RIM

Does letter resemble H's behavior?

I Would look carefully at SR's letter and how Dr Harley addresses it. Could this be whats happening.??

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5062_qa.html



Chris

Sounds like your H is being triggered, and doesn't know how to deal with it. HE may have seen something, or heard something, or have been reminded of something. Who knows?

I think keeping your cool and asking him what you can do is the best thing, and you have done that.

Sounds like you are transparent and honest. I don't know. IF this is ongoing, maybe you should call the Harleys to help your H find a way to deal or ask for what he really needs.

Hey RIM, I just wanted to pop in here quick & "remind" you of something MelodyLane told me: with an alcoholic/someone who's addicted, you cannot meet their needs. A lot of your post(s) reminds me of my own H, with the blame shifting and such.

Have you found an Al-Anon meeting yet? I certainly understand your hesitation, I was too when people kept pushing the issue. Anyway, you can find meetings that take place at the same time as AA meetings. This way you could keep tabs on each other?

My H didn't (doesn't?) drink every day either, and I can remember times when I was "so impressed" that he'd only have a few. How crazy is that? We're still counting beers! Of course the days of only a couple always came with a really short fuse or even MORE entitlement than usual or an argument or...

Hi Chris and SL--

Thanks for the replies. Chris-- I read the resentment article awhile back... particularly the part of SR, like you mentioned, spoke to me... Especially this:

"I'm convinced that what's kept the resentment of S.R.'s husband alive for so many years is that he has found it to be an effective way to control and punish her whenever she doesn't do what he wants. Whenever they have a fight, he brings it up, and it causes her such guilt that it gives him a decided advantage in winning the argument"

I had kinda forgotten about that reading though, so thanks for calling my attention to it again. Reading that part brings tears to my eyes... because I do believe at least somewhat that is what is going on here. He uses it against me to "gain the upper hand" and the "control" in the argument-- (we haven't had a SINGLE argument that he hasn't brought it up in... we can even be heatedly discussing the DISHWASHER and someone the A gets dragged it (a true example!).

On the other hand though, SR's example was 10 years later. Mine is not. I moved back home last June, and I will admit that even though I tried to go NC, I slipped a few times. It also took me changing MY phone number to get HIM to stop contacting me, even though I had asked him to. I stopped answering all calls and texts in late August from him, and then have been completely NC since early November (when I changed my number after he wouldn't leave me alone). So-- complete and total NC for only 3 months now.

So that is where I struggle. After 10 years, its TOTALLY unacceptable. Its not acceptable after three months either, its not productive, but its more "understandable" I guess? But at the same time... this can't become a PATTERN.

And I do believe it is about control with him. He likes that he feels "back on top" now, and doesn't want to relinquish that "control"... but then again this isn't much of a "relationship" this way either...

SL-- I've asked H if he wants to call the Harleys. He says no. He makes fun of me for posting here <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> even though HE was the one trying to get ME to read through this stuff with him when the A first happened... now he thinks that he's being totally rational and "protecting himself" and only worrying about himself. He hasn't re-committed to the relationship either... he's constantly threatening that he's going to leave me. I stopped the begging. At this point, at least once a week he's threatening to leave me... and it used to bother me a lot, but its been going on since September now... and quite frankly I'm sort of immune to it anymore. It doesn't bother me NEARLY as bad as it used to. I dont know if that is a good or bad thing though... I think I'm becoming apathetic, which probably isn't good for our R, seeing as I am the only one holding it together....

Maybe I will call the Harley's alone and see what they have to tell me. I'd like for him to do it with me, but he refuses... he says he doesn't want to do MC until he decides whether or not he wants to stay in this marriage. I feel like he holds that above my head too to get me to "try extra hard". Like if he gives in and re-commits, he's afraid that it is just going to go back to the way it was. But at the same time, he's ruining what little we have left this way.... and I don't see him re-committing anytime soon. What's his incentive?? He's getting everything he wants and needs with out committing! Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free????? We did go to a MC for awhile, but he was kinda an idiot, plus H would just sit there and say over and over again that he couldn't do ANYTHING at all for our marriage until he decided whether or not he "wanted" it. Sigh.

I know what a lot of his triggers are... but sometimes they seem to come out of the blue for me. He won't let me help him with them either. I offer, he rejects, he's miserable and makes me miserable. That's pretty much how that goes!

