TMTS-
I told DH, he said OK...

Hope you're doing o.k. LaLa. You never did post why you were upset. That's o.k., when you're ready.

Hey Mopey! I just had so much to do this evening, and I didn't feel like doing any of it! Did you ever feel like you are just dragging yourself from room to room trying to complete the most simple of tasks. I think the infection has worn me down to a point where I am light-headed and completly wiped out. I go to the doc on TH morning, and as bad as it is now (size of a golf ball) he will definitely want to do surgery either Friday or Saturday, and he may tell me he has to take the whole thing, or most of it. Just preparing myself for the worst. Nothing like a little disfigurement and bankruptcy to start the year off with a bang!

Now that you know the mood I am in...

I feel bad for W2S,though. He is working all the time and never has time for anything he wants to do...mostly the business stuff (which would get us out of the money hole, but has no time for it) and spending time with us. When you do that and then still struggle financially after where we were a year ago, it's VERY disheartening, yanno! Plus, he can see how much pain I am in, so he tries to do housework, too. So, I wait till he goes to work in the evening and then do everything I possibly can so that he doesn't have to...he gets irritated and scolds me, but oh well! I should be doing everything here while he works-I don't care how much pain I am in!! I feel much worse when I don't get things done. I have been dealing with this since Nov.'06 so I'm used to it!

Anyways, that's it. Just the money problems and reading Bob Pure's story of his friend who committed suicide (cried for an hour) and DH pulling up the emails back and forth between us when I was in WD last spring. I was horrible to him! It was like reading something someone else wrote. I told him he could post a couple of them (which is why he let me read them again first) to 14 so that he can see that even after someone is THAT far gone, they can come back to the M. It just all put me in a really bad place. I am very, very sad tonight.

BUT...this, too shall pass...

Oh Lala there you go making me cry again. I feel terrible for you and will be saying a special prayer for you both.

((((((((Lala)))))))))

You have to be one of the most special persons I have ever encountered. To be going through what you are yet still make time to come here and help out both WSs and BSs is nothing short of remarkable.

What you are saying breaks my heart because no matter what you feel like you have to rise to a certain level.

I'm with your DH about scolding you and getting irritate. Remember that not long ago he was in a Plan A, and as much as I can't speak for him, if I were in his shoes I would be not only willing but begging to let me do the housework so you could get the rest you need.

Please Lala, slow down and take care of your body, because from the sounds of it, your mind and soul want to go full speed but your body just can't keep up. I will beg right along W2S for you to take care of yourself, the rest of us will be fine.

W2S - If you think I am out of line with anything I said, please accept my apologies. You and your DW have become a large part of my life and it hurts to hear the pain you both are going through.

{{{{LaLa}}}}

I have to step away from the keyboard for a little bit but I'll be back.

I'm so sorry!

Mopey, you are right, I know, but I feel soooo guilty. About everything...the A, the financial fallout, quitting my job, devastating my wonderful DH for over a year...and now he is supposed to work full time, plus try to make it work again with his web site, plus spend time with the boys and me, PLUS now he needs to do housework...

NOT IF I CAN STILL WALK!!!!!!!

Believe me, I hear ya. And I luv ya for saying it, I really do, but I have to do as much as I possibly can. And I can deal with the physical pain. I actually feel better overall when I push through it and accomplish as much as I can.

I hope I didn't come on too strong in your thread...I told ya I was in a MOOD! And his state of mind is one that I know ALL TOO WELL. It is the reason I am depressed/mourning right now. I cannot believe I have done these things to the person I love more than anything in this world, besides my boys. I swear, I get in moods like this and I just cry and cry and cry. I feel like someone has ripped my heart out...and it is ALL of my own making. I am so happy that I was able to lay down the wall and fall in love with my husband again, but with that (and this is the core of why most waywards stay foggy) comes immense guilt and devastation.

I'm so glad you are here with me again! I missed you, girl!

Hey LaLa. How are ya doing? You have been such great support to me on my thread. I thought I would check up on yours.
You are amazing. Such an inspiration. Thank you for being here!
Rock

((LaLa))

Thank you so much, Rock. That means a lot to me and I need it tonight. You'll see from my last couple posts that I am really struggling with the guilt and depreession that comes with true realization of the pain I have caused. Not to mention the "latteral" damage!

We will get through this, though, because we love each other and we love our children. DH and I make a great team and we are already planning how to get out of this financial mess and re-build together.

I'll come visit your thread and see how you've been doing...

Thanks for checkin in!

LaLa-

As bad as I'm sure that you find yourself feeling at times, don't forget all of the reasons that you have to be happy. You could have allowed your M to go down the tubes, and if so, can you imagine how truly miserable you would be then? I hate to think of that for you, my WW, any of the WSs here, or anyone else for that matter. That is not an existence that I would wish on anyone.

With that said, head up, chest out, big smile! Even though you may still have a long way to go, you've come a long way thus far. That is something to be immensely proud and happy about, and I'm sure that W2S is, too.

Lala,

Thanks again for stopping by my thread. Try and concentrate on all the positives in your life. You have a wonderful husband who is there for you and also it takes great courage to admit that you were wrong and make the neccessary changes like you did. Its such a pity WW's don't see it like you did. My WW thinks that it is weak to come home and she is strong so will continue in her fog.

Unbelievable! Chin up

Ummm LaLa....I wish I could take credit for that sweet wonderful post but that was TMTS. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

However, I do feel the same as TMTS and I will pray for you tons about your physical situation. I think you seriously need to make sure you don't have a breakdown or something this week. That's a heck of a lot of pain to deal with for this amount of time and to be emotionally a wreck. The house can wait til next week!

