Amen to that. He has no plans and he has told me that.... he took the weirdest things this time. He has no place to go no money saved for it as far as i can tell.... he is just playing it day by day. He is at a friends house for now but i am sure that will get old.

I also told his parents what happened... they don't live to far from us and love my DD a whole lot. I was inviting them over to see her this weekend if they would like so as not to keep them from her or seem like i am. His mom got really upset and i guess i shouldn't have said anything but i did. I'm sure i did that wrong too and he will be mad at me for it.

From what i can read your WW seems to be defogging at times tho. i have high hopes for you two..... again maybe that is my expectations coming out in me

Those darm expectations hey, just can't shake them sometimes. LOL

I pray and hope that you are right. AS far as i see it she is in deep deep foggy land. Maybe one day.

Remember TMTS,

You don't know what G-d is working out in her or what plans he has for YOU.

FAITH AND TRUST.....

BE STILL....

Plan A......

Thanks Queenie.... oops, I mean WARRIOR GODDESS

No Expectations, leave it in G-d's hands.

I 'Suggest' we go somewhere, but only once we are the the way out of curling. If she agrees, great, if not we come home and I plan A here.

I hope that the strength I found last night will leave a lasting impression. I am for the first time in years starting to feel like my old self.

TMTS,

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

U da man!

Mark

PS Have you read what I asked you to read yet? Have any questions? You can keep right on going through to the end of Genesis if you want.

I'm going to be gone from sometime early tomorrow until late Monday. There are a few things I'd like to point out in Genesis when I get back, so don't get too far ahead of me, OK?

I'll check my email a couple times over the weekend, but won't have time for long replies 'cause I'll be using my phone. So you gotta hang tuff! I will be checking my email tonight and before I leave tomorrow.

Hi Mark,

I lost internet connection here due to a eframe.dll\dns error. And I brought my PC to work, and we're still messing around with it. And my laptop email is through a VPN connection of which is not synced properly, so I can't get on that way.

But yes, do I ever have questions about genesis 4. Cain, Able no problem. It's the next section. Where did all these people come from? Wives popping out of nowhere???

I'm sure there are other things you want to point out, so I'll finish genesis and get my list ready.

If I get ahead, I'll jump back to the psalms and John. Ok?

Well curling went well, always does, no LBs encouraged her and said nice shot to her allot. Had a drink and got in a few little back rubs and we chatted a little. So far so good. I ask her if she's hungry and I suggest one of our favorite pubs. We like their wings. She says she did want to stay up that late because she was tired from the night before (The whole ODD, BF scenario), So I suggested we go to a fast food place, she said sure can we got Arby's. No problem...so far. We start eating and we're just making small take when she drops that WE need to call the mediator. I was cool, and said yes; call him when you’re ready. She answered "I'm ready, I just haven't had the time" I come back with... OK. It was weird because every time she mentions something like this my heart breaks a little more, but my head is giving itself hi-fives for a good reverse babble. (I think). Any how we get home and ODD asks WW to help her do her hair colour. WW starts up (Kinds cranky, because she tired and has a headache now) and tells her it's too late and that she's going to bed...well ODD lays in on her about never doing anything for her now, and a few other things, and then drops the guilt trip about leaving and not spending time together in the future. WW actually said, "you'll be with me half the time" I chuckled, because she thinks that having the girls every other week is going to be OK, and she thinks it's going to be easy. They don't respect her anymore and she's going to have a tough time with them. (I am very sad about it myself, alone half the time, it sucks, and so I'll tear the house apart and rebuild it just for fun). So I acted all nonchalant and go upstairs. I ask my ODD what going on, and they start up again (I had to hold back from laughing, I know I shouldn't but I couldn't help it). So I tell ODD that I'll help her do it. She starts laughing saying "you can't do that, you're a guy" Give me a break I tell her, it's not rocket science. WW comes back upstairs and says "Are you kicking her a$$?" (I do the discipline because I not take it from them. If they talk beck to their M it turns into a big shooting match, with me they get punished. What id WW going to do when she moves out into a small apartment and I wont be there to come and referee. Man I got to got into that place and set up a camera, it will be great entertainment)So we go in the bathroom and WW comes by, and they start up again, this time I tell ODD to please stop, and tell my WW that she can go to bad and I'll do her hair. (All calm, no LB with either of them) Mostly because I was trying not to laugh. As soon as I close the door ODD has a big smile on her face. them WW walks by and said something so ODD just snapped right back (I know it's wrong for her to talk to her M in a disrespectful way, but my WW is even more disrespectful to her, so I let ODD give it to her). Then she smiles. That's when the light bulb came on that she was doing this on purpose. I told her that she shouldn't provoke her M like that, but I don't think it did much because of the big smile on my face. I put on the gloves and coloured her hair. She just came downstairs and said I ruined it because there are a few blonde highlights left over. Too funny because she's looking at it practically in the dark.