OK-- I"m not going to write another novel (I think I already did...). haha... I"m at home sick, so I have lots of time on my hands today.

RIM

Counting beers, ahhh!! Julie!! You're right. it is ridiculous. And every time the first one cracks open... I get so TENSE.

Only it seems like maybe your H picked more fights when he was sober?? Mine is the other way around... its like drinking gives him the b*lls to say exactly what is on his mind... and depresses the heck out of him. He gets this total "woe-is-me" attitude and is convinced that his life just sucks and that there's nothing he can do about it (meanwhile, he's got a VERY good job, where he's WELL RESPECTED... has a nice house, in a nice neighborhood... has me at home, BEGGING to work on our marriage... a nice car... a WONDERFUL rottweiler (ha!)... I mean, its like he writes this tale of woe---- from WHAT?!?!

And I guess I also get a little resentful of his "woe is me" and "life is so terrible to me" and "things are never going to get better" tales. He had a VERY cushy childhood... his family is VERY well off, he had whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted it. We started dating in college, and his parents put him through college, paid for everything, he never lifted a finger... only had to "get good grades" (and whether or not he even did that before I came along is a different story). His family is supportive. He's had everything he ever wanted, and more.

Me-- on the other hand... my family life is not so stellar... pretty much I have NO family support system and really haven't since I've been about 16. I raised myself from about 16 on. I worked my butt off, through high school and also college to support myself. I worked 40 hours a week... WHILE BEING A FULLTIME STUDENT in both high school and college. I am self made. I FIRMLY believe in the fact that YOU and ONLY YOU are in charge of YOUR OWN fate. And that if there's a will... there's a way.

Now, I know what I did to him was a horrible, awful thing that he didn't deserve. But I feel like now he's using that to JUSTIFY being a pretty bad person. And I just don't have a lot of respect for that mindset. I'm not going to go into my life story... but I have A LOT of reasons to be VERY resentful towards A LOT of people in my life... but have just found that it is fruitless... its like running on a treadmill... expends a lot of effort but never gets you anywhere....

So, I guess I get resentful of his whole "my life sucks" diatribes. I kinda feel like it is like complaining to someone with no legs about how your leg muscles are sore...

I guess that was part of why I married him. I felt safe telling him my story, and I felt safe with him. He was one of the only people in my life I thought would always have my back, would look out for me like my family should have... and would be MY FAMILY. But he abandoned me, really while we were engaged, before we even got married.

OK-- I am going to stop with the novels. Just been doing a lot of soul searching.

Hi RIM,

Do your wrists hurt yet? LOL

Here's what I don't get. I remember you saying that he Pan A'd his butt off when you where gone, now that your back he's not sure what he wants. Your last post in very enlightening...everything seems to have been easy for him. Now that it's not and he really needs to step up he doesn't know what to do. Is it possible that his issues all relate back to him not really growing up? Maybe I'm being harsh on him here, but the one that got me is that you're at home sick and yet the poker game is still more important. Than he asks you to go out tonight. Makes me wonder if you’re right on the money with the control idea. Are you W or his property?
What am I missing here?

Haha... My sinuses and head hurts more than my wrists... so I'm still good.

H is STILL at work (its almost 730...). He told me he'd come home early to "take care of me". So much for that.

I think a lot of his issues IS that life HAS been "very easy" for him. And i think he has a skewed sense of what "real" problems are in life... or what it is like to "really" work. I guess it always annoyed me even when we were dating when he would complain about how much "work" he had to do... WHEN I WAS WORKING 40 HOURS A WEEK, and had better grades, in a HARDER major! I worked my TAIL off! And he's ALWAYS complaining about SOMETHING. Its like he's never quite happy with his life (or material possessions, but that is a different story... he also needs to surround himself with expensive electronics and cars, etc to feel "worth"...I on the other hand don't need much because I never HAD much... all my money went to pay for books for school or other necessities...

