Ok, I feel better now... LOL

I'm wiht the Big guy, you are great.

Thank you BK, you are my word-sparring mate! Great guy, and also a PIA!

You also, Toomuch (was gonna say you too, toomuch...hahahaha...OK getting late, slap-happy humor!)!

You are ALL a great support for me and wonderful friends!

I was going to say you are a great asset but I was 2 letters too long....

MOPERS...come one sista...get with the program!

14th is now eyeofthestorm...he did that to avoid WW finding his thread. If he links to his old stuff, um, what's the point, silly!

Don't worry, his old thread was halfway down the first page (he wants it to get buried) and Lady clueless came in and posted to it and bumped it back up!

It's just gonna take a while for everyone to get on the same page.

Hehehehehe...I think you are studyin too hard, sweetie! (I'm just teasin ya!)

I am such a lucky man to know this wonderful woman and to be her husband is an HONOR! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Thanks sweetheart! It's an honor to be your wife! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Yikes LaLa! Lol.....I just went and deleted it.

Wish me luck today!

See yall later.

LUCK!!! Knock 'em dead with a BIG A+!!!

LOL!

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY LALA & W2S!!!!!


And I hope you don't mind but I want to say Happy Valentine's Day to the Big Kangaroona & that half yankee too. They don't have their own threads but I know they're nosey and will be here. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Oh Happy Valentines day to you too Mopey!

And LaLa and W2S of course.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU, TOO, SWEETIE!!!!


And the same to all of you guys!! I hope everyone has a GREAT day. Even if you are dealing with the waywards, you can still do something for YOU. Pamper yourselves and take care of your hearts.

((((((MBers!!!!))))))

Is it Valentine's Day? Well, I see by the calendar that tomorrow is. Huh! Who knew? Maybe that's why my husband decided we should go out to eat pizza. I thought it was odd, but maybe he just didn't want to cook. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> Of course, we have to take the Dervish, who will be 7 on the 15th, with us, but a free meal is a free meal. At least that's what I always say...

t&l

Hi all!

I know it's been a while, we have had a difficult few weeks. It started with Valentine's Day...which was great this year, but was a disaster last year..TRIGGER! Then immediately following that was our 1-year D-day on Feb 17th. T-R-I-G-G-E-R!! Want2stay has had a difficult time pulling himself out from being knee-deep in triggers lately, but I think we are finally on the other side of this particular LOW.

Once I came here and got the awsome help and support I needed, I threw myself into trying to help others, because it helps W2S and me at the same time. It gave me something to focus on while continuing to learn. But there comes a point where (I feel) it almost becomes counter-productive for a while...so until our recovery is farther down the line, I want to take a little break from the board. It is addictive for sure, and I am spending far too much time here than working on the financial aspect of our fall-out. I need to start working to help W2S re-build his business, plus I will be doing some work on the side to bring in extra income on the internet.

Where are we as a couple...well...

We have come a long way...being here has helped in a HUGE way. I have changed so much about myself, and have gone much farther than just recognizing what caused the A and owning those mistakes. I have gone back to the beginning of our M and realized that I spend most of it entitled and selfish...even though my DH barely ever even raised his voice to me, I had no trouble just tossing out the LBs and DJs all over the place. This broke down a lot of our communication from his side, and he became quite a CA to avoid my "wrath." I understand that these are just a few of my "contributions" to the state of our M pre-A. And I am working very hard to eliminate all of this destructive behavior...

Want2stay was doing fantastic for a full 2 months after we came here. He was just completely and utterly RELIEVED that I finally "got it" and that we could start moving forward. The week before Valentine's Day was like a brick wall for him and it has been a tough climb to the other side. Add to that all of the financial stuff (which is a daily trigger) and him having a rough time bringing himself to even work on the business when he feels it was a large part of the problem pre-A (spent too much time on it and not with us). He realized this as soon as he realized something was "wrong" in our M (during the PA) and went to work immediately to show me how much he regretted it and was sorry...but it was too late. I was knee-deep in Fogville, and it took me another 8 months to even admit to him what had happened. It is this period of time that he struggles with daily. While he can understand and forgive the actual A, he suffers over the ensuing months where I watched him suffer and did little to stop the pain, even though he had accepted his responsibility and tried to change. Then, even after I told him, I quickly adopted a "Hey, it's over now...just get over it already!" which is where I remained for almost a year until we came here.

