you can. There are lots of people that can give you much better advice than I can. So...listen,ask,read,and don't be afraid to spill your guts on here.
Always blessings, Never losses
God bless
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,306
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I guess you don't have to worry about future contact! (I'm sorry, that was so bad, but I know everyone was thinking it!)
How did you find out about the A? Did your H confess to you?
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Joined: Dec 2007
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I sort of knew of the affair in May 07; still hoping it was not true, but I was waiting for him to to confess and it took him eight months; Nov.07. We have been married for 27 years on Nov.1/07 and that night he spent with her. It's sad that she died but the few people that knew about the situation all said the same thing.
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 10,107
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Hi Sylvia I am sorry you find yourself in this situation <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />. You can get a lot of help in recovering your marriage and recovering your confidence from studying and discussing here ! There are some useful tools in the link at the bottom of my post. I have a seen very few situations where OP has died, Sylvia, and I do know that while it clearly means you will not have to worry about contact being made with OW, it may also lead to your H's guilt at dumping her and the fact he never got to go through withdrawal voluntarily from his "addiction" to her may complicate your situation. I strongly suggest a counselling call to the Harley's man, to make sure you both approach this tragic situation in the right way. All blessings
MB Alumni
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Joined: Dec 2007
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My H was in shock when she died. He did go to the funeral after the advise from our therapist was not to go. I feel hurt he was not considering my feelings, but he told me he had to go to close this chapter in his life. It feels good to talk to other people, as the only people who know about the affair is my best friend and my husband's sister.
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Joined: Sep 2003
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Welcome to marriagebuilders. So glad that you found us. You will find that you are not alone, and there are tons of folks here who have gone through infidelity, and survived. There are even some cases where the other person died.
Tyk was joking about the no contact part. Of course many people here are worrying about contact. You don't have to, but there are some other problems. Hubby may feel guilty about the affair and the ending, and still have some allegiance to the passed OW.
Plus you will be wondering whether he really would have chosen the marriage or not.
Stick with us, and we will help you through this.
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Joined: Dec 2007
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I am having such a hard time knowing about my H affair, even though I know there will be no contact with the OW, because she has passed. We are both trying, and we have been talking, but he seems so sad maybe he is grieving for her, but what about me. I'm always wondering would he have gone back to her, if she was still here. He says he would not, because he admitted to the affair before she became ill, and he was felt too quilty to go on with the affair. I am so angry with him right now, but then at the same time I feel sorry for him, because I love him very much and I always will.
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 2,546
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Silvia,
I'm so sorry for the pain you are going through. (big cyber hug from me)
I've been here for quit awhile and I'd just like to tell you that WS who admit to an affair and are filled with guilt hardly ever go on with the affair. They don't feel the same justification as WS that were caught and never admitted anything.
No matter what.....I believe that you can trust the statistics and what they say about affairs........hardly any (if any at all) turn out to be "happily ever after" stories.........
hugs
bb
Me-46yo + Husband-49yo
Met 1975/ Married 1980
H had 3 month affair/D-d January 2001
Grandparents since Dec.2005
Recovered and moving on and we're looking forward to the years ahead!
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Joined: Aug 2007
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I am having such a hard time knowing about my H affair, even though I know there will be no contact with the OW, because she has passed. We are both trying, and we have been talking, but he seems so sad maybe he is grieving for her, but what about me. I'm always wondering would he have gone back to her, if she was still here. He says he would not, because he admitted to the affair before she became ill, and he was felt too quilty to go on with the affair. I am so angry with him right now, but then at the same time I feel sorry for him, because I love him very much and I always will.
I'm sorry you find yourself here, but you will get great advice on recovering your M if you work within the MB principals.
It is quite normal to feel the emotions that you are. I think all BS do.
I'm glad you both are in therapy. Your WH may be sad because of the outcome of her dieing, guilt, or maybe that he has hurt you so badly. It sounds like he is still going thru some withdrawal symptoms...all perfectly normal. At some point though he should have less and less.
You are in a positive situation whereas he ended the A and wants to save your M.
Read the articles here. Look at some of the posts. There are plenty of success stories. Not easily obtained for some, it takes alot of work! You have at least your H's willingness to do that.
(((God bless)))
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I'm back again; just the other day I was at the office, we are self employed and I was checking the messages on the machine and there were two messages from the OW's close friend and her daughter who is 33 years old. I called and I asked her not to call at the office any more. I don't understand why they are still calling; the OW has passed. I confronted my husband and he became very angry, he said I had no right to call them. Then the next day he told me that he asked them not to call again. Confused!
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Joined: Jan 2002
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Hi Silvia,
do you know this woman and her daughter??
Are you getting professional help??? (therapist or marriage counc.)
Can you possibly talk with Steve Harley about this???? I think he'd have the best advice!!!
hugs
bb
Me-46yo + Husband-49yo
Met 1975/ Married 1980
H had 3 month affair/D-d January 2001
Grandparents since Dec.2005
Recovered and moving on and we're looking forward to the years ahead!
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