So... he did "plan A" his butt off... but it was definitely interspersed with a ton of LB. He would be VERY SWEET to me one night, and the next night call me and scream at me and tell me he never wanted to talk to me again and that he hated me and didn't love me anymore (all of the above he actually said... he even called me a wh*re a few times). Sometimes because he found out I had talked to OM... sometimes just because he was "in that sort of mood" that day. It was particularly bad when he was "dating" his OW. He was really mean then. I would beg him to just talk to me, and he would refuse, he would literally run away from me. I also caught him lying to me a few times too (and not just about OW...). So-- it was a weird plan A. It was like a "I'll plan A you if you do what I want you to do". The no expectations part was MOST DEFINITELY lost on him (but he didn't/doesn't know of what Plan A really is... it was his modified version, I guess that he came up with alone). He always had expectations. And if those weren't met... well then I was "punished". He'd threaten to leave, I'd beg, sometimes for days, he'd cave, things would be good for a few days, then BAM the cycle would repeat. So-- I don't know if I'd call that a plan A.

So-- he's still not home. Apparently he could "leave work" early to PLAY POKER (he left work at 5 yesterday), but NOT TO TAKE CARE OF HIS SICK WIFE. Hmm.. priorities, anyone?

Screw this. I am going to go GET MYSELF some f'ing soup and cook for myself. I sat here all night because HE SAID he'd come home and take care of me. Now he's not even answering. Its 7:30 and he hasn't even LEFT YET. Whatever. And its not like he's going ot come home all sympathetic. He's going to come home and moan and complain about how horrible his day was and I'm going to want to strangle him.

So frustrated. The more I try, the more I see what a selfish human being he really is. I am starting to think I was just STUPID for thinking he could change.

RIM

RIM

Did you read down further in the article and see how DR. Harley answered specifically and only to SR's problem differently than the other 2 ?

Chris

Yeah, I did read that part. And actually right after I read that, I did try having a little "conversation" with him like he "suggested" SR have... the whole "listen up buster" part (but minus the "buster" because that would just make me laugh... haha...). I asked him if he loved me (yes), asked him if he WANTED to hurt me (no)-- I didn't ask the "do you want to spend the rest of your life with me" part because I know the answer to that and didn't want to go down that road (answer: I dont know). And I tried telling him he had to treat me with more respect... in one ear and out the other. He has excuse after excuse after excuse and justification after justification.

I decided that I am goign to call the Harley's next week. I am going to tell H that I am calling and invite him into the session-- but I doubt he'll want to. At least I can get their opinion and a game plan.

RIM

So when did he make it in last night?
Geez RIM you came back after all that? That right there gives me hope, because I sit here and think that telling her I was asked out was and LB. (Oh, I didn't mention that the look on her face was priceless).

Again, are you his wife or his property? Because the picture you paint is that you are but a piece in his toy collection. If 'm right, the question is can you live like that? He called you a wh*re and you came back?

So last night was a tad bit disastrous. At 8 pm I STILL hadn't heard from H (he originally said he'd come home from work early to take care of me... then he said no later than 7... and by 8 pm he was nowhere to be found and not answering his phone...).

So, at 8 I got annoyed and called him one last time. I left him a message that just said that I had no clue where he was, I was really sick, not feeling well and STARVING... so I was going to get MYSELF food and if he wanted anything to let me know. Well, I get in the car with the dog, going to go through a drive thru somewhere... and I get a text from him that says "he doesn't appreciate the tone of my voicemail and he'll call in a minute" (I wasn't yelling, but I did have an annoyed tone to my voice on the voicemail. Um.... lets see, I don't care (well I do) if you are working until 8:30 at night, but DON'T TELL ME you are coming home "early" to make dinner for me then!!! Or at least CALL when your plans change... don't leave me sick and hanging, you JERK!

So, I am pulling up to the drive thru, and I call him AGAIN. He answers all pissy. I ask him if he wants anything, and he gets all pissy and says he'll just get something himself on the way home. Whatever. So, I get out of line, and go home. I called him when I got home, and I asked when he was leaving (it was almost 9 now!).. and he said that he was just going to go out himself and "would be home later" (aka-- he's going to the bar...). Grrrrr....

So, me, being stupid... I burst out into tears on the phone... and I say "all I wanted all day long was for you to come home. I sat here from noon on waiting for you to come home... I don't even care if you "take care of me" but don't make it WORSE!" At which point he starts SCREAMING into his phone at me. I can't even UNDERSTAND what he's saying. At one point when he stopped I said to him, please calm down or call me back when you are calm... (I wasn't yelling AT ALL)-- and then he continued to scream. I hung up-- and snapped my cell phone shut so hard that the screen on it broke (it was already breaking anyways), I was so frustrtated.

