HEY WAKE UP!! dumb commercials... anyway, where are you, hope all is well, your wind is now on the other coast blowing us around!!

Hi Soon, (I like that more that SS)

Thanks for waking me up... I was having a nice nap. Catch up sleep I guess. That wind is pretty nasty isn't it.

I'm on a drop in the ride right now. Read a post that brought back memories of what my WW told me a month ago. The whole the OM wouldn't make a difference, you weren’t meeting my needs I’m not “in love” with you I’m leaving anyway speech. It really sunk in that (And I know my new friends and mentors won't like me saying this) I do not feel like I deserve for her to change her mind and reconcile when she comes out of the fog. My best bet for everybody's happiness is to learn from this and hopefully I will meet someone new one day and be the man I need to be to make her happy. I kept going through my head about all the times that she asked and begged for more attention, affection and intimacy from me, to feel more connected. And would just get mad and tell her that what I was doing should be enough. I just don't know if I can ever be what I need to be for her to be happy. This OM may have the right stuff after all, what good is it to be a good father, and like to cook if you can't or better yet won't connect even when you're practically begged to do so. I hate this ride! I was feeling pretty good for the last couple of days, and then one post just turns me around. What wrong with me Soon, why can’t I get control of these emotions? I've wasted this dear woman's life so why am I fighting so hard to keep something I will only end up screwing up later anyway. I'm no Man, Mrs. W. tells me to Man up, but what do you do when your not one. (Your probably sorry you asked by now).

Ok, I’m done now. Don’t feel any better, but I got that out.

OMG

STOP WHINING

WOW

Poor little me... No wonder your wife doesn't respect you.

TMTS - we ALL made mistakes that made our wives vulnerable. We all ignored pleas for help and pleas for change.

Did it ever occur to you your wife actually WANTS you to to be a man?

She WANTS to see you MAN UP

TMTS- I'm sorry you are feeling down. I will tell you what I told Try earlier. I think it would do you some good to reconnect on a romantic level right now. Ask her out on a date. You told another poster that you used to go to a place to play pool and then sit by the fire and chat...can you go there this weekend? You need some together time. Your lovebank runneth low, my friend. If you can steer away form the R and A talks, and her moving out, you can rekindle your love for each other a little at a time. It will work both ways, ya know.

How can you say you are not a man when you are standing up for your family and doing what many people would not have the strength to do? With all you've learned here, I seriously doubt you would "screw it up later anyways." Remember, you are 50% responsible for the state of the marriage before the A, but she is responsible for 100% of the A. That is a choice she made, no matter what your marrital condition before, that has caused the most pain to your M.

You are allowed to feel sorry for yourself now and again, as long as you realize it isn't going to make you feel anything but bad. You have put in a good fight for the past few weeks and it is taking its toll. I really cannot stress enough how much getting out together and spending some quality fun time would mean to both of you. You deserve it!

Bk Thanks for the 2x4, that's what I need sometimes to snap me out of these whinny phases. Luckily what I'm saying is all my internal struggle. My poker face is good and she sees only the happy side. (That's why I do this part here) But your right, what whining about it going to accomplish and I need to get these thoughts right out of my mind. (I see you edited, was the 2x4 bigger? LOL, see you made me laugh).

Lala - You know what I'll give it a shot Friday night. We curl at 6PM, so I'll suggest we go to the pool hall afterwards. I'll keep it at buddy level and just poor on the charm. It's worth a shot. Not sure if she'll go for it but we'll see. We're still on for Lowes on Saturday and she loves shopping for stuff like this.

I'm just waiting for Mrs. W. to take out the sledge hammer... Ok guys Sorry, I'm over it... Man up time.

GOOD FOR YOU

LOL TMTS - actually, I don't proof read very well (Just ask MrsW) so I only corrected my mistakes.