So mission accomplished... Got a few EN's in, no LBs, got in a good reverse babble, played referee, got a good EN in with ODD. It would have been nice to go to the pub but I wasn't expecting her to go for that anyway. Tomorrow...Lowes (I asked her again if she was coming with me and she said yes, she wanted to go. Nothing to do with being with me, but I don't care, it gives me a chance to work in more if the plan.

Good job, and hang in there. Glad you helped with the hair colouring.

Be sure to tell your daughter that you have a plan.

Thanks believer. She is completely aware of the plan in detail. I've kept her in the loop. I think she see herself as the stick part, because I usually end up rescuing my WW.

The whole M now is waiting for the A to end. Some think that OM has left town, but I have no evidence of that so I continue on like he was still in town and in contact. She has said and is determined to do this move on her own with or without OM in the picture. I get told its part of the fog, but that remains to be seen.

"I think she see herself as the stick part"

I'm sure she does. Nothing like a 14 year old daughter.

My ex and I raised 8 kids together - my 2 sons, and his 5 daughters and son. The girls were the hardest by far.

The bad part is that she enjoys getting into it with her M, especially now. On top pf that she's got her F's character... a smart a$$ with a quick wit, so can hold her own with her. With me it's different, we're too much alike and I don't take it do it ends pretty quick...usually. I'll engage her sometimes until she gets disrespectful, then I put my foot down.

(((((TMTS)))))

Way to go.....Nice job tonight on the whole Plan A. I am so proud of you. I finally caught up on your life. Sorry I have been MIA, but you know how that goes. I also returned to work this week and with WS having power cord, well, hopefully I can keep more up to date with you.

Have you done flowers?? Does she like them? If so, pick some up tomorrow. You could say "I thought these would brighten your day" or something like that. Just a suggestion, of course you must do this with NO EXPECTATIONS.

I tell you though, there is no way I could continue on my Plan A if WS was still living here. Heck, I would be so stressed out and full of anxiety, you all would have had me commited by now. It is nice to get a "breather" from all of it, and to be able to think and go over my plan when he is not here.

I also liked your reverse babble...I have to really get better at that one.

Anywho, it sounds like you are doing good. I like your comment earlier about learning about R and M and how this will make you a better partner with whomever it would be with. I COMPLETELY agree that if things don't work out with M, the next one will have to get on board with MB principles. I have learned so much about nurturing and protecting M's here, no way am I going to trade that in now....

Anyway, good luck at Lowe's tomorrow.

Not2fun

PS...Did my laundry make it to your house yet???

You sound like a wonderful dad. I used to be the peacemaker between my ex's 15 year old (oh, yeah, they get worse at 15), and her dad. She and I got along fine, but the two of them could hardly be in the same room together.

I used to tell her she could think whatever she wanted, but it better not come out of her mouth.

We had the famous Bible study night where she said something very disrespectful, and her dad lunged across the table at her. The Bible went flying, the diningroom table broke, and all the boys' eyes were as big as saucers. We laugh about it now. There is nothing like a young teenage girl.

This ordeal has drawn me closer to them that's for sure. I must say that using the MB concepts with your kids works quite well too. I have been a better dad in the last few month, someone has to be sane arrond here.

tmts

Although you may not ever hear it from your DD's lips, as a high school teacher for over 20 years, I can tell you that you will be known as the "cool dad" (because you helped her color her hair-definitely not a typical "dad" activity-which is what makes it cool) with her friends at school.

