PA was 7-06 to 8-06. He went on a calling binge to me during 8/06 and she got the phone bill from that 9/06 (so I guess it was only about 1 month b4 they were married that she got her evidence and confronted him). She also knew I gave him the $$ in Sept to fix his home studio to (supposedly-and how he conned me) work on my stuff from home so I wouldn't have to pay studio time for it. They were married 10-06. He left the studio 1/07 (3 months later) and I haven't seen him since. The only phone or email contact was over the music. That's the timeline.

BK- To clarify, I am NOT worried (maybe a little bit) but W2S is convinced if she kicks him out he will come after us. My pont is why would she kick him out...dunno, that's just me.

TMTS-indirectly? I have agonized over a way to do this, but even anonymously he would blame my H...who else would do it?

You have an obligation to protect your children. Period. All else is secondary.

All the best,
Gimble

Well sure, this is true...But don't you think that fear could be stirred in just about every situation here to ensure that the OBS never be told??? I think going through hypothetical scenarios does nothing but keep you firmly planted in FEAR...PARALYZED...The OMW should know the truth about her life AND it would insure that the final nail on the coffin of this affair is hammered...

If I sat and thought about all of the things that MIGHT happen to me in the world, I would NEVER leave the house...I would certainly never let our DD leave...That is unrealistic...

Mrs. W

[/quote]I think going through hypothetical scenarios does nothing but keep you firmly planted in FEAR...PARALYZED...[/quote]

True, and it's how I feel right now.

Thank you all very much for your input.

Hi, Mrs W.

I have been in situations where I could have easily found myself dead if I did the wrong thing or said the wrong things. The world is a rough place.

Anytime there is a question as to the safety of children, their safety wins hands down.

Gimble

Sure Gimble, I just think we need to keep fear on the side of rational, yanno?

Mrs. W

If she is aware of contact durring this period, I don't understand what is being exposed. unless he was still making advances.

what did I miss?

There is no question Gimble.

WS's and BS's ALWAYS fear the wrath of the OP or their spouse. It's a once in a million shot at there being any question.

Dr Harley clearly says the OP's spouse should ALWAYS be told.

Yep, protecting children is rational.

Gimble

Quote please.

Gimble

You missed that even though she has the same evidence and suspected an affair, it was never admitted or confirmed. It was denied by OM.

Thanks BK. I'm with you guys now.

Lala, W2S - She still thinks that it never happened?

Mrs. W,


Yes it could, but the alternative is just a likely to happen. Where OM loses everything and chooses to make my life more misable than he already has. As it stands right now, he can't contact my DW for fear of me exposing to his wife. If I remove that deterant, I would be opening my family up to all kinds of possible ramifactions including the very real threat of physical harm coming to the people I care most about.

I'm just venting my frustation at the situation. I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

He denied it to her, yes. After he left the studio I had no reason to think he would ever "make a move" again. On 2/17/07 I admitted to W2S what had happened. The next day I called OM from work to tell him that DH knew what had happened and that he needed to get my stuff done, like, YESTERDAY, b/c H was furious that after all this the CD was still not done (he had already been gone from the studio almost a month with my stuff). He called me 2 days later on my cell at work just to rub exposure to my H in my face with a possible opportuninty with a VH1 show and "too bad you told him, now we cannot work together" and blah blah blah. Also to tell me the CD was almost done. Then on April 3rd (I think it was), he writes me this email out of the blue that is long and describes things such as "I have never loved anyone in my life as much as I love you." That's not even close to all it said, but we'll leave it at that. It devasted our recovery for months and got me back to the pining stage. DH says that it was a stall tactic to shut me up about the CD not being done and to protect him from exposure from DH to his W. I say- either way, it was a dispicable thing to do.

So, no, as far as I know, she has never been told the truth.

Thank you Gimble...we appreciate your input. I have never spoken to you b4, so it's nice to hear your opinion!

Mrs. W and BK-please understand that I get what you are saying and that I have explained to W2S that there is no grey area here as far as you guys are concerned (and I understand WHY).

TMTS and Graplin...thanks for your support also!

We are listening to everyone and trying to make the best decision for our family, OK.

Thanks Lala, your dilema makes much more sense now. W2S is absolutly right... cault between a rock and a hard place.

You are the only people who know how credible the threat of retribution is. It does sound like this guy is capable of stirring up the pot at very least.

Gimble - here is the quote you requested....

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rue#Post2942830

It is just HIGHLY, HIGHLY unlikely that OM will come after you guys...He is an OM for goodness sakes...OMs are notorious COWARDS...AND he KNOWS he is the one that DESERVES an [censored] whoopin'...Odds are against any retaliation by him in a BIG way...I really think that you guys are overthinking this and causing yourselves unnecessary anxiety...

As far as him harming your children...I'd say that is WAY over-the-top unrealistic...Brace yourselves, I'm gonna be blunt, but c'mon, W2S, the guy sexes up your wife and then when HIS actions come back to bite him in the butt he decides that to harm your kids??? Um, like he wouldn't be the FIRST suspect? I mean is this guy smart enough to wipe himself? If he is, then I'd say that that scenario does NOT sound even close to possible...

Mrs. W

That seems pretty clear

I found no quote at the link you sent me. I did find some hearsay from a radio listener.

I think I can find a link for you from Dr. Harley where he states that the betrayed spouse should be the judge of exposure actions.

Regardless, I doubt that the good doctor would ever advise someone to place a child or family in a position of jeopardy.

Gimble