Ya I do the same thing all the time. Maybe it's becasue we spell colour properly. LOL

that darn roller coaster...it's been bad lately. But be still and be patient! It could take up to two years!!! And by then you (I) will be such a better person, you (I) may not want our WS back when they realize what a mistake they have made. Hold on. You've done a good job of "whining" here and not to her. I have such a hard time putting on the happy face to my WH. But I'm trying... that and I'm using his "lets be friends" words against him... if he wants to be friends we need to chat and we need to do things together if we're friends ;-)

best of luck

Well she sounds excited about curling Friday night. I didn't drop the pool idea on her (Just drop it on her like Mrs. W. says). I think the main thing this weekend is going to be avoiding R talk. So I need to practice my "I do M the mediator/Lawyer does separation" line (I haven’t had to use it since before Christmas). I'm looking for that opportunity to mention our relationship after divorce. That's one I need to practice in front of the mirror. So far I have nothing that makes any sense so I'll keep talking to myself on that one.

I'm still pulling out the splinters from BK's 2x4 (Thanks, I needed that). You know what has changed... I would get into this mood and stay there for days, now it a couple of hours, I come here gat a well deserved 2x4 and I snap out of it.

Something just dawned on me… I just thought of when I’ll be reading this in a couple of years from now. The whining and pity parties will be funny then... well funny for me.

OOOOoooo! Good reverse babble. I'll incorporate that into my little message.

Thanks for checking in on me.

I'm not laughing...
Are YOU laughing?

Leave you alone for a few hours and you go whiny on me...

Good thing BK got to you with a 2X4 before I got home. I'm all out of 2X4s...All I have left is 4X4s...

You're not supposed to be having any relationship talks at all. You're supposed to be trying to win her back...

Go have some fun with her!

Cowboy up!

Mark

I'm laughing now... hey look at the bright side, before it took 2x4 for a day to snap me out, now it just takes one.

No relationship talks, zero, nada. I don't start them and I'm getting pretty good at avoiding her starting anything or changing the subject. The good old do something else like she wasn't even there works wonders. She might think I'm nuts, but than again she not in a position to think anyone is nuts.

The curling always goes well so that should be no problem, and I'll get her to that pool hall somehow. At very least to the bar around the corner. Something. Ooo I just thought of another one... There's a casino in the town where the Lowes is, I'll make my way in that general direction and see if she wants to 'pop' in for a bit.

Ok, time to go read the passages for the day.

Sattle up buckaroo, see if you can buck me off now WW!

Well you are in good hands......

TMTS,

Go read this, if you haven't already...

Ark's Thread on Plan A

Mark

Just wanted to stop by and see how you were doing today, TMTS??

Thanks for all you help yesterday...

RIM

Hi RIM,

I am doing ok today. Had a nice chat with my F, and I'm out of my whiny funk from yesterday. BK gave me the 2x4 followed by Marks 4x4. I'm all splintered up and deserve it.

Getting prepped for tomorrow night Plan a extravaganza of curling and (hopefully) pool and a drink. We’ll see how it goes... NO EXPECTATIONS!!!

On that note, I just read your thread. The impression I was left with is that you’re Plan Aing with expectations. (I did the same for a while so it normal). I think that what Lala was trying to say. Look back at the last couple of weeks and see that you've probably just hit a bump; you're both at the bottom of the roller coaster hill at the same time so it's a little tenser. Vent away dear! That’s what we're here for.

Now as a manly man I got to ask you this... Do you think he ever felt like he lost you? Truly lost you. I ask because (Like believer reminded me) it sometimes takes that big of a shock to turn us around (we're not the emotionally smartest creatures) I wonder if he truly knows what he's about to give up. I know you were separated, but was that not by his choice? (Correct me here if I got it wrong). If so then he knew he was in the driver’s seat and could come back any time he wanted.

Sounds like you're doing a good Plan A just give it a little more time. Remember what he did yesterday... the note. That's where your progress is. Today was just the dip in the roller coaster ride. IMO.

Oh and ladies.... (RIM, Lala) Kum-ba-yha! LOL

WS just called me from work. He was like "those posts sound awfully familiar, don't they?" Sorry, but, I've been in that mind frame and it ain't FUN! I don't want to see her get caught up in it for as long as I did. The difference here is that they BOTH cheated...and him first! It is a short marriage (although they've been together for a long time) with no children to act as glue, especially when things get really rough. I want to see them succeed, against all the odds. That means one of them needs to change- and FAST!! Doesn't seem like it's gonna be him, that for sure! So, who does that leave? It's not about pride, yanno. It's about her love for him...their love for each other. Someone needs to go first.

Any HOO, how are you today? Glad you are doing a little better...any news?

