It seems a lot of us here live in no-fault divorce land. I just can't get past how the laws that govern us can be so bloody unfair. And I don't think anyone has any idea until it happens to them. In my jurisdiction, it can be summed up as follows:

1. Each spouse gets 50% of everything regardless of whether there as adultery or abuse. In other words, your lyin' cheatin' WS can rip your heart out, stomp all over your marriage and still be entitled to half of everything.

2. Adultery isn't even considered a factor as far as custody and child care goes. So even a lying' cheatin' serial WS can parade OP after OP in and out of the kids lives and still not affect custody - as if this behavior doesn't have an effect on the child's well being.

3. The BS has to make concession after concession to make sure points 1 and 2 are satisfied, despite the fact that they held up their end of the marriage contract.

In regular business, if one party broke the contract, they would be liable to the other. Why is this not so in marriage?

How the heck did these laws come to be what they are??? And does anybody who is NOT a BS (or WS) know? Because it just seems flat out wrong to me.

Sorry for the vent. Anybody have some cheese to go with my whine?

I was told by an attorney in Texas that if adultery can be proven, the division of community property becomes 90/10 in favor of the betrayed spouse. This was 7 years ago...I don't know if it is still true today.

Don't apologize. You're absolutely right. It is grossly unfair, not to mention, flat out wrong. You can only hope the offending spouse pulls out into the path of a cement truck on a rainy day while alone in the car on the way to the OM house with his birthday present. Now that is my idea of 'just deserts.

Absolutely! People ought to be sued for breaking their wedding vows. I don't understand why some of us get subjected to such sever punishment through no fault of our own.

Even then, it depends on what county and judge you get, especially in Texas.

BTW I was grateful to get close to a 50/50 split. I make almost twice as much as XWH and was told by one lawyer that I might have to take most of the bills even though he was expecting to get a large sum of money from another lawsuit after D. Spousal support can also be requested if you are married more than 10 years in Texas. Thankfully, he filed for D at 9 years and 4 months.

Fbwidow, I also make almost twice as much as WSTBX and the lyin' cheatin' piece of **** actually had the nerve to ask for spousal support!!!!! Fortunately for me, he was in such a hurry to move in with OW that he settled without it. In my jurisdiction, spousal support can be awarded to the one who makes less money and, naturally, they don't give a crap if that was the person who broke the vows.

Once upon a time divorce was something that was hard to get. Now it is easy, cheap and completely in favour of the WS who not only gets half the wealth, but they get to move in with an OP and continue living on 2 incomes while the BS gets raked across the coals emotionally, financially and is left with all the responsibilities on their own.

All I want to know is WHY???????!!!!!!!!

Tabby1 - I live in a "no-fault" state, BUT my attorney advises that I the BS could end up w/LESS than 50%. That's why they suggest I not D WH...Just live my life..yeah, maybe they should try putting up w/his tramps and arrogance !!! It aint pretty...

IMHO I think the 50/50 came about, becoz judges don't want to be the ones trying to divide assets, liabilities, based on how the M was broken.

My WH strongly believes that I should get NOTHING. and I mean absolutely NOTHING...Talk about arrogant..He believes that he alone created our financial strength. That I M him because of his job/money ???? Hello, he was a store manager, w/ child support payments and braces to pay for....He did not have MONEY..
He moved up thru the ranks and (we now own a franchise) after our M. I have worked at the business since it opened.

One of his BIMBO's even said that to me, "you came from nothing, you should get nothing". and then she said, "why would you even want to work there after the D?" Let's see, I left my old job to be a part of "our business" - so I should start from the bottom because of his many OW???If this bimbo had even a 1/2 of a brain, she'd wonder how long it would take before he spoke to/of her in this same arrogant manner !!!

As for "regular business" and a contract being broken - we have a partnership agreement - If I was not his wife and I was a regular business male partner with him, I would have done something legally long ago, he jeopardized the business by having A's with employees...WRONG...WRONG....I tried many times, to explain that "we" could be looking at one heck of a lawsuit..Not Mr. Entitlement..Hey, they were more than willing..and he always was one to "jump on an opportunity" LOL....

D is not fair anyway you look at it..

Hugs

So which are the fault states, and can one move there, establish residency, and then file for divorce?

- WG

My lying, cheating POS stbxw tried for spousal support and it got denied.

However the judge has ordered us to come to an agreement before he will see us again.

She thinks thst she should get EVERYTHING including ALL of my retirement and I pay for the house because I "humiliated" her when I exposed her fornication.

She has rejected every offer I have presented and he has ordered her to take the last one I gave her or else he will decide for himself which offer I made was fair.

She thinks because SHE filed for divorce, it should go in her favor.

Well, Canada is a no-fault divorce state. The only saving grace is that they allow you to make up your own separation agreements if you can. By doing this, I was able to get more than 50% but that was mainly because I did it quickly. I was extremely lucky in that the OWH found out about the A before I did and had already begun the process. When I found out, I was such a train wreck there was no way I could have done anything legal like that. But when I finally snooped out and met OWH, he actually helped me to do it (my SA is essentially the same as his but with my stuff listed). W-STBXH was in so much of a hurry he was willing to sign anything to get away. Not 3 days later he decided he gave me too much money towards DS's tuition. He has been hounding me ever since but it is a legal document. In this jurisdiction, he can still take me to court for the rest of his 50% but his chances of winning are slim to none.

I feel bad for those who don't have someone who knows exactly what to do at the right time. I'm not sure how long it would have taken for my brain to function well enough on its own to be able to do it myself.

Which is again why this no-fault thing should change! The WS has the entire time of their A, which could be months to years, to pull themselves emotionally out of the M, figure out what they want and plan for it. The BS goes from being happily married to devastated in one minute and then, in their traumatized state, has to do all the figuring and planning, while still under torture of the WS.

