Hi Folks,
I've been back home now for 3 weeks today. What a great feeling being home. Though not the path I would have chosen, but where we are now is a good place, and each moment it does get better.
My Thread subject line states "I betrayed my Wife" for 2 reasons, one was to get you to read this...especially those of you who think I lied about not cheating on her. The other reason was to share with all of you and any new people HOW I betrayed her.
First of all, I won't name names but we all know the trolls who have haunted me trying to point the finger at me. Let me tell you first. I DID NOT CHEAT on my wife. but I do concede I betrayed her.... to a point.
After talking, really talking with my wife for the last 3 weeks we have come to a realization. I pulled away before she did. I resented the comments she would make about her making more $ than I so I started to slip away from my relationship with her and just exist next to her. She on the other hand saw my retreat and automatically assumed there was another woman. knowing full well i have no time for that she beleived I was having an EA online.
I dismissed the real issues with my wife and devled into my work and research in my lab. The more we fought the more time I speant hiding in my lab than dealing with the real issues. The more time I spent in the lab the more convince my wife was that I was cheating on her with someone online, and the 2 times I worked very late i must have met this person.
Let me say this again, i did not cheat on my wife. That thought has never and will never cross my mind. I betrayed her by not communicating with her that her comments about how little $ I make comapred to her multi million $ company job bothered me and finally broke me.
I betrayed her because as her husband, i should have known better and talked with her about how these comments were breaking the team concept of marriage.
It all snowballed from there to what brought me here some time ago.
Now... since we've discovered the root issue, and I've removed my lab from the house. I also no longer work from home unless she is working and the baby is asleep. We are in complete agreement on when it's time to work and when it's time for family. We also agree that there will be times when work needs to get done, but work is never to be a priority....with either of us.
I love my wife dearly.
I went to the last Dr. Appointment for the baby with her and it's comfirmed, we are having a daughter! I am so excited, she is freaked out thinking "oh no, a mini-me". I know things will get tougher before they get better after the 2nd child arrives, but I (we) am (are) prepared for that.
Every single night except for 2 since I've been home, my wife and I go to bed together. It's taken a while but just 2 or 3 nights ago she actually wanted to cuddle with me until she fell asleeep. it's nice to get back tot hat too.
Every morning we are all up together, seeing how I'm not up so late anymore i actually get out of bed about the same time as her. Weekends we make breakfast - together. Weeknights we cook diner and clean up - together.
One more time.... I did not cheat on my wife but I betrayed her. I disconnected from her and she reacted with all the actions she took onstead of trying to figure out why I disconnected.
it's been GREAT... absolute bliss reconnecting with my wife! With my family! And it's a place we both enjoy. every single moment we fall back in love with each other.
The fights I thought we would continue to have (as every married couple agrues, there no way around that) but the fights i thought WE would have... we still have them but not even close the tiem amount of times I thougth we would, which is a pleasent surprise.
The reason for posting?
To let you all know I'm doing well...we, are doing well. My daughter to be appears very healthy! No DNA needed, I have a very distinctive chin, all my kids and my sister's kids have it, the ultrasound even shows it... she's mine! That's moot though... my wife and I are in agreement that her test and circumstances coupled with that nurse and my test reults, we agree her test was a false positive. My son is happy to have me home and see me every morning and give me kisses before bed each night.
The other reason....
If there is anyone else out there who has not cheat but there spouse knows in there heart you have, look from their POV, how do they see you and your actions lately? YOU make think everythign you do is routine and innocent, but look at you through their eyes.... you may just save your marriage.
God Bless,
TOMK