I think some of the anger (especially after we exposed to OMW and W2S found no revenge that he was seeking, because the POS had already left his family for another OW) is just now starting to surface. It is not directed AT me so much, but it is there. It is hard for me to deal with, even though I OWE him this after all of the heartache I dished out. But when I have a bad day, it makes things much worse. Sometimes I feel that I am not entitled to ANY feelings one way or the other and that I must just "suck it up" like he had to do all that time. I was tempted to come on here yesterday and vent, but I realized that I was knee-deep in a pity-party, and needed to get myself together a little more before I posted.

Last night was tough...we had a pretty heated discussion that went on for quite some time. I have asked him to stop saying things like "All of my happiness was wrapped up in your faithfullness" and "How could you risk everything for this POS" or "I'll never understand why you didn't know how I felt when I told you I loved you every day." I have asked him to re-think his approach just a little so that we can continue to move forward. I find those statements very PA. Even though he swears he does not say them to hurt me, they do hurt. I have done everything possible, which he acknowledges every day, to repair the damage...and now what we need is time. Time to re-connect, time to repair the collateral damage, time between us and the pain...

Time heals all wounds...and this one is very deep.

I am looking forward to spring and summer and getting outside, having some fun and spending time together as a family. It will help W2S since he leaves for work right before our DS7 gets home from school, and misses evening family time. He will either get a better shift, or DS7 will be home all day on summer break and will be able to spend all day with daddy before he goes to work. Plus, since the only time W2S gets to see DS7 is before he goes to school, he ends up going to bed at 2:30-3:00 a.m. and then getting back up at 6:45a.m. to spend time with him. He takes a nap in the afternoon for work, which screws up our day. During summer vacation, he can get his sleep in and still see both boys. This will go a long way in helping W2S with his struggles being apart from the boys during the evening (just another consequence...anyone else sick of life's lessons...???)

Anyways...just wanted to let you guys know what was happening and where we will be...sorry it turned into a novel (aw, come on, ya knew it would! LOLOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />).

If anyone needs to reach us, please feel free to email us at [email]stillstaying@gmail.com.[/email] We will check it daily...

Say a prayer for us...we will be OK!!!!!!!!!!!

It could have been worse LaLa - W2S could have fired up his word processor again.....

God Bless you both.

LaLa and W2S...I think the world of both of you and want very much to see your recovery progress and for you both to have the most wonderful marriage possible...I think that taking a break from the board may be what you both need right now...I love that your focus remains on getting your marriage and family back in order...LaLa, it sounds like you are doing everything you can towards "just compensation", and I'm proud of you for that!

I think just understanding that this is a rollercoaster process that will take time is a big part of the battle...What you guys are experiencing is NORMAL for your timeline...May knowing that bring you both comfort...Keep loving each other and doing all that you can to keep those lovebanks full...Keep those lovebusters at bay...

You'll be missed around here for sure...Looking forward to periodic updates! Take Care and God Bless!

Mrs. W

((((((BK and Mrs. W))))))))

You 2 are my lifelines..truly...thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Lala,

Thank you for comming here when you did. Your DH and you have been cheerlers as well as an inspiration to me and I am truly grateful.

You will be missed by many but know that the both of you will always be in my heart.

The best to you and W2S.

Thanks, and take care LaLa. You truly are amazing!
Rock

((((((((TMTS & Rocky)))))))))

Thanks guys! I prolly won't be gone that long...maybe a few weeks...just taking a step back.

Rock--I will pray for you. Please recover your strength and stand up. You deserve sooooo much better!

(((((Lala)))))

As much as I will miss you and need you ( <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />), I completely understand. Your marriage is your priority and as much you care about all of us and BS everywhere, this is where you must focus. If you run into trouble, you know where to turn. Remember, people are here to help you as much as you are here to help us.

Your infinate wisdom as a FWW will be missed, but hey, you left us with some great pointers... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />.

We will see you soon I am sure. I'll keep praying for you and W2S for you "speedy" recovery.....

Not2fun