LOL, It's like a sculpture where you chip away little by little. With every post you learn a little more. Mind I'm using this as my journaling as well so.... but yes that wasa good laugh. I'm doing alright today though. just got the wheels to stop a little while ago. I've done all I can and got a few more days to keep doing it, after that it's in her hands.

That brings up an excellent point. Sometimes I feel like I'm addicted to this website. I find myself falling behind at work, etc. b/c I spend so much time here.

This worries me b/c I have an addictive personality (only thing WW every argued about was gambling addiction I used to have....kicked it before we got M, but she still claims that's the big reason she left).

Anyone ever have to pull back from this website b/c of how much they were relying on it? I don't want to fall back into an addiction to something....and sometimes I feel that's what I'm doing.

TMTS, are you this type of a personality by chance? Just curious b/c I'm doing what you are.....living on here.

I can quit any time I want...

I can quit any time I want...Really...

I can quit any time I want... Really I can...


(Had to change those because the software wouldn't let me just post the same things over and over...)

Mark

Dang! This is addictive, isn't it?

Mark

Oh yes, I find that I'm on here way too much. But I also find that whenever I do I feel better about myself and my sitch. Even if it's just for venting or whining or passing ideas by poeple.

ROFL!!!!

Hit me!

TMTS, I feel the exact same way....it always makes me feel better. Talking to WW's family and friends always makes me feel better too. Then I talk to WW and I take a nose dive!

Everything in moderation...right?

I, like you, sort of use this as a journal too...so that's another side of it I guess.

We just have to be careful to not spend time on here we should be spending with family, friends (real life friends) and even our spouses.

This is especially true if recovery ever starts. Last thing you need is a still foggy spouse saying "You spend all your time with those people on that website and ignore me all night."

Mark (I can quit any time I want... )

I'm sorry, but you're in denial ... your written words say one thing, but your actions/results indicate the opposite.

Right now, you and ILA are feeding off of each others lack of effort/results to justify your own situations.

As I said, "it's your life" ... you have every right to act in whatever way you think is in your best interests. However, when you lay it out here looking for support for the path you've chosen, then as a fellow BH, I have the same right to let you know that I simply couldn't live with the level of disrespect and humiliation that you and ILA "choose" to accept/endure.

With that said, as a fellow BH, I'm still pulling for you both because even though I think you're contributing to the current status of the situation, you didn't deserve to be unilaterally placed here by your WW. So when I say, GOOD LUCK TO YOU ... I truly mean it. We can disagree on tactics and still be on the same side of this issue.

Aaaahhh, ya gotta love MyRev..although, sometimes I wish he would just tell us how he feels. You know, really let it all out... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

And Mark...you are soooo silly! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

MR, What actions do you think would be appropriate, you mention being proactive, and I'm all for it. What would you suggest?
And I do appriciate your input. If you think I'm in denial, help snap me out of it.

TMTS....

How's it going???? Personally, (and Lord knows I am not expert....) I think you should stick to the plan Jennifer gave you (just like Mark said). I know its hard, Lord knows I know it is hard. But you have done great thus far in the race, you don't want to putter at the end.

Also, you are worrying too much about what is going on in WS head and heart. Don't worry about it. In fact, I would suggest not talking to the neighbor for a couple of days. I know she supports you, you know she supports you, but I think you are letting your emotions and actions be feed over what is going on over there. Let us take care of you and let your neighbor take care of WS.

I don't mean to sound harsh (and you may go my sitch and be as harsh as you want, because I am guilty of the same thing....lol..except this just ain't funny), but I just been keeping up with your thread and this is the pattern I am seeing.

Keep your chin up, and for pete's sake, GET BACK ON THAT TREADMILL.....you don't want those new shirts to go to waste now do you???

not2fun

Thanks Not,

Harsh, that's not harsh. I'm wating for MyRev to kick my butt here at any time now. And I welcome it, you guys know that this is what I respond to best, my own little bit of tough love.

You know that my big thing is the same as yours, expectations.

I would agree TMTS....I spend too much time worrying about what WW is thinking and doing. I spend too much time worrying about what her family and friends are thinking and doing also. It's like I'm trying to keep everyone up to speed on everything that's going on. I said this, WW said this, I did this, WW did this...........I'm finally starting to realize that I have to worry about ME and the rest will just happen. It helps to have info. and keep people in your corner, but I think we both over-analyze a lot!

I'm obviously far from an expert, but I'm starting to buy into all of that. Courage to change what you can, serenity to accept what you cannot, knowledge to know the difference......right MR ??

What I would do is irrelevant to your situation, and it probably isn't MB compliant anyway ... plus you have already passed that point, as I simply would not have allowed my WW to stay in the marital home while still actively in the A. I have too much self respect to allow myself to be humiliated like that. She would go NC, move out or we would go directly to Plan D. I gave my wife an ultimatum within 15 minutes of discovery ... I knew nothing of MB at that time, but even if I had, I would have done the same thing.

