My fiance's ex-wife who has done everything in her power to destroy me personally and our relationship has now sent a holiday gift basket to my home. With her best wishes for love and happiness in the new year...Is that weird? I don't want the gift basket and I do not understand why she continues to these weird things. UGH!!!
Anyone have any suggestions?

Have it x-rayed, like suspicious Halloween candy?

Jayne..thanks! I don't want anything to do with her in our home. She is bi-polar and the entire year he and I have dated has been just filled with her evilness. ....I'd like to take it to her doorstep and drop it off to her.

You could re-gift it...

What's in it? If it's cool stuff I'll take it off your hands for a small fee! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

FG,

I hope you don't mind my asking, but were you in a relationship with this man WHILE he was married? Or before his legal divorce?

Sweet

ss,

You beat me to it.

The simple answer is yes. He was separated when I began dating him but not legally divorced.
There's lots to the dynamics.
She is bi-polar and although I don't know a lot about that, it's apparent she has mood swings.
Their divorce was messy...she wanted everything and is the queen of calling him almost weekly.
One minute I'm a ******, and the next day she's sending me a gift basket with love.
UGH

fishgirl,

Try to understand her animosity towards you. You were dating her husband. Separated is not divorced. Any chance of them getting back together may have been squandered by his dating you.

It's easy to suspect that the two of you were having an affair based on what little info you have provided so far. That is my current perception of your sitch, if it matters.

The gift basket could be anything from a peace offering to a gift of sarcasm. Enjoy it, return it or pass it on.

Dear Fishgirl,

Here is what you should do with the giftbasket: Donate it to a hospital or charity.

Then, pick up a pen and some paper, and write your fiance's ex-wife a letter of apology and gratitude.

First you should apologize for dating her husband while he was still married, which constituted adultery. This is a "simple answer." Dynamics, Shnymamics ... anything else is baloney.

Second of all, you are going to thank her for giving you a glimpse into the world that you would have with your fiance if you were to actually marry the shmuck.

a) To begin with, all ex-husbands-to-be who want to date while separated have "crazy wives who must be bipolar or something" because they're dating while actually married. This is because dating while married will make your wife crazy. This is exactly what you can expect him to do, once you have been married a little while and he finds you a little irritating, and would like to start seeing someone else on the side;

b) If she was savvy enough to "want everything" then she's not nuts;

c) If she's this persistent after they're actually divorced, then you should expect to find her to be still continually involved in your lives -- So if THIS is what you want, you should continue your engagement -- and if NOT -- RECONSIDER.

Do you really want this woman in your life permanently? Because she will be.

Do you really want to marry a man who will leave a woman because she has a mental illness? Think this over carefully. Depression and other psychiatric problems are MUCH more prevalent in women than in men. Is he really that much of a prize?

I disagree. If he was separated 3 months before they started dating, then the dating was a bad idea. If he was separated 3 years, and he had filed for divorce at the beginning of the separation, then I don't see that it was wrong.

Fishgirl, you really need to provide more information on the dynamics. Also, are there children involved?

Personally, I would take it at face value and send her a nice note of thanks.

One word of caution: YOu've been dating a year. You're now engaged. I'd take some time before marrying this man. First, I'd make sure his take on his first marriage is fairly accurate. I'm a little concerned about a man who goes from being separated to being engaged in 12 months, or even 14 months. I'd look carefully at what went wrong in his first marraige, why, and what he has learned from it. If all he learned was not to marry someone with Bipolar disorder, I'd proceed with extreme caution.

I agree that there's a difference in how long someone's been separated and whether both parties believed the marriage was over.

I am disturbed by the bipolar comment. If his ex even is bipolar, then it's a condition she had when she met him and when they married. Whether it was diagnosed or not at the time, the same types of behaviors would have been present. For it to become the "reason" for the divorce is something I always have a hard time swallowing.

I have some good friends who are bipolar. Struggling with a disease doesn't mean that they're bad people or unworthy of being loved and respected. It can make them inclined to react to things in inappropriate ways, but a bit of understanding goes a long ways.

Please take note of how he describes her disorder. If he's showing contempt about it, there's a very good chance that some day he'll be using your own weaknesses in the same way.

I apologize for the delay. I am way more familiar with MB than I should be. I used to be here several years ago under a different name and 99% of my time on the board was under the pregnancy/child forum.

As for our dating and relationship...yes, it's too quick. We're not really engaged per se, I just called it that because it doesn't sound as sinful as saying 'my live in boyfriend'.... One thing I have learned over the years is that when you post you have to be prepared for whatever...

He did not divorce her because she is bi-polar. He spent many years trying to get her to a doctor, trying to get counseling, etc. He is by nature a very compassionate man. I think I have more trouble dealing with her mood swings than he does. He is the one who filed for divorce, however, as we all know on the MB website that there are MANY reasons for divorce.

Yes, I know our dating consistutes adultery even though they were separated. I know that. I know in my heart that I did not cause their demise. I also know how it 'looks'.

I don't want her gift basket. My first thought was to return it to her. I laugh because two days before she sent the gift basket she put up a no trespassing sign on her property, wrote him a text message which said she no longer wanted any contact between the two of them and everything should go through her lawyer although the divorce is long over.

Today, the gift basket seems small and insignificant in my life...yesterday was just a weird day.

by the way...how would I get my old sign on name back?

My GF is going to send my stbxw a thank you card for being such a stupid biatch.

I found myself...Angelia....haha! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Not to threadjack or mock your pain, but seeing that W-STBXH and OW are moving into their new house TODAY and Christmas is just around the corner, perhaps I should send HER a gift basket (housewarming/Christmas present)? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA (evil twisted icon needed here)!!!!!

OK, back to your regularly scheduled program.

(phew - that felt good)

The proper housewarming present would be a molitov.

That would be a house warming cocktail Pariah! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />


BTW: FWIW: I like the idea of giving it to a hospital or nursing home. I might mean the world to someone there and it would no longer be in your presense for you to comtemplate the senders meaning.

Hopefully a win win for all.

I agree. I'd still send a thank you note. It's polite. Plus, if she was being sarcastic, it has the added benefit of making her wonder if you're being sarcastic. If she was being sincere, she'll take your note as sincere, and peace may yet reign.

Maybe it's a present to say thank you for taking him off her hands.

I sometimes wonder what I'd say if I found out X was marrying GF. Congratulations wouldn't be appropriate because I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Would "God Bless You" or "God Help You" sound too bad?