I used to clean like mad. It helps. Hang in there, you are doing fine. And at least the laundry will get folded.

Hey me too, I'm cleaning all the time... driving the kids nuts

And you can just bring things up from time to time - ask her what she thinks about having a alate counter top, or would she do the kitchen with flowered wallpaper - stuff like that.

((((TMTS))))

Sounds like you are doing SOOOOOOO much better than I am. At least you are better at doing the reverse fog babble, of course that might work better if I LIKED to do the laundry. You know you are doing good, and like you said, if she goes you'll find someone else who will apprieciate what you have learned. I won't be on as much this week, as my WS took the power chord with him on a business trip (he asked, and I felt like if I said no it would be too much like a LB....gawd, I am a DOORMAT....LOL).

Anyway, hang in there.....


Not2fun

TMTS,

You've got mail...

Mark,

You've got mail.

Hi Mark,

Please check you;re mail. Thanks... of to read. I'm very curious now to find out why you have me starting where I'm starting.

TMTS,

Glad to see your doing pretty good today. Like Mark has told you, keep throwing those stones all you can and at some point they will come to the surface. It's nice to see you have reached a point where you've accepted that the outcome of the situation is out of your control. You are doing all you can to give yourself a chance at recovering your marriage and that is all you can do. I hope that your DW realizes how commited you are to the changes you have made to be a better husband for her. At some point, whether it be before she trys to move out or after she is going to have to face the reality of the situation she has created. When she does realize this that is when all the stones you have been throwing are going to make the difference.

Thanks for taking the time to post in LaLa's thread. She really is having a hard time right now. Sometimes everything we have been through over the past 17 months is just to much to handle. We have both lost so much, not just as a couple, but as individuals too. There is no doubt that this path is not for the faint of heart. It takes an incredile amount of courage and strength to accomplish what we have set out to do. Take peace in that. In most cases, people just throw in the towel and move on. We have chosen to take the road less traveled. Hang in there buddy!

Want2Stay

W2S,

Man you and Lala are an inspiration to me. I know I've said it before, but I really maen it. When Lala first posted on my thread and told me to read you're stories I said to myself, man if Lala can snap out of it after going through this, then I've got a chance.

I hope she feel better soon. My heart goes out to you.

Thanks! I'll tell ya though, you saw how I was even when I first came here! That was just over a month ago! I started that justification crap here and got my [censored] handed to me in short order...and Mrs W led that posse!

Thank God for her! And BK, Mopey, RIF (miss him -where's he been?!), and so many others who joined in that night to set me straight. Even MEDC gave me a drive-by that night (I'll tell ya-him telling me "you're probably gonna have to give up that music. If you cared about it so much you shouldn't have chit on it. You don't chit where ya eat!" was absolutely priceless). At one point I was furious and ready to tell them all to go stick it! But I hung in and took it all in and realized that they really were there to help me and that what they were saying was so true. They were the ones who made the difference in my general viewpoint. That change made me see everything differently. They are wonderful people. I will never be able to thank them enough. I think it was the most humbling night of my entire life.

AnyHOO, blah blah blah...gonna go get caught up on my soap opera! Motrin helped a lot and I am feeling much better.

TMTS,

Yeah, I've actually gone back and reread her first few posts and I continue to watch the new ones and I'm absolutely amazed at the difference. It's like there were 2 different people posting. I'll never understand it. I wish I could give you more advice on what it was that made the difference but I'm still trying to figure that one out myself. I'm just so thankful that it came when it did because I don't know if we would have survived much longer.

I can go pray and sleep now.... I'm so glad you feel better. Try to get some sleep, I'm sure you need it.
(((((((((Lala,W2S,the boys))))))))

Hi there,

How are you? I just got home and am going to check in on your thread to see how you are doing?

Mrs. W, I loved the way you asked that question.

I'm truly touched. I don't find it disrespectful at all.

So where are you taking her at Lowes tomorrow?

Oh good Queenie...I sure didn't want to be disrespectful...I just seriously didn't ever know that! We ended up getting close to an MBer that was Jewish and I finally came out and asked why she typed God that way...Funny thing, Mr. W didn't know either and his high school was about 75% Jewish...Guess it just never came up back then...I am glad that we live in a very diverse community now...We are Christians, but it is important to both Mr. W and I that our DD gets to know people of all religions (and races too actually), while still remaining true to our beliefs...

Anyway, just thought I'd share! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

You are one special person.

I'm glad you shared. And I love reading what you have to say.

Queenie

I hope you had a good night sleep. Sounds like you had a very nice night.

The Lowes deal to go looking at kitchen remodeling ideas. I'm good with the ugly background stuff like walls, wiring, and plumbing. But she absolutely loves the final design stuff. So that is the plan. She is still trying to wiggle her way out of going tonight, but when she brought it up last night I just pulled the shut up and do something else maneuver. We'll see what see try’s to pull off tonight. My plan now is as follows. She gets home, I have supper ready we eat, and I get ready to go and ask her to come along. If she doesn't I go anyway and bring back all kinds of samples (I also try to talk the DDs to come along for the ride, and get their input) so the choice is now hers... you want to be in the loop or not? (Please slap me around if this plan is stupid).

I hope your session goes well this morning, please let us know.

P.S. We are also curious about the meeting with your boss.

P.P.S. If you have time, please say hi to Lala, she had a major bout with post surgery pain last night.

Good luck with your Lowe's plan... remember no expectations. I had hoped to get my WH to go swimming with us, but he fogged that up ;-) I'm thinkin' if we left him out of the loop for awhile would he get lonely and want to join us, but I guess that would almost be plan B, so I'll stear clear of that thinking for now.

Good Morning SS,

I don't know that if you set up these kinds of things AND invite him is going Plan B. I interpret it this way... Our WS made the conscious decision to move on in their life without us, we should do the same. Our Plan A is to make us a better choice than their optional alternative.

Vets, please comment on this is you would be so kind. Am I off base in my understanding.

Plan A is to identify and fix your 1/2 of the Marriage and show your WS that you can in fact be a good partner. It is also the time to attack and kill the A.

Plan B is to remove and protect yourself from the WS. Its purpose is to STOP meeting any of the WS needs, making them to experience reality without the BS. The BS removing themselves forces the OP to meet ALL the WS needs, which brings reality to the situation. It also prevents further drains on the BS' love bank, which by this point will be very low.