My story: Been married 23 years. Wife tells me in June that she Loves me but is no longer in love with me. She say's that I hurt her too much and that I did not meet any of her emotional needs. I ask her is there is anyone else and she says's no. I discovered cell phone bill and see she has been contact with OP since January. Asked her friend and she confirmed affair. Called OP and threatened to kick his [censored] if he did not leave my wife alone. I guess that was not too smart to do but I could not take it. I let my emotiions get the best of me. I also inormed my wife of an EA that I had 9 years ago. It did not last that long and there was no PC at all. I told my wife that I know what she was going through but she is not buying it. I don't know if that was the proper thing to do but I needed to come clean. Came to this site to get some advise.I read His Needs/Her Needs. I also believe in the policy of being honest. I am applying it but I am not sure if it is working. My WS continues to go out by herself. I am not sure if I should try to stop her or let her go. I guess I am afraid that she might leave. My wife and I have not been intimate since July. She sleeps in her clothes and won't let me see her naked. When I asked what her intentions are she says she wishes she was single and that she is only staying for the kids. I have been to counseling and stopped going once counselor told me to file for divorce. I continue to take her mother to and from work everyday like I have for the past 10 years. This has placed a tremendous strain on the marriage which I what contributed to my depression. The counseling really helped me get through the depression and I am learning to deal with the stress a lot better now. . I became addicted to sports and would spend most of my time watching tv. I know I am partly to blame for her feelings but I am willing to change. I have cancelled all my sports packages and have started to spend more time with my kids. I am also trying to spend more time with my wife but she keeps on avoiding me. I have not yet informed the OM wife. I discovered my wife on a website and she used the OP name for the password. The reason I know is that she had the passwsord emailed to my address. My question is two fold, 1.) should I confront her when she goes out at night and about the passowrd and 2.) Should I send a copy of the cell phone bill to the OM wife. I do not believe my wife will stop the affair until I confront her with proof. I really want to save my marriage but I am at a loss as what to do.

Welcome, sorry you are here.

Do not tell your wife you have the PW. You still need to monitor contact.

Yes, give the OMW any info you have and tell her all that you know. Enlist her as your ally. She can keep an eye on her H and thwart contact as much as possible.

Be prepared once you expose for the slop to hit the fan, for your wife to blame you for everything from the Great Ice Age to the Twin Towers and every problem in your marriage.

Keep up doing all the good Plan A things you have been doing. And get educated though the Most Popular Links here to build a better marriage.

Sorry you are here but you are in the best place to be under the circumstances.

I would encourage you to read the information on the most popular links part of the site, especially the basic concepts and how to survive infidelity. If you haven't gotten a copy of Surviving An Affair (SAA) by Dr. Harley, get it today and start reading.

Also, if you haven't been to the Just Found Out page, go to the thread for Newly Betrayed Spouses and start reading.

Things can get slow here on week-ends so just hang in there.

Yes, expose the affair to the OM's wife. You are just spinning your wheels trying to attract your wife back while she is still having an affair.

Yes, you should. I would suggest that you go with her when she goes out.


I would call up the OMW or go to her house and inform her about the affair. Offer to meet up with her and give her evidence if you call. If you do this via phone call, disguise your # using *67 so your # doesn't show on the caller ID.

After you do that, I would sit down and start going down a list and calling to expose the affair. Tell her mother, her siblings, your parents, employer, if a workplace affair, etc. Do this in one fell swoop to get the maximum effect. Tell them your wife is having an affair and ASK FOR THEIR ADVICE AND SUPPORT. If they offer to talk to her, then take them up on their offer.

DO NOT forewarn your wife you are going to expose this affair.

Exposure is the greatest weapon you have. That is where i would start.