Way to go!

I guess that will be better that what they think now... which is nuts. Whenever I drive them to a dance now I have a standard lecture I give them...

It goes like this.

"Girls, you know the rules... No hands up the shirts or down the pants. Remember I will check all pupils and breaths when I pick you up, be careful, have fun, love you."

They giggle their A$$ off. Usually they do a sleepover at our place, so when we get home I check breaths and pupils. The new ones thing I've lost my mind, that rest laugh.

I learnt a valuable lesson about hair colour tonight. Don’t get rid of the gloves until you’re sure you’re finished… that stuff burns man!

LOL,

You are a GREAT DAD. Your Plan A is going great as I see.

One thing I caught earlier up where you said I hope. Would you suppose that any time you and I say to ourselves or on here I hope - it's an expectation?

Just a thought. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Just think of all the NEW things you are learning in life as a result of this. What a blessing to NOW KNOW you need to hold onto those gloves UNTIL you are DONE.

All flippant aside, look at what is happening to you and your relationships. Like JT and so many others say - G-d will turn this into good, we just have to be still to see and experience it.

I'm praying and thinking about ya.

Good timing on this... I was just thinking the same thing while posting to someone else. I think it a fine line between the two. I differentiate the two (Right or wrong) by telling myself that when I react that’s a clear expectation, when I don't and vent here, that's hope.

I HOPE that makes sense.



LOL, ya really. We had fun with it (Once she stopped the "daddy your doing it wrong, you missed this spot and that" This morning she thinks it looks just fine.

I'm as still as Yoda. LOL - I'm feeling the force

Good job TMTS! You did great last night...with the alien, AND with your daughter. How is the youngest handling all this..?

I am in really bad pain again today, so I won't be on much. Have fun at Lowe's!

Well this morning WW is as close to being like W as I have seen in months. This will mean a little change to the Lowes plan. I got up with a headache this morning and the caring part of her came out (She has always been this way). Asking if I wanted anything, offering to drive ODD to get her hair cut then to friends place saying "I'm doing it for you, because I'm still update at ODD" I told her that I'm ok to bring her but she insisted because I had a headache. I needed coffee cream, so I walked around the corner and got stuff for supper too (I shouldn't do that on an empty stomach...anybody like pulled pork sandwiches... ummmm)
Anyhow, I get home she sees that I got stuff for supper today and tomorrow, and then she gave my side a little rub! Like I know your head hurts so thanks for taking care of getting supper. She hasn't touched me like that in a couple of months.

So by now your wondering what any of this has to do with the plan... it doesn’t. LOL, it's just that I now know that there is still genuine care for me. She may say she's not "in love" with me but is struggling to detach herself. (Mrs. W. eluded to that a couple of times).

Ok, why a change to the plan... well I had problems with the home PC a couple of days ago and I brought it to work because we have all the software tools we need over there to diagnose it properly. So her and ODD were giving me a hard time because they couldn't play the SIMS. So we kid around for a bit, and guitar hero comes up. She says again that she needs to try it... hence the change in plans. She is dropping off ODD then we are going to play it together when she gets back, so we go to Lowes later. I'm thinking I'll delay the flowers until tomorrow and pick them up after my YDDs curling.

For the first time I feel like I've got the set up right. Her king is venerable and I just got her queen. If and when she leaves, the foundation is set in her mind that this is a good place and I am worth giving another chance.( I know this is mostly wishful thinking) So I continue on the same path, flowers, weekly letter, meet EN for affection and conversation.

Oh ya, nothing on the recorder yet. I found a different spot under the dash that gives me a clearer recording, but the only calls on there is to the neighbor, to her M and here at home.

I feel like I'm on the horse and they are ready to open the gate. Giddy up cowboy!!!

Lala – Sorry you’re hurting. I can’t imagine.

My YDD is much more in a sad state but hides it allot better. I though she was doing not too bad until I saw a little craft that she made. At the top she’s got it titled, “Mommies moving” then below she taped a picture of WW, a note that says I love you Mommy, a second note that says Love M, and a frowning smiley with tear in it’s eyes. And she thinks that all will be fine!!!