So-- I call him back (this is the typical pattern, he gets mad, he's a total jerk that can't calm himself down, and I end up hurt, crying, and begging and trying to calm him down...). I ask what he's doing. He says he's in the parking lot of the supermarket. He'll be home in a little. He came home about 10 minutes later with some alka seltzer for me. And was pretty distant the rest of the night.

I don't know how much more of this I can take. I really don't. This is totally out of control.

You know what is scary to me??? This is EXACTLY how he behaved before... before my A. And the more and more and more I am rejected, the more and more and more he hurts me and the more he is selfish with NO capacity for empathy... I start to understand more and more where my A even came from in the firsts place. People can't live like this. My decision was totally wrong, it didn't fix anything and it made things worse. But the more he behaves like this, and the more I remember the hurt and pain, and all the nights alone crying in bed with my dog... all the times I felt so alone and like he didn't care about me at all... all the times I felt like I had been "duped" into thinking that he'd care about me and take care of me... I understand. I understand where it came from.

And its not like these are things where our personalities just "clash". This isn't about personalities. This is about him being a rotten, controlling, selfish, narcissistic person. And this is the person he was before my A. He's gone completely back to that person. And I've gone back to walking on egg shells, being miserable and unfulfilled.

I don't know how much more of this I can take.

RIM

regret,

I haven't read your entire thread, just the recent stuff. So straighten me out on something; Your BH (FWH?) was working the MB Plans AND he had an A while you were separated? Sounds like he's got his own set of issues that YOU can't fix. Correct me if I'm wrong (hint, hint, I'M NOT) the Harleys do not advocate starting any relationships until LONG AFTER a D.

I'm glad that you are calling the Harleys. I have spoken with Jennifer in the past (four ocassions) and she has given me all the tools that I needed to move this thing along. It was a matter of me implementing them, regardless of what my FWH did, or whatever outcome occurred. She told me not to think about the outcome, because we cannot predict these things; just use the principles, learn them, and apply them, and let things unfold.

It hasn't been that long since NC for you guys (I believe you said three months), so your BH may still be very full of mistrust. That in no way excuses his disrespectful actions, or his lack of commitment.

IMO, if you fight for the M (as it sounds like he tried to do, albeit POORLY in some ways--um, DATING being one) then you have already made the choice that you want to spend the rest of your life with your spouse. Just my opinion, but what's the point, otherwise.

Well, regret, you have made the decision to fight for the M, have you not? So, call the Harleys and do whatever is within YOUR power to affect change in the M dynamic. It won't hurt to try. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

RIM - It hurts to ask you this, but do you have anywhere you could go stay? I think Lala had a good read on him a couple of weeks ago when you started describing his temper. This does not sound healthy for you at all! Ask yourself this, does he love YOU or what you REPRESENT for him?

I'm really scared about how your state of mind is going downhill, and he is just digging bigger holes for you to fall into.

I think that you are considering what I' m talking about here aren't you. but I can also sense that you do truly love him and don't want to let go. Just please look out for yourself.

Thanks for the encouragement SL! I have been putting off calling the Harley's just for cost considerations really, but at this point, I'm about ready to pull my hair out...

So, long story short.... a short timeline:

(7/04-7/06): H has 2 EAs. I do not find out about either one at the time. He works out of town a lot, spend (literally) about 48 hours a week at home. Hardly ever calls when he's out of town, and when he does, he's in a foul mood and yells at me. I don't know if the EAs were ever physical because I didn't find out about them until about 2 years after the fact, the girls were "out of town" girls that he met on jobs, and they've miraculously disappeared. And they have VERY plain names, so you can't find them (think "Ann Smith"). Any of this part could be lies on his part... I'd never know at this point.

I become involved in an EA starting late June of 2006. I end up kissing OM in July 2006... and we had ONE instance of becoming more physical than that (but did not sleep with him). I then ended the PA part. Told H about it the next week (he didn't even suspect, I told him on my own. Guilt was killing me). H was devastated. This is when he told me about his 2 EAs. Quit his job to find a new one to work in town (the job he has now). I continued the EA part and was in a fog. Moved out of my house after a series of lies from H about where he was on a few nights, about the purchase of a car, and also catching him surfing the internet dating websites in mid-October of 2006.

