I am deeply saddened for all the innocent people in affair situations.
I, like Mel, would have NEVER married my H if someone had come forward and told me the truth about my H sleeping around on me. He actually tried to sleep with more woman than he actually did.
This is embarrassing to tell, but here goes....
Two weeks before my wedding I went to a party at some friends of a friends house with my fiance, who is now my H. I ended up leaving early and my fiance stayed longer.
The next morning I got a call from the hostess. She told me that my fiance had tried to kiss one of her friends at the party. I was crushed. I told him the marriage was off. He denied, denied, denied. I knew he was drunk when he got home that night and I let him convince me that he was drunk and that he had no recollection of it at all. I married him two weeks later. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />
I wanted to marry him so bad. I loved him so much. HOWEVER, if someone had come forward and told me he had slept with someone, I know in my heart, I wouldn't have married him, ESPECIALLY if they had proof. But that never happened and the rest is history and in my sig line. I am quite sure that OM's W confronted her H over the phone bill but I am sure it was easy to lie his way out of it since LaLa was working with him. He probably said it was all business. He is probably gaslighting her and telling her that's she's INSANE for thinking such a thing. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />
W2S....you know how painful this stuff is. Could you imagine if you had not only found out that your wife had an affair, but how would you feel if you knew she had been cheating on you your whole marriage? What if you just found out that she slept with other men right up to your wedding day? You'd probably be sitting here, like me, wondering why in the he11 she married you in the first place?
Well for me, it's pure he11. My H is trying to hold onto me now but it's sooooooooooooooooooooooooo hard for me to get past THAT MUCH HURT. I am miserable as you could imagine. This is the future that will be the OM's W as well. She will most likely feel "something is not right" just like I did, for 14 years, only to be told she's acting jealous or crazy. I even wanted to take my own life once because of the crazy making that he dished out. I was always told that I was just insecure and that I needed to get a life, basically. Grrrrrr!!!!!
I had so much potential but was beaten down in our relationship. I was never happy. I should have left but stayed so the kid's lives weren't interrupted any more than it already was. I see now, that was a bad choice of mine as well.
My kids have suffered in our miserable relationship, especially now. They have watched me cry uncontrollably for days at a time, for over a year now. They have watched me sit lifeless for hours on end. My son saw me try to beat the crap out of my H one night after not being able to take the hurt any more after d-day #3. I lashed out on my H big time in the garage that night. My son heard us and came out. My son had to pin his mother to the ground.
My relationship with my daughter has been strained because I'm not up to socializing much these days and I try to be there for her and it's so hard. Some days, I don't even want to get out of the chair. She's getting married in six months. This should be a happy time for her.
Both of my kids desperately need counseling, and they refuse to go.
W2S....I completely understand you wanting to protect your family. It's so sad you even have to be in this posistion. But since you are, I know you'll try to do the right thing.
Everything I keep hearing is that you guys feel like the OM will think you are trying to get revenge on him and you're afraid he'll retaliate. Understood. So, let's change this somehow because I don't think you would have any problem doing it if you thought your family would be safe.
If ANYONE has any suggestions here on how we can accomplish this, that would be greately appreciated.
The only thing I can come up with is to have someone else, other than you W2S, to do it. I feel like if it comes from you, the OM may see it as revenge. At this point, he won't care that it's being done for his poor wife.
*I* would be willing to do it even. If you gave me the names and the proof, I would call the OM's W myself.
There HAS to be a way!
Somebody, anybody, please help us find a way!
When there's a will, there's a way.
Please, please, don't let this woman lead the life I endured. Please.
I care about the innocent people in all of this and that includes the OM's wife and her children as well.
The OM's family will suffer at the hands of this man. If the wife finds out the truth and doesn't dump him, well then, I feel sorry for her kids.
Edited for spelling.