Well still no call from mediator, noting saying I'm moving out on this day, she's excited about getting back to curling and she's coming to Lowes with me on Saturday... just normal WW fog stuff... but you know all about that. LOL (Sorry lala, that build up was so good, I just had to), so I work the plan, no LBs no expectations.

I had a real good talk with my F. That and Mark has been helping me rediscover my faith, and you know what... I don't hear anybody talking back, but I feel in my soul like I'm being listened to and that helps.

I was kidding around with my M as well that when she left I would go a pick me up some hot 25 year old massage therapist right out of college... that's when she handed me over to my f saying I was being stupid. Got a laugh out of her though. Remember dad was a WS so I get perspective from him as well.

Hey TMTS--

Yes, a rough day I am having... I don't know if you read my most recent post (rant?) just now...

You are right, I am plan A'ing with expectations. You are 100% right. And that TOTALLY isn't right-- its not plan A then. I guess it is hard to not have expectations sometimes... when things get better, even though I tell myself not to have expectations... well, sometimes they creep in there.And I guess some of my expectations come from the fact that I we are BOTH at fault here... and I guess sometimes that my own selfishness gets the best of me, and I think, HEY WAIT, HE CHEATED TOO!! AND FIRST!! Although he claims all of his were only EA (I only know about that for sure in ONE of them...). He swears there was no PA AT ALL... although I have no way of confirming that at all.... part of me honestly thinks that if he was lying he'd NEVER tell me the truth, not now....

And LaLa's got my story. I left the house in October of 2006. I moved back home in late June/early July 2007. I spent a TON of nights at home though, and actually, my hubby spent a lot of nights at my apartment. I'd say 4 nights a week we were still together, but I was still in contact with OM.. and foggy as ******. I came back home on my own accord. He didn't threaten me or anything. I was still a little foggy/in withdraw when I came home-- and it didn't help that OM WOUDLN'T GO AWAY-- even though I had asked him to. Like Lala, I got texts and stuff.... he woudln't just leave me alone. Thankfully, he has recently (although I also changed my phone number...).

I am still on for my "date" tomorrow night too!! We don't have any good pool halls around... any nice ones that aren't all skeezy at least. I've been doing some research online on fun things to do... but haven't had any really spectacular ideas yet. I would like to do something really special but also not horribly expensive.

I'll be thinking about you and your date night while I'm on mine!

And... I'm sure there were times over the past year when I had moved out that he felt he had truly lost me. I don't know though, because anytime he called me completely fed up, completely ready to give up on us... I BEGGED AND BEGGED every single time for him back..... and he would come back... and in my stupidity and fog... I just couldn't get myself out of it...

But... since I've come home.... since last June/July, I'd have to say the answer to that is NO. Well, there was one time in August I was so fed up with him and his excuses, he screamed at me it was over and he watned a divorce. I just said "fine" and let him leave. Well... so about an hour later he called me to see how a doctor's appointment I had that day went (?!?!?!), I left voice mail to get it. He called again a half hour later, for the same reason. All sweet on voice mail. Now he NEVER does things like this... call just to see how something went. I was like... hmm... so, you tell me it is over, and then you start all acting sweet??!?!

I called a friend, who told me I should just ignore him for a day or two... well I did. I got emails from him, with his HOROSCOPE in them, which happened to be something along the lines of "you shouldn't give up now, you are about at the end" or something like that.... and then more texts and more calls.... he called me in total about 10 times that day... texted me probably about 6, and even EMAILED ME. I didn't respond to a SINGLE ONE. By the end of the day, they went from being all sweet to being angry... and accusing me of being off with OM (I wasn't, I was with my friend).

Well, the next day, I still hadn't spoken to him, but I IMed him and asked if he wanted to meet for dinner to talk. I thought maybe he had learned something. Silly me. This was all before I even knew about MB....

Well at dinner he just continued the same old song and dance of he didn't know what he wanted, etc etc. I said that I was still invested if he was, etc etc. Arg.

So how's that for man behavior for you?? I didn't get that at all. So-- that is the closest he's come to "losing" me since June. And I wasn't even plan A'ing then yet.. I've gotten better at this... more in a bit, gonna have dinner with the alien, i mean, my hubby. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

RIM