How can my WH prove to me that what we have together is special...I'm talking, sex life, fun side, family life etc.

Is it normal of me to ask that he tell me more often what he likes or loves about me, my body, my personality, what it means to him to make love to me etc?

I know that this stuff is quite foreign to him and he's not very experienced at opening up, let alone talking about his 'feelings' or his 'thoughts'. It usually requires me prompting him by saying 'do you think i'm pretty' or 'was that good for you?'. I hate doing this but it seems that it's the only way I can get any verbal reaffirmation.

Men out there, any tips or ideas for my WH??

The best place to start is reading His Needs Her Needs by Dr. Harley, and then both of you fill out the emotional needs questionnaire. Sit down together and share the information from the questionnaire (in a loving, positive way--share your need, not how they have beening failing for years on meeting that need.)

Jennifer, from our counseling, had us each make a bulletted list of HOW to meet each of our top five needs so that we would know how to hit the mark for our spouse. For example, my husband loves for me to wave goodbye to him in the morning...it's his need for affection.

Have you two read this book and completed the questionnaires?

We both completed the questionnaire provided on this website..it was quite interesting. we have discovered each others needs however it's not always easy to action them if you are really stepping out of 'your box'. This is where my husband is at. he feels silly saying certain things to me.

Did your H have an affair?

And Storm:

The key is to FOCUS on YOURSELF...like it seems that you are doing...be the best that YOU can be..which includes being OPEN AND HONEST with him about YOUR NEEDS...without LOVEBUSTING..

Yes he had the affair...it was a 20 minute fling that he decided to have at the end of October. Stupid man.

a 20 minute fling? Can you tell us some more? Was this physical? Was it with someone he had known for awhile? Is there any chance of anymore contact with her?

Its just one of those things where he can't do those things until he starts DOING those things. He feels silly becuase its not habitual behavior for him, its something new. Everyone feels silly and awkward when they are doing something foreign to them, but with practice and repetition, what once seemed so awkward soon becomes second nature.

He has to DO first, then the FEEL will come. Its going to be awkward for you to hear and observe him doing new things at first too, so monitor YOUR reactions to him when he does step out of his box and try. Be careful not to say something like "you're only doing that because I WANT you to do that, not because you mean it!". Understand that he IS doing it because you want him to, and that in and of itself is a sign of him meaning it.

And yes, elaborate a bit on the A if you will. A 20 min fling at the end of October leaves you all where? Happily married picking daisies and drinking champagne? No? Didn't think so. :P Let us know if we can help!