Now, about you feeling devastated.....It could have happended to me. I have often thought that if I did what you did, and I "realized" what you have, I would be beating myself up too. But, you are making W2S and EXTREMELY happy man right now. You are doing "whateverittakes" to get through the recovery and he cannot ask for more than that. I am sure he is reeling in the fact that he can see an awesome future because of where you are now. And W2S can see it and feel it and feels safe with it.

And LaLa, if I saw remorse like that in my H I would do EVERYTHING in my power to try and make him feel better. LaLa, forgiving yourself is going to be the hardest part I think and I'd like for you to start thinking hard about this. This is part of yours and W2S's recovery.

I am so sorry that my situation triggered those feelings in you on top of everything else. These are growing pains LaLa. This is what you feel when you grow. And you are growing into someone that I personally am proud to know.

Please don't apologize....lol....for coming on strong in my thread. Call em like you see em I say!

{{{{{LaLa & Co.}}}}}}

Thanks to all of you...you guys are awesome. I am blessed to have such good peeps in my corner!

And TMTS, I am soooo sorry, hon! I thought it was mopey that posted, probably b/c hers was right under yours. You are such a great guy...and I think you are really crackin that wayward NUT of yours!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> I am so proud of you and your growth. The way you have implemented your strategies and worked on being the very best H you can be! Your W is going to be reapin some serious benefits when she comes out of her fog...heck-she is even now!

14 and MFIL...I pray every day for your WWs to come around and stop putting your families through all of this agony. You may not see it yet, but that light is at the end of your tunnels, guys. You have the strength to stand up and fight where many would run away...you guys are ALL my heroes (but W2S is the BIGGEST HERO...you understand, I'm sure! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />)

Hi All!

I just wanted to thank everyone for being so supportive of LaLa. She's really having a hard time right now. I keep reassuring her that I'm doing a million times better than I was before she started posting here. How could I not be? Her transformation from the angry WS back to the woman I fell in love with so long ago has truly been awe inspiring for me. Our acceptance into this community and all the support we have been given can never be repayed. I have found with each post she makes, every realization she comes to, we heal a little more.

Anyways, I'm doing all I can to make things as easy as possible for her. She was right, I did give her quite a lecture for pushing so hard last night spending all that time cleaning. I often tease her and ask if "Better Home & Garderns" or "Martha Stewart" is coming over for a photo shoot or something <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> We live out in the sticks and rarily have company over so for her to go out of the way to keep the house spotless is completely unneccessary. As most of you have seen she can be very STUBBORN though. So, I ask all of you, would it be too much of a LB if I just duct tape her to the couch next time I catch her cleaning? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Lately, she has taken to calling me her hero on here. As flattering as that is, I want to say that I'm no hero. I'm just a man that chose to fight for his family instead of running away. You LaLa, are the real HERO. For all you have done to give back to this community. For the care you show each of the BS's you post to. For facing your mistakes and doing EVERYTHING in your power to make up for them. That takes true courage and strength. That makes you my HERO! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />


Thanks everyone!
Want2Stay

p.s. Sorry I don't post more, but as LaLa has said I'm extremely busy. I still follow all of your threads every day. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. I hope each of your WS's come to the same realizations as LaLa.

YES, YES... duct tape her to the couch than feed her a couple of duck farts. LOL

OMG! I just saw this. You, sirs, are asking for an [censored] whoopin! Although I would prefer the duct tape to living with the groundhogs under the shed! (hehehe) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Next things to say is OOOPS! I just spend and hour cleaning like crazy cuz he is napping right now to go to work tonight. He is going to be PO'd!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> I'll have to hide the duct tape. The boys are both home today, though, so if he duct tapes me I can't take care of them...so HA! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

I am feeling a little better today, though. Doc appt is tomorrow morning, so we'll see what he says.

Thanks again for all the support and encouragement last night. It helps alot!

Lol....

I bet you might could use some of them if you keep feeling bad, hunh.....lol.....

Hope you're still feeling better than you were yesterday!

The next step is to duct tape you under the shed with the groundhogs and give THEM duck farts. I ki!! me...

Mopey - You sound like you're in a better space today...your duck fart thread took a turn for the bad last night. All the best to you...

(((((((Lala, Mopey, W2S and the ducks))))))

Great.....it's known as the "duck fart" thread now....lol.....I gotta try me one of those! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Actually TMTS, I've had about 3 hrs sleep and look like hayul! But, I do feel good cuz I finished my homework and got to class on time today. However, I wuz bad and skipped the 2nd class. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Sup with the ground hogs under the shed there LaLa? Hmmmmmm? Some kinda tortureous threat from W2S?

Edited cuz I can't spell. But I is gettin an edumacation dangit! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

OK...the groundhogs under the shed story...

We have a family of them living under the shed. They have dug out so huge of a hole that we fear the shed floor may collapse. We are going to have the problem fixed this spring b4 we paint the shed. Anyhoo, becuase there is so much space under there, it was W2S's joke that he was going to off me and bury me under the shed with the groundhogs. My joke was that if he really tried to leave, I would duct tape him to the bed like in Misery and spoon feed him until he changed his mind.

See...we are still goofballs even in the most horrible of situations....of course neither one of us was serious (um, I hope not anyways! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />)

So where do the duck farts fit into this groundhog story?