Well, my divorce is now all but over.

She won, I lost, OM won.

At least I can start all over again with a new found scepticism for women and the "church" who abandoned me and enabled her evil.

Oh yeah, and a general disdain for attorneys.

They take your money and do nothing while you are pummeled.

We're on the same page Pariah. What also makes me sick is what does this tell the younger generation? Basically the laws are in favour of the liars and cheats. If they get a whiff of honour in somebody, they chew them up and spit them out. Sad.

I am in a fault divorce state: NC.

Adultery mainly makes a difference in the issue of spousal support, where if the adulterer makes more money, alimony or a greater division of assets applys (if adulterer makes less money, they may not get alimony). Also hoping WH has to pay my atty fees. We don't have a settlement yet.

This is one of the few states you can sue an Other Person, but it's hard to prove (and it would cost more in atty fees than I could get out of latest Bimbo).

I agree no-fault SUCKS!!! No-fault seems to have appeared with the "free love" movement---free to love, free to dump, free to "pursue happiness" no matter who you hurt or how! Divorces skyrocketed after no-fault instituted.

Sorry for your pain,
J

What caused no-fault divorce were adulterous politicians, lawyers and judges who covered there rears in the name of keeping the couples from tearing each other apart in divorce court.

A good read on the subject:
Dr Harley: Defending Traditional Marriage
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6027_dtm.html

The problem really stems from legislation introduced in essence to help women be able to Leave marriages in which they could not actually prove issue. Such as abuse, infidelity, etc. Before this, it was very difficult for an abused, neglected woman to leave a marriage. Their husbands could do whatever they wanted, and the women could do little about it. The law was strongly pushed by women's rights groups in the 1970s and 1980s.

The sad thing is that it is NOW the women who will most often suffer. Sometimes it isn't always best to get what you want.

I was going to say that some of these changes may have come as an outgrowth of the women's movement. Connected to the idea of equality. Yeah, like I'm ever gonna earn what he will.

I earn nearly double what W-STBXH does and it doesn't feel any better. I can understand laws making it possible to GET OUT of a terrible marriage - as a woman I can support this and as a human it makes sense. BUT - why is there no penalty whatsoever for the adulterer/abuser? I have had 2 marriages and I've had one of each. Neither one suffered any consequences whatsoever for what they did. What's worse, my OWH just lost his custody hearing to OW - judge didn't see anything wrong with her leaving town behind his back and why the heck should he have any visitation with his DD despite being a great dad that picked her up from school everyday AND despite the fact that CAS has been called in because of some of the lewd behavior W-STBXH engages in while she is present. It just sucks.

BTW, W-STBXH keeps calling me despite me calling him and throwing a first class psycho fit on him last week (not his fault but I hate him enough to vent his way). I'm just such a mess.

so, don't call him. When you call and pitch a psycho-raging fit, what message do you send him? If you rage at him, how do you expect him to communicate w/ you? What message does that send your son?

jenny: Im not sure NC is a fault state... a lawyer told me otherwise. But I did learn that is a state that allows for suing based on alienation of affection.

This all started with California in the 60s and almost all states have followed suit. We need to go back to the way it was but do you think that there are any politicians that would support this? Most of them have been divorced.

Have to add another item to the list of unjustices in divorce law. OWH was taking OW to court because she was messing around his visitation of their DD. OW stalled and stalled using a variety of tactics (including having her lawyer ignore his etc.) while she went behind his back and bought a house in another city. She did not inform him until 2 weeks before they (my STBX and OW) were moving. He tried to get an emergency hearing but couldn't get it until the day after the move. OWH requested to the judge that DD still stay in her current school until it could be resolved since OW works in his city and would be driving there every day anyway - he has picked up DD and cared for her after school since she began school. Judge said, no it's too late they've already moved. Judge said there was no way there would ever be a shared custody agreement anyway since OW has a stable family (i.e. STBX, or OWH's OM) and despite the fact that Children's Aid has been called in on them for having sex in front of the DD, it's much better than a little girl being with a single man!!!!!! Judge said for OWH and OW to work out their own visitation schedule, including over the holidays. If they can't do that, they can go back to court.

So OWH was in way too much shock to agree to anything that day. The judge did mention that 3 weekends a month would be fair but left it to them to decide. She said she would send him something. So she did and guess what - NO weekends at all, just after school 2 days a week (on days when she and STBX can't get back to her city from work in time to pick DD up). He can't do this. For starters, OWH drives a 20 year old car - OW got the new car in the settlement. He works 5 min from home so the car suits him fine. But it won't make the trip back and forth to this other city. Also, to get to the school in time, he has to leave work early. He had gone to his boss to see if it would be ok to leave 3 days a month for the 3 weekends the judge has suggested (for some crazy reason he actually thought she would agree to it). The boss reluctantly agreed but said no more than that. So OW said if he can't do it, he can't have any visitation whatsoever.

Not only that, she is barely letting him see his DD over the holidays. She has also stated that he will never EVER see her on any Christmas, New Years or any other occassion ever in the future. She says that she won the court case and so she gets the say. She says that even the judge said that her, STBX and DD are the family and therefore OWH needs to go away and never be seen or heard from again.

Obviously OWH is going to take this back to court. But his confidence is completely shattered after the first hearing. It says in every document that can be found under Canadian law that they will do everything in the child's best interest, yet the child wasn't even considered in this whole mess. And the fact that the legal system views and over-sexed adulterous situation more "stable" than a responsible single dad is absolutely ludicruous. I'm just dumbfounded at the society I live in. Completely dumbfounded.