I know that some of you guys may not like me, but could you please put that aside for now and help me help Sinkingin?

I don't know why I care about her situation so much, but whatever the reason behind it is, it's all good intentions.

Sexymamabear, she doesn't have the strength you had, could you please give her some advice? Here is her post:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...e=0#Post3320061

Thank you in advanced.

BA

Where did you learn your advice that it is right to manipulate the children victims of infidelity to "sides" in an infidelity crisis ?

Where did you get your data that it is "rare for them to side with OW" ?

Thanks in advance for your answers.

The best help you could give sinkingin,or anyone, is the absence of your unsupported, clueless homilies IMO.

No, I didn't ask her to manipulate her children. She's saying that she feels like she's not only losing her husband, but also losing her kids too because they like the OW. If they know the truth (and that's NOT manipulation), they should be on their mom's side and not liking the OW.

Do I really need to produce data to show that children side with their mom more often than with their dad's mistress?

Can we now focus on sinkingin, please.

I deleted it, not the mods.

So your advice is informed only by your opinion , right ? No experience, no research...nothing ?

I won't "stop" until you see why so many seasoned posters are against your kind of advice, BA. It may even be well intentioned but it is UNINFORMED OPINION when people need proven techniques, such as the marrigebuilders basic principles, and them worked through people's personal experience.

Your advice is deeply unhelpful because much of the RIGHT things to do feel so very uninstinctive to hurting desperate people.

Your "street wisdom" is in line with what they FEEL like doing which is almost never the right thing for marrigebuilding.

In this case, manipulating the children "to your side against OW" is potentially disastrous if there is a custody evaluator involved at any time in the future, should custody and visitation ever be discussed formally, did you know that ?

Not to mention the tug-of-love such an action will cause already traumatised kids.

See, BA, your advice can HURT even if you do not intend it to because it is uninformed.

BA,

I will read through her post when I have the time to get through it all. I can't focus on such a long post right now, as I am doing 3 different things at once.

Oh, BTW, I am NOT a vet. I am maybe just leaving the novice stage... If there are vets posting to her already, she is hearing what she needs. (It just might not be what you think she needs.)

OK, I just took a look and saw many vets over there. She's in good hands. Those people know MBer better than me, BA.

Thank you, sexymamabear, that's all I'm asking for. Her post has been ignored to certain extent and no one has posted on it for weeks and it fell to page 7. I'm so glad that she's still around.

But for whatever reason, these vets stopped posting and if I didn't bring her post up, she would probably just stay away.

SHE stopped posting. And if I remember from what I read weeks ago, she wasn't taking the advice given here from the people who know MBers. Or perhaps, she was confused by your contradicting advice.

I find your interest in my posting to her odd. Weeks ago (before I posted to anyone), you wanted me to post to her and even furnished the link. Now today, you do this again.

You know I consider you a troll, THE troll who targeted my FWS.

I don't have all the pieces on you yet. I find you wanting me to post to sinkin...very...odd.

SMB, I find my desire to help sinkingin odd too, but that's how it is, I can't explain it.

*****EDIT************

That is not what I said. I said that I find "your interest in my posting to her" odd.

I think BA is quickly moving from troll to "stalker".

I can't explain why, but I hope this does not discourage you from helping her.

Puleeeeze.....let me put my boots on first.

I can read you like a book, you troll. I am willing to bet that you are one of the trolls that have been causing a lot of dissension around here lately. And now, you are coming back to do it again PRETENDING to help other people when you are clearly not. And why? You started this thread in your suttle little sick way to say that we are abandoning the people who needs us. And what SMB said is true, that poster wasn't taking the advice and she left the thread.

You're not even a smart troll. If you're going to troll, at least get better at it.

PM,

I already felt that way about it all. It just too creepy.

I can. See my above post.

Any chance the troll could be one of our FWS's OW?

I am not going to respond to any negative comment toward me. I just want people to help sinkingin.

This is all freakin' me out.

BA, do you know me IRL?