Late October 2006 he meets a girl at an online dating site. Tells her he's divorced (ha!). She lives across the country. He sets up job interviews in her part of town, flies out there, and takes her out on a weekend long date. Tells me he's out there for business. Takes her flowers, meets her family... then calls her EVERY SINGLE DAY after he gets back, sending her flirty texts, etc. Sends her $70 flowers on her birthday with a sickening note with little pet names. All this time she thinks he's moving across the country to be with her.

I find the cell phone records (and her number). He tells me it was someone he met at work (ha!). Slowly (after 5 days of lying to me-- and changing his lies over and over... I actually have emails that say "I just can't lie to you anymore" and then the next sentence he typed to me was a lie...), I get the truth... out of HER (he's been lying to her too). This was in mid-December 2006. He stuck up for her, telling me how great she was (uck).

He then did his own version of plan A chock full of expectations. He would plan A me and be the husband I wanted... IF he got what he wanted. If not, he'd threaten me, etc.

In July 2007 my lease was up on my apartment... I decided to move home in June. Give things another try. It was rocky from the start. I broke my arm in early August 2007 playing softball. H was busy at work and couldn't be bothered with "helping" me most days. I stayed with a friend most days because he didn't want to help me shower or anything.

In September 2007 I ran into OM when I was out with a friend... and one of his friends happened to see me talking to OM (this all happened in about 5 minutes...). This was the last straw for H. This was when he "gave up" and all the behavior I have been describing started...and when he started threatening me and being very selfish, etc. I had told OM I was moving home and asked for NC in June. OM was pretty bad with that... he kept calling and texting anyways (idiot). I have changed my number... and have had TRUE NC for three months. But I've been trying for NC since June... and told OM in June I wanted NC whatsoever. I think OM has actually moved out of town, but I'm not sure, and don't want to dig. I'll let that sleeping dog lie.

So, that's my short story (although I sort of made it long??)

H doesn't consider himself to be a WH... he thinks what he did "doesn't count" . He thinks what I did was worse, therefore what he did doesn't matter.

So, as of right now, he is saying he "doesn't know if he wants this marriage", and threatens to leave all the time. Oh, and he's gone back to being obsessed with work, drinking, and being quite selfish with a TOTAL lack of empathy. He has no regard for my feelings. None. This is how my A started in the first place.... I tried telling him over and over again how miserable I was, how things had to change... he didn't listen. I didn't WANT my A to happen, and if I could, I'd take it back, in a heartbeat. It certainly didn't solve anything, and made a lot of things worse. It wasn't right, it wasn't justified.

RIM

Maybe he's going thru his own withdrawal. Your husband was definintely wayward, no doubt about it. He had more than one affair, and has not recovered from any one of them. None of his A's, according to your timeline, are revenge either, not that that is excusable, just a justification on the waywards part, IMO.

Well, if you believe that you can muster the strength, I would give the Harleys a try.

Problem is, your FWH has a lot of work to do of his own, which requires him stepping up.

Hey TMTS--

See, that's the problem. I DON'T really have anywhere to go <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I could see if I could get something in like the "extended stay" hotel down the street from us (they are like little condos that people stay in if they are in town on business for a few weeks or whatever, instead of a hotel). I don't know if they'd let me take my dog though, which is important to me-- she's my furry support, plus, H really takes minimal care of her anyways....

That is why I am sort of mystified about what I should do with regards to planning my OWN plan B. I know that where I live (PA)-- if I leave the house, it can be considered "abandonment", but I don't know what that means in terms of my rights in a D (anyone?). I know that legally, if I leave, its considered abandonment though.

This would be much easier if HE would leave, but I don't think he would, PLUS, I don't know if I can really afford the house alone.

So, I'm sort of stuck between a rock and a hard place. Without signing another lease, I don't really see how I could leave again?

This is something I've been struggling with all along...

RIM

RIM

A little weekend home work b-4 you call Harleys

Look back at all the responses from your posts from when you started.

Some of the best on the MB board responded.

Then think about our Posts.

It may help to cut and paste the highlight or main theme from the REPLIES to a wordpad doc that you could print out and look at them all together.

IMO you may see a pattern to the responses that would be real clear if you saw it in black and white.

I strongly suggest this b-4 talking to Harleys

JMO

Chris

Thanks, TMTS, I am sure about what I said.