I'm a firm believer that not all M's are worth saving and not all WW are worth keeping.

However, back to your situation ... It just seems to me that when you present yourself as a strong, confident man, (think of the OTB night out) your WW takes notice, but when you get clingy, whiney, and start playing all of these WW said, Neighbor said, OM said, what should I do kinds of games, she loses respect for you and you're back to square one.

Why are you holding onto this information about OM having a new live in GF??? Do something with this info ... confront the OM, tell your WW about the new GF, take your WW to his house and show her if she doesn't believe you, have the neighbor confirm the story, but do something with this powerful info.

Your WW is being PLAYED by a world-class slime-ball, he's keeping her around as his own Plan B. She may not respect herself enough to just say no, but what if you confronted OM about this with your WW present ... even if you just called him on the phone with her on the extention, and made him confess.

I got our OM, who was a player also, on the phone first thing the next morning (he lived 3 states away), with my WW on the other line, and she got to hear first hand how easily he tossed her aside and cut & ran to save his own sorry [censored] ... it buckled her knees to hear just how cheap he viewed her and foolish she was for falling for his BS.

You simply can't let a POS like him have any quarter. If it had been necessary, and I still fantasize about it at times, I would have drove the 500 miles and been waiting for him at his office the next morning ... I simply wasn't rational and WW had told him enough about me to where he knew he didn't want 6'5" and 250 lbs worth of pissed off hillbilly husband anywhere near him.

I understand that what I've described is probably not the MB way, but its my way and it worked for me. I may have taken it to the extreme, but I'm a firm believer that in a situation like this, you simply have to do it yourself, and take a proactive stance.

My WW had convinced herself that I didn't care about her, and when she saw me act irrationally (fight for my WW after what she had done), in the face of an irrational situation, on top of the OM bolting like a scared rabbitt, it jolted her out of her fantasy enough to realize that I really did love her, and was willing to fight for her if necessary, and she gained a new appreciation for the depth of my committment to her. Her feelings for me had always been there, she just felt unappreciated, and now that she had been shown my commitment, we had a solid foundation to rebuild upon.

There still seems to be that same basic foundation between your WW and you, she may just need to know that you'll go to the mat for her if necessary to protect her from herself. At least you will maintain you own self-respect and can look at yourself in the mirror with some measure of pride, rather than simply wondering what you "should" have done.

You asked for it, and I'm done preaching now. I hope there is something in there that you can find truth in and stay focused without wavering. Hopefully, its at least worth considering

You may not believe it, but I really am pulling for you and all the BH's out there. I just go about it a little more forcefully than most.

Precisely !!! ... and believe me, there's a lot we as BH's can change, about ourselves and what we will accept.

I must say I would have to agree with MR in your situation TMTS...sounds like you're in more control of your situation than you realize. I think you've got more of a hold on your WW than I do so I would think that you can be a little more forceful. But, then again, I'm just a rookie so what do I know? I like MR's take on SHOWING your WW what a slime ball he is. That's where I think you have a great advantage. Now, that doesn't necessarily go with the plan A line, but if you are getting closer to a plan B anyway.......hmmmmm.

See, for me, I think if I get too forceful my WW is just going to run off with OM. I feel like she's baiting me into being more forceful so she can make me out to be psychotic and controlling and validate her relationship with OM. I think she's seen that I'm going to stand up to her/for her....but I have to be careful. If I just kick her out of my life too soon (plan B) I think she will be content to stay with OM and not give a damn about me anymore.

This sounds stupid for me to say, but I don't know that OM is a slimeball in my case. I was becoming good buddies w/ him prior to knowing any of this. I think he's simply just as foggy and f'ed up as WW is. OM is in the EXACT same situation in his marriage as my WW so they are just feeding off each other's foggy brains. Of course now I hate the MF'er but I don't know that he knows what he's doing either.....if that makes any rational sense at all.

Anyway, I don't know that I can be quite as forceful b/c I'll force WW further into a relationship with someone I think she MAY actually be able to be happy with. TMTS, I think you know how much of an idiot the OM is in your sit. and you probably can stand to play that card a little more aggressively. Set up the pins and let him roll the gutterball!

There, now maybe MR will whip my [censored] for being soft and not take it all out on you!!!

Hey, I learn something new everyday and I don't know that any of us have all the answers. Great insight from ALL. Just my 2 cents worth here.

MyRev, hey you’re getting soft on me. LOL

Thanks I do appreciate the tough love approach. From what I've read of your posts you are the tough love master.

I should have taken a picture of the look on her face when she saw me come in after that night out. It was almost as priceless as the look she had when I told her that I just went out for a couple of drinks and didn't offer any more info.

As for the POS she does know the whole GF story, but doesn't have a clue that I know about it. Don’t know if she talked to him or not.

Ok, now time to work on the bod. I get your point...stop thinking and start doing