Hi Aranchaa,
I’m not a MC and I’m not an “expert”. I can only share what I’ve learned along the way as I’ve rebuilt my M and from what I’ve learned here on MBs…
I believe that your H will be home in a couple of days and I wanted to give you some of my thoughts on your post.
I arranged Councelling for day after he arrives, how can i approche him, should i say something like:
I arranged C for us and would like u to come,
I can understand your need and desire to want to work on the M immediately. MC is definitely needed, but I wouldn’t spring it on him just yet. You already suspect that he won’t receive this tactic very well… so I wouldn’t try to “force” him to go. If you want to go, then I’d let him know that you have an appointment but that you’ll be home as quick as you can so that you guys can do something together.
He doesnt want to talk about it much on the phone and i believe he is thinking that having profiles in adults sites has been wrong but is not a big deal and that i should get over it without talking much about it.
Not wanting to talk about the past A is very common. Sorry for not knowing more about your situation, but did your H have an A, either emotional or physical? If he did have an EA or PA, is he still in contact with the OW?
You see i dont really know the extent of the relationship with two of these women. i think he could be lying as usual.
If he had an A, either EA or PA, and he hasn’t written a No Contact letter and let you review it before he sent it… then he probably IS lying. As long as your H is still involved in the A, you SHOULDN’T trust his words.
I am sending him articles of this site, like the rule of honesty, or Affairs on the Internet but im affraid he is so busy working he is not reading them.
This is called “Educating” your H. …and I can tell you from personal experience, that 99.9999999% of the time, it DOES NOT work.
Im implementing plan A by emailing, texting and ringing him and being nice to him. He says that i sound in great form but doesnt want to involve emotionally with me. He says i'll never forgive him 4 what he is done and that's it. This sounds to me like that he isnt really sorry for what he's done and doesnt realise how much he has hurt me.
Staying in contact with your H while he is away is good… Clingy, needy e-mails and texts will not help you. If you are staying in contact with him, try to talk about non-relationship stuff… how things are going around the house, your job (if you work), the kids (if you have any), the dog or cat… anything to stay in touch with him. Your goal here is to engage in conversation with him without it turning into a “lets discuss the A” conversation. Plan-A is about showing your H your best qualities… you want to rekindle his feelings for you that brought you together in the first place.
Justkeeping what do u mean i should maybe keep my boundaries if he things it wasnt a big deal and that i get over it.
A good book for you to read is Boundaries in Marriage by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend… The articles here on the MB site will also give you some great information on how to discuss your true feelings in a loving, non-threatening manner. The key here is to get to a point where you and your H can start working through these issues.
What if he doesnt care wether i get over it or not because he things is going to be too difficult to recover a M that has always been so difficult?/
I would really appreciate ur help.!!
Try not to think about “What If” questions. Focus on the developing a good Plan-A, and then doing your best to follow through with your plan. It is possible to rebuild your M. MB offers the best “plan” that I’ve seen and it does work.
Semper Fi,
RIF