RIM-this is why I haven't posted in a while. I am going to give you some tough love, now, hon, and you can take it or leave it.

He is an angry, controlling, abusive, selfish alcoholic who is unwilling to work on himself. It does not matter HOW many times he drinks, it is the way he USES alcohol and drugs and the way he ACTS while he is on them that create the addictive atmosphere. The thing is-you have already been told this by several people. Yet, you continue to "full force Plan A" him, no matter what anyone else says. That is your choice-your life. You can continue down this path until 1) He hurts you physically or menatlly to the point where you have a nervous breakdown, 2) You take the anger I have heard over and over through your posts and do something to HIM, 3) You continue to fight and scream and beg and plead to absolutely no benefit to either one of you, or 4) You decide to get a L, get him out of the house, get the help YOU need (because you cannot make him do anything) and then possibly sell the house and get one you can afford on your own.

These are your choices. I, for one, cannot even force myself at this point to read the same posts from you that re-hash all of the things you hate about him and your M over and over with absolutely no commitment on your part to DO anything about your situation. You have been told (by some of the BEST this forum has to offer) to:

1.) Go to alanon (have you gone?)
2.) Separate from him until he chooses to make the changes he needs to make in order to have a healthy M
3.) STOP doing Plan A as even the good doc who runs this site would say is essential until he gets help for his addictive and/or abusive behaviors (LET ALONE BOTH!!)
4.) Stop begging and pleading with someone who obviouly enjoys watching you squirm and "gets off" on your need to cling to him even when he is being a monster.

So, what's it gonna be. I'm sorry, girlfriend, but your DOG does not even come close to constituting enough of a reason to prolong your own demise and agony. Get a L, sell the house, split the difference and get the help you need to recover from years of abuse from this man.

Or don't...but as long as you keep posting the same thing over and over with no change in YOUR tactic (which is the only thing you can CONTROL), or change YOURSELF into a strong, confident woman who will not accept this sort of treatment from ANYONE, let alone her HUSBAND...this will be your life...as it is now. Because you are doing nothing to change your sitch. You are doing the same thing on this board that you are doing in your M...screaming and yelling and begging and pleading for something to change, but you have yet to show us what exactly YOU are going to do to improve your situation. Noone else can do it for you. It's up to YOU!

So then what do I DO??? Where do I GO??? I HAVE NOWHERE TO GO! NOWHERE!

He's being a major jerk again tonight (after I planned this whole nigh for him). And I don't mean to be mean Lala, but a 2x4 was the LAST thing I needed tonight. I am already beaten down.

He had a different OPINION than I did about something tonight and started a full force arguemtn about it. REFUSES to diffuse the situation, even though I said I just want ti to be over. I don't want to argue. Well, he says he does, he's not over it. He's being a jerk

I just have nowhere to go. Yeah, you keep teling me to leave... BUT TO WHERE??!?!?!?! WHERE?!?!?! YOU TELL ME WHERE, AND IM THERE!

I CAN'T AFFORD THE HOUSE, EVEN FOR 2 MONTHS. HE'S NOT GOING TO LEAVE. HE'S JUST NOT GOING TO. SO I HAVE TO LEAVE. THAT MEANS I MAY JEOPARDIZE WHAT I GET FROM THE HOUSE FINICALLY IF WE SELL IT (it is considered abandonment in PA if I leave). NOT TO MENTION... DOG OR NO DOG... I HAVE NOWHERE TO GO. Short of signing a 1 year lease on an apartment... I HAVE NOWHERE TO GO. NOWHERE. I'm not kidding you.

Its 2:30 in the morning and I am sitting downstairs CRYING over what became of tonight. What do I do?? You want me to plan B... FINE. BUT THEN HELP ME FIGURE OUT HOW TO! Its much easier said than done. Help me figure out how to and I'd more seriously consider it. Becuase right now, I dont even see how that is posible.

I am so distraught right now. I need to go to bed. Good night. I know I am going to go upstairs and he's just going to be a jerk again, refuse to talk to me. Even though I planned this ENTIRE night FOR HIM.

Help me. Help me come up with a PLAN. And yes, I've looked into ala-non. That was just a week ago. I was sick three days this week. I called, but I haven't gone yet. I havne't had a chance, between the house and work and everything else. My life is falling apart.

RIM

RIM...DO NOT go anywhere...give